Review of my website dashboard revealed this post from a couple years ago… I wrote it, but held too much fear and pain in my heart to publish it at that time. I’ve grown since then… but it still may have value to those working through similar processes. Sending love and blessings for your journey…
Scarcity and Abundance – Patterns of Perception and Response
Growing up in a family with a predominate viewpoint of scarcity was certainly a challenge – but also a blessing. My family taught me how to work – how to be industrious and creative in solving problems of daily life. But looking over my mother’s shoulder as she struggled to pay the monthly bills also taught me that money was something always in short supply. I determined early on that if I wanted to have anything in this world, I would need to work for it – and I did so with great strength, courage and enthusiasm. I held the certainty and hope that hard work would bring me things I wanted to have and a certain amount of worldly riches, or at least enough resources for basic support and comfort.
Growing up in a family with a religious heritage was also a challenge – and a blessing. I seemed to come into this world with my own strong sense of the worth of souls and the value of service to others. The religious training I received from being raised as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has supported my deep sense of spirituality and added depth and richness to all of my life experiences.
But there were also inner conflicts aplenty, which seem to have originated from habitual family patterns of reacting to life challenges from a perspective of fear and scarcity rather than responding from a space of love and abundance.
Therein lies my quest – to honor and appreciate the goodness of my family heritage and to release and let go of old patterns and perceptions that have kept me stuck for years in scarcity and pain.
I cannot tell the whole story of my journey to a life of generosity and abundance in one blog post. But I can share one small episode as an example.
Recently, I became aware that someone I cared about was resentful of us. It appeared that he had the impression that we were “rolling in the dough”, but wouldn’t help him in his financial trials. He had no clue that we were going through the same economic storm as everyone else we knew – and not faring very well.
When I learned of his opinion, I was triggered. My anger flared dramatically. I was immediately offended that he set himself up to judge us as unworthy of affluence. He had no true knowledge of our efforts to grow and expand beyond who we were and try to become “successful”, only to see it all wiped away during the economic downturn, and have to start all over again.
My husband saw how the conversation triggered me. He touched my arm lovingly, and whispered in my ear that the conversation was not meant to hurt either of us, but just to be an opening for improved communication. I grew silent and kept the rest of my thoughts to myself as I realized that the real problem was my emotional flare – something in me was definitely triggered by this conversation.
My thought process:
What is the real reason for this person’s resentment?
Have I actually caused him any harm? No.
It appears that our offense was to work hard to try to overcome scarcity mentality.
We were successful for a while, then seemingly, not.
All our hard work did not “pay off” and bring us “riches” as we had been taught as children that it would…
At least, not for the the long term.
But even then, why would this person be angry if we did achieve “success”?
Isn’t that what we all were encouraged to work toward?
And even deeper than that, why did his opinion even matter?
Why was I triggered emotionally?
Trying to make sense of what was going on inside my own psyche, I turned to The Body Code app and began using my muscle testing skills to discover some deeper answers.
“Is there an underlying reason for this flare of anger?
The Body Code led me to Energies > Post Traumatic > Inflammation
Underlying the inflammation energy were twin causes, 1) an addictive heart energy and 2) an energy of parasitic pathogens.
My intuition kicked in, and I muscle tested further, verifying the thoughts and memories that flooded into my consciousness.
The inflammation and parasitic energy were intertwined, and related to the perception of never-ending scarcity.
My scarcity beliefs began with an addictive heart energy inherited from my mother before I was born. Mother evidently experienced some kind of deprivation and fear while she was carrying me, and that energy was passed on to me at my birth. This distorted belief was then proven “true” by early childhood experiences (ask me some time about “Life Savers vs Tootsie Rolls”), and later childhood experiences of never enough money and not being deserving of receiving or spending money. I also discovered a deeper and darker sub-conscious belief that my very existence was not a blessing to my parents, but instead, that I was perceived as a burden, physically and financially. I believed myself to be a financial parasite to my parents – an “unprofitable servant” so to speak. Hence, my addictive heart energy of feeling desperate for love, my willingness to do anything anyone asked of me even if it was harmful to me, and the underlying belief of being undeserving and worthless. Oh, how I groan as I see how these negative patterns have played out in my life!
Even while I have been successful in many things, these and other inner conflicts have held me back from becoming all I can be. Sigh…
Let me be clear about one thing.
My parents never consciously intended for me to be hurt, or to cause any inner conflicts. I think they wanted me to be rich and happy, and while they taught me how to work, they didn’t truly believe I could ever really achieve anything substantial because I am a girl, and therefore in their world view, incapable of success or wealth building. I think they thought that for me to ever be rich, I would have to “marry money”.
Subsequently, I grew up with a self sabotaging psyche. I worked hard. I tried to work smart. I created a certain level of financial and business success, but not knowing how to manage during the economic meltdown, self-sabotaged myself right out of the abundance I had created. It was a nightmare to actually experience that self-fulfilling prophecy of scarcity.
Is there a real way out of this quandary of inner conflicts, self-defeating behaviors, and feeling like an unwanted vagabond on the face of the earth?
Yes, of course there is.
Everything begins with energy…
The energy of spirit…
The energy of thought…
The energy of emotion…
The energy of response…
The energy of choice…
The energy of action…
The energy of manifestation….
There is much more to share…
“Come along with me, the best is yet to be.”….
Today I completed a 28 Day Gratitude Practice…
28 days of focused attention to blessings great and small…
What I appreciate most about the experience is that
my morning meditative self talk focus has shifted from
“what do I need to clear” (focused on the past) to
“what am I grateful for”… (focused on the present)…
And in the present moment,
I am laying the foundation for future moments…
of greater gratitude and joy.
I have been trying to resolve some physical health issues,
and knowing that there is an underlying mental, emotional, energetic
component to every disease and disorder,
I have developed the habit of waking up each day,
searching my mind for what I need to clear out of my psyche…
That “clearing” practice has been helpful in digging up and airing out
long forgotten unpleasant experiences, and allowing the biochemistry processing to complete…
But at some point, my habitual thought pattern became so focused on past wounds that I forgot to appreciate that I don’t live in my past anymore…
And I am much better served by being grateful,
in the present moment,
for blessings great and small…
Habits of thought are created through repetition, so, with the help of some special friends, I employed Rhonda Byrne’s “The Magic” (book 3 in the series of “The Secret”) as the structure for my 28 Day Gratitude Practice.
The first time through, I created the structure for our practice in the Facebook group, but my actual personal practice fizzled out…
Until one of my friends said “Let’s start this up again.”
This time, I am so happy to report that I completed each of the 28 Day Gratitude Practice prompts, with full purpose of heart…
and The Magic truly began to happen!
My energy lightened.
My spirits lifted.
I began looking for things to be grateful for.
I focused on noticing the joy…
And as I did, more joyful things appeared!
New clients showed up – effortless abundance!
I found the energy to deep clean my home – definite progress!
I received unexpected checks in the mail – a welcome surprise!
Today I woke up with gratitude phrases in my mind…
and found my body beginning to cooperate gently and joyfully…
“Thank you for my strong, healthy body.”
“Thank you for full range of motion.”
“Thank you for full relaxation.”
“Thank you for standing tall and walking strong.”
“Thank you for all the love in my life.”
As I write this post, a children’s song comes to mind…
from the Children’s Songbook…
one that I taught my own little ones…
a song of saying thank you… thank you… thank you…
a song of receiving divine love…
“Children All Over the World”
All over the world at the end of day, Words: Peggy Hill Ryskamp, b. 1949. © 1975 IRI
Heav’nly Father’s children kneel down and pray,
Each saying thank you in his own special way,
Saying thank you, thank you in his own special way.
“Wir danken dir.” (veer don-ken deer)
All over the world tender voices hear.
Some say “tak,” (tahk)
others “merci,” (mare-see)
“Kansha shimasu,” (kahn-shah shee-mah-sue)
We thank thee.
Our Heavenly Father hears them;
He understands each tongue.
Our Heav’nly Father knows them;
He loves them,
Music: Beth Groberg Stratton, b. 1944. © 1975 IRI
Children’s Songbook of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
My Sacred Gift of Writing
My Sacred Gift of Healing
After our Compassion Circle Sharing call last evening, I thought to put my body in a circle of light, and give it compassion for the weight, health and balance issues that have prevailed despite all my holistic energy healing work.This self-directed compassion is a process of self-love, self-forgiveness, and self healing.
It is a process of validating emotions for the purpose of acknowledging them as real, as important, and as part of our soul’s process of exploring what we want and what we don’t want to experience… thus helping us be free to make positive life choices.In my mind’s eye, I draw a golden circle of Divine Light.
I place my body in that circle.
So sorry you are so heavy.
So sorry no matter what you do, you cannot change your stars.
So sorry you are stuck carrying other people’s burdens.
So sorry other people can release weight through learning to love themselves, but you cannot.
So sorry you are stuck in a perpetual state of chronic adrenal stress, for ever and ever and ever and ever and always.
So sorry your parasympathetic nervous system is so shattered, and you can never heal.
So sorry the stress you carry is not a burden you can ever put down.
So sorry you can send other’s burdens to the light, but not your own.
So sorry you feel you have to save the world.
So sorry you contracted to be in servitude forever.
So sorry work and service have to be hard.
So sorry you don’t know how to serve from a space of joy and love.
So sorry your world cannot be light and easy.
So sorry it is so difficult to throw off generational burdens.
So sorry they carried heavy burdens, so it wouldn’t be fair if you lightened your own load.
So sorry those burdens are so heavy your legs can no longer hold you up.
So sorry you have to become disabled in order to be relieved of your burdens.
So sorry now you have become a burden to others.
So sorry for your sorrows.
so I leave my body in the circle of light…
Intermittently, I wake up and check the circle.
Yep, my body is still there.
I give more compassion each time I awake.
So sorry you are stuck there.
So sorry you will always be stuck.
A few more hours of sleep – it is still there in the circle.
So sorry there is nowhere to go.
So sorry there is only shadow in that circle.
So sorry a circle of light is so dark.
So sorry you think you have to be heavy to stay alive.
So sorry you think you must be heavy to survive.
So sorry you don’t see that heaviness is what is killing you.
So sorry you don’t see that burden is too heavy.
So sorry you can’t see that weightlessness would allow you to move more freely.
So sorry you can’t see that you have the power to change.
So sorry you don’t see that you can give yourself permission to release the lot of it.
So sorry you don’t see that you can release it and let it go while still in this physical body.
So sorry you can’t figure out how to let it go without dying.
So sorry your cells think they are protecting you from harm by chelating emotional toxins.
So sorry you are too afraid to see your truth.
So sorry you cannot just let it all go.
So sorry you cannot love yourself just the way you are.
I awake in the morning – yep… my body is still in the circle… but I am on my way to deep water aerobics, so I can’t stop and focus for a session. It will have to wait.
My swimsuit on, I’m in the pool.
In between the instructor’s guidance,
I check that circle of light.
My body is still there, but it is all crumpled up.
It looks like a pile of discarded clothing.
Blacks and browns and blues.
Shall I send it compassion now?
Okay… and I go my merry way,
able to perform full range of motion in the water,
moving there in ways I cannot do on dry land.
My lips have been chapped for weeks.
Ever since Mother passed away my lips have dried out, peeled off, become soft again, only to dry out again.
Sometimes my lips feel like a snake shedding it’s skin.
Yes, I use amazingly good lip stuff.
Yes, I stay well hydrated.
Water water everywhere, inside and out.
Still, I’m shedding my skin.
On my way home I check again.
Yep, my body is still in the circle of light,
all crumpled up like wadded up fabric…
Shall I do a compassion session now?
Once home, I dry my hair, eat breakfast, send my husband off to work, and sit at the computer.
I write my story of Clearing Deep Resentments, (4 hour project) totally losing track of time.
I love expressing myself through words.
Words have so many nuances.
I love that I can muscle test and know which words to use.
I love that when it’s the wrong word or phrase,
My intuition will lead me to the right ones.
Those I know who don’t love writing
think I am compelled to write by some evil magician or because of an odd pathological obsessive compulsive behavior.
But truth being – I write because I love to write.
I can express myself through the written word
in a way that satisfies my soul.
I write to process.
I write for healing.
I check my circle of light.
Is my body still a crumpled pile of clothing?
Do I see the crumpled pile?
Is my body still in the circle of light?
Is my body light in the circle of light?
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It is done, it is done, it is done.
Clearing Deep Resentments
I received a compassion session from my Compassion Key partner, in which I uncovered deep resentments toward my father that I had never cleared, in all these years of healing work.
It was not a fun session for me.
I didn’t want to face the truth that I could never be fully healed
until I resolved this issue of resentment and unwillingness to forgive.
The issues are generations old, passed down from one to another.
I didn’t realize the greater fault was mine, in refusing to release the resentments.
I had been guarding my feelings for so long, that I externalized the blame.
I didn’t wake up to the understanding that the power of healing was within me all along….
As a small child I loved and revered my father,
even though he prized his boys and disregarded his girls.
As a teen, I became disillusioned, rebellious, frustrated and quite bitter toward him.
As a young adult, in an effort toward emotional self preservation,
I distanced myself from his authoritative, scarcity mindedness
and his “my way or the highway” attitudes.
It became easy to blame my problems on his less-than-perfect parenting.
All I ever wanted was to love and be loved.
He couldn’t say kind or encouraging words to me.
Our energy styles are polar opposites.
He could only understand the world and other people through his own filters…
and the same could be said of me.
Though I was born of him, his inner world was totally different than mine.
Mid life I recognized my father was simply human,
and it was unrealistic to expect him to meet my old idealistic perception of perfection.
As he aged I realized I could never change him.
But more than ever, I found it difficult to be around him.
I felt that his heavy abrasiveness overpowered the natural light of my soul.
Regardless of how I tried to share what was in my heart,
he seemed unwilling or unable to understand.
I continued to hold my self-protective grudges,
unwittingly stuck in my emotional past,
just as he was stuck in his.
I kept trying through the years to show my love.
Truth be, I suppose I was also seeking his approval.
When their health failed and they wanted to stay in their home,
I remodeled it and installed a kitchen at my own expense so they could have one-level living.When it was no longer safe for them to stay home alone together,
and having people in to help was too stressful,
I drove Dad around town looking for options.
He didn’t want to get into my car, because it was a Cadillac.
He said “Someone would see him in that car and come steal all his money.”No matter that I had proven myself financially enough to be able to help them,
he could not, and would not, accept my offerings.
All I wanted was genuine acknowledgement of shared love.
But it was not forthcoming.
I gave up and began “dodging the bullet” of pain.
I stopped trying to get him to love me.
Because he was my father, and for the sake of my mother,
for all those years, I tolerated him.
I accepted that he had his own coping mechanisms,
and was incapable of expressing love to me in a way I could understand.
He viewed emotions as weakness,
insisting that I use my head and not my heart,
to ensure survival and success in this world.
That counsel caused me great confusion,
because I knew I was all heart.
Thus, I was incapable of meeting his expectations.
He was the authority in my childhood world.
I developed an adverse attitude toward authority in my adult world.
The stress of these inner conflicts and misperceptions contributed to my health meltdown, eventually leading me to a journey of holistic healing.
I attempted to share these new perceptions with my parents.
But because this new learning dealt with emotions,
and emotions were to be feared and disregarded as unimportant,
even though my teachers had worldly authority as doctors,
my new perspectives were promptly and summarily dismissed.
“Poppycock!” was the word.
A few weeks after my father passed in 2012, his spirit spoke to me.
“I’m beginning to understand now. I want to know more,” he said.
But I was bone-deep angry.
“You waited too long,” I said, dismissing him. “You’ll have to wait until I’m ready.”
I continued on my path of learning healing modalities.
For the next six months, I’d get random sharp pains in my right shoulder. Muscle testing and emotional healing work revealed that this was my father, commanding my attention toward something he wanted cleared, either for himself or for his ancestors, often for his mother. I would do the energy healing work and my shoulder pain would dissipate.
Eventually, the shoulder pains ceased altogether, and the patterns of empathic pain shifted to different areas. Prompted by physical pain, I cleared hundreds of thousands of ancestral emotions using various healing modalities in the next few years. As I expanded my understanding, I became quite skilled in this ancestral healing work and in getting the energies to move.
Still, my health and wealth issues continued. I remained weaker and heavier than expected. Often off balance. And I experienced random sharp pain in different parts of my body.
Blessedly, the pain could always be cleared through energy work. Blessedly, our finances improved somewhat. Most importantly, I chose to focus on being more aligned with the Spirit, and found great comfort and peace through meditation and prayer..
Mother came to live with us last year, at age 94. She would often wonder out loud why she was still here in this world, and I would tell her she was “here for the love of it.”
Sometimes she would wish she could die, but say she didn’t know how.
I would tell her I didn’t know how either, but if she figured it out, to go ahead and go to the other side… that when she did manage it, I would miss her terribly, but I would understand.
Once I told her that maybe dying is not something that you actively do, but perhaps it is something you allow. Maybe it is more of a simple “letting go”.
My body picked up on Mother’s energies, usually in the form of knee pain or chronic left hip pain.
I could get these to simply go away by doing the energy work. Curious, Mother read my energy medicine books and requested for me to do healing sessions with her and for her.
I explained that this energy I work with intersects the body and the spirit.Move the energy – get it unstuck – and the body’s natural healing processes can balance out.
The body is programmed for healing and our souls are programmed for wholeness.
Energy Medicine work is simply the practice of gently shifting the energies so the body, mind and spirit become free to do what they are meant to do… to support our soul’s highest expression here in form.Healing together became our constant practice… day and night.
Mother would tell me hurts and sorrows she held from years long past.
I would apply my energy healing modalities to the issues, and release them from her, from me, from all who experienced or were affected by them, and all who inherited them. Mother would tell visitors that I kept her out of the doctor’s office, because her aches and pains would go away when I did the energy work.
Mother passed away a few weeks ago.
She got her wish of simply going to sleep at home, in her own bed, surrounded by family, and just waking up on the other side.
I do miss her terribly, though I do understand she wanted to go.
Her spirit is free now.
She is with those she loves, those who went before.I miss our open, frank conversations.
I miss our expressions of loving kindness and consideration.
i miss her wit and humor.
i miss being able to show her my love through small daily, thoughtful actions.
I miss seeing her express the beauty of her soul through her beautiful cross stitch needlework.
I miss her presence in our home.Healing modalities and self-directed compassion are essential comfort measures for me. As the waves of grief subside, I notice that my chronic aches and pains are also subsiding.
But there remain some issues that are not yet fully resolved in my physical reality.
I notice that I miss my Mother in ways I never missed my Father.
For far too long, I have been busy resenting him for all my childhood hurts and misperceptions…
Too conveniently blaming him for my difficulties with relationships,
for my struggles in not knowing how to feel whole and connected and on purpose in the world.
Some of that was true during my childhood.
But as an adult, it is my responsibility to face my own truths and move beyond the past.
My problem was, until I learned energy healing work, I didn’t know how to move on.
I continue to participate in Compassion Key trainings, giving and receiving sessions.
I thought I had my emotions all handled…
I thought I had cleared all those old childhood issues by just putting them behind me…
until last week’s Circle Compassion session with my partner, Janet Charette.
As the session commenced, we began with a recap of our previous session which had been for her. Then she said it was my turn.
And thus began a conversation.
STUFF from childhood came up. It angered me.
“I thought I had cleared up all this stuff long ago,” I wailed.
“Why does it keep coming up and slamming me in the face, again and again?
When will this ever end!?
Do I have to die to let it all go?!”
Clearly, my resentment had surfaced.
The conversation triggered my old hurts.
That’s a signal that there is something that is ready to be cleared.“Ah”, said Janet. “Your father is who you need to put into the Circle of Light.”
I didn’t want to face it.
I didn’t want to face him.
I felt the effort would be futile.
I didn’t want to forgive.
I wanted to hold onto my resentments.
I didn’t want to bring up old hurts.
Because no matter what I ever accomplished,
he would never change toward me.
He could never appreciate me for who I really am.
I am a girl, and I am all heart, and his heart is closed to me.
I could never meet his expectations when he was alive,
so I knew I could not meet them now that he is dead.
I could never be a boy. He had five boys already.
Why could he not be happy to have girls, too?
I didn’t want to feel that old pain of being not enough.
I didn’t want to feel that old pain of being expected to clean up after him and the boys.
I didn’t want to feel the pain of being disregarded
and even disrespected and used as a workhorse because I was a girl.
I didn’t want to dredge up those old feelings of being unimportant.
I didn’t want to again go through the pain of being dismissed by him.
Fearing that his negative energies would bully and oppress
my natural lightness as it had in the past,
I resisted putting him in a circle of light.
It was far easier to dismiss him than take the risk and invite him in.
I knew I couldn’t change him. And I couldn’t change me.
For decades, running away had been my only salvation.
But Janet lovingly insisted.
“Will you allow me to help direct you to give yourself some self-compassion?”
And she held the space energetically for me so I felt safe.
So I imagined creating a circle of divine, golden light.
Envisioning him in that circle kept me safe from him, and him safe from me.
Then Janet dug deep with the compassion phrases, saying that as long as I keep him on the hook, there is lots of stuff I don’t have to face yet.
Oh my! My mind indexed on her comment as we progressed with the session.
Could this hook of old resentment be the truth I was side-stepping in all these years of holistic healing work? Could clearing these old resentments be the key to opening the door I’d been knocking on for so long? The key to stepping into a new way of being? A key to authentic wholeness? Is THIS why I still have nagging health and wealth issues?
Every so often, she told me to check into the circle and look at my father,
to see what he was doing.
I would prefer not to look, but I glanced over at the circle of light.
He was just standing there, alone.
I could see his confusion.
He didn’t know what he was doing in the circle.
There was nothing in the circle but him, alone.
Nothing to do.
No weeds to pull.
Nothing to be acted upon.
Nothing to be controlled or manipulated.
No act of service to perform.
Looking around wondering what to do.
“So sorry if you stop hating your dad, you’ll be at loose ends.
So sorry you won’t know what to do with yourself.”
Janet continued with the phrases, mirroring my thoughts with words.
Yes, I was triggered in the process.
Yes, I cried.
Yes, my face crinkled up as tears rolled down my face.
Yes, I blew my nose.
Janet continued to hold the space for me.
We checked into the circle again.
My father was flying a kite, totally unaware of my fears.
More digging deep.
More releasing of old hurts.
“I just want this all to be done!”
“It will be done when you choose that it is done.
When you have released all the resentments,
and your soul is clear, then it is done.
The timing is all up to you.”
We checked into the circle again.
Empty. He was gone.
Gone to fly a kite with his brother.
And that was it.
I didn’t die by encircling him in Divine Light.
I acknowledged my fears and resentments,
releasing them through the power of compassion,
Then I had another thought, which brought up another fear.
I have spent decades motivated by these fears
of not measuring up, of not being enough,
of not being worthy of mention or attention… or of love…
of having to prove that girls are just as valuable as boys…
And now that scarcity motivation is gone,
now that I have cleared these resentments, who am I?
What am I? What can I do? How do I be me?
“So sorry you don’t know who you are.”
“So sorry you don’t know how to be the new you.”
In compassion for my plight, Janet put on her Theta Healing hat
and connected with Divine Source on my behalf.
With my permission, she asked that the old contract be marked complete
on the genetic, core and soul levels, releasing of the obligation to re-pattern the lesson,
to release everyone in the world from showing up to re-teach me that lesson…
Forgiveness was expressed.
Permissions for fun and joy and love were given…
She requested and witnessed The Great Creator of All Things
lifting from me the fear and the pain,
and giving me the Creator’s perspective of how
to be in joy and choose from love,
and to know my purpose again…
Teaching me that when I am being on purpose I feel light.
Teaching me that if something feels heavy, to not choose it.
Choose to let go of all I am not.
If it is not light it is a lie.
To feel the joy in my human body…
If I have something in my heart… to let it out.
To become a conscious co-creator…
To follow my heart and express what is in it…
Whatever is the fullest expression of my soul’s light…
Whatever gives me joy and expresses my joy…
To be in my own creation, not attempting to fit myself into someone else’s expectation…
To not attempt to fill my perception of someone else’s expectation…
To not be “hell bent” on proving them right…
When I am doing the best I can in my sweet zone…
When I am doing what brings my heart joy…
That is when I am on purpose…
Happiness is wanting what I get.
Success is not what I expected.
I am allowed to be surprised by life and love and joy.
How much joy can I stand?
How much happiness can I handle?
How much money can I receive?
How many lives can I change?
Ask for that feeling. How it shows up is God’s business.
Then you will want to HAVE a life.
The more you live in the feeling you want,
The more you ramp up how much you can receive.
We always get what we want.
We don’t always know why we want it.
Often we create either too much of what we don’t want,
Or not enough of what we do want.
But now, having released all the old fears and resentments,
I can now have what I want.
I can now create what I want.
I don’t have to die to achieve it.
I can be loved, even cherished.
I can care without criticism.
I can love others unconditionally.
I can express myself without fear.
I can love without judgment.
I can live an inspired life.
I can feel aligned with The Great Creator.
I can have what I want in a healthy body.
I can contribute in meaningful ways.
I can go where I want to go.
I can live how I want to live.
Not the session I expected.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It is done, It is done, It is done.
This Thanksgiving was different.
No houseful of family or guests.
No hours in the kitchen preparing turkey and fixings….
We let our grown children experience their holiday without us…
And as new “empty nesters”,
we chose something different.
He wanted food and football…
I wanted chocolate and sweetness…
and added in some service as well.
Thanksgiving Day with my husband’s sister and her husband…
Dining out, we enjoyed exquisite meals…
Grateful for this experience of Affluence, Ease and Joy…
Then a movie… Marvel Adventures of Dr. Strange…
A traditional doctor of western medicine…
Experiencing a traumatic wake-up-call,
Broadening his awareness into the
World of Energetic Power and Force…
Chakras… Astral Bodies… Dealing with Offensive Entities…
Altered Perceptions… Spells… Crystals…
Manipulating Space and Time… Portals… Vortexes…
“Lions, Tigers and Bears, Oh My”….
If you understand the world of energy… you’ll love this!!
Friday Football on the Big Screen,
A comfortable night in our own bed,
Saturday morning service at the Seattle LDS Temple,
Then a “quick” trip across the State to visit my sweet Mother….
Who currently lives with the friends who “bought the back pasture”
over 40 years ago, and established their homestead there.
It quickly became evident that her caregivers’ health is precarious.
His bulging disc and 6 months of sciatica pain
led to back surgery scheduled for Monday…
and they had made no provision for extra help for Mother…
just planning to leave her “home alone” while he is in surgery….
Some optimists live in a state of blissful denial…
And keep going despite overwhelming odds…
Until they just can’t anymore.
I did that.
The ostrich syndrome.
Works only in the short term.
Not for the long term.
Change is always coming.
We can resist… and struggle…
Or accept… and shape the change…
Leave my 94 year old Mother “Home Alone”?
We decided to stay longer….
“What if he doesn’t get better, Jo Lyn?” she asked. “What shall we do?”
I lean toward her in compassionate strength…
“We will deal with it together, one step at a time.”
He no longer has the strength to serve Mother’s needs,
And she is too frail to manage the wheelchair…
And it’s clear to us that it’s time for her to move.
But six months ago she adamantly refused the offer of change….
A Sunday evening open discussion at my brother’s home
produced three good options from which Mother can choose.
Meditative prayer and Soultalk sessions.
Intuitive guidance received.
A list of specific actions to perform for specific family members.
So much to do, in this healing process of love…
Mother requested an outing to the bookstore on Monday.
She selected her books and went to the check stand…
Where a 60’s something customer stood by,
Who, “in-cahoots” with the clerk,
Paid for Mother’s books before she could even get out her wallet.
“Merry Christmas”, the lady said.
Surprised and startled, Mother said, “Thank you.
What just happened?” We all laughed, delighted at the exchange.
Three ladies in the store obviously recognized Mother from
her decades of Church service in the community…
But Mother no longer recognized them.
“Mother, she gave you a Christmas gift – she paid for your books.”
“Well, Thank You!” she managed again…
“And Merry Christmas to you, too!”
The ladies gather round, watching, smiling,
as mother slowly makes her way to the door.
“Merry Christmas… Merry Christmas… Merry Christmas….”
In the car, heading home, she said again,
“Why did she do that? I don’t know her from Adam or Eve!”
“Mother, she gave herself the gift of giving,
She honored you for your years of giving in the Church and community.
They knew you… perhaps you taught them as children… or led them in song…
or served at a dinner… a funeral… or helped at a wedding…
or knew them in the Daughters of Utah Pioneers….
They knew you, and honored you.
In some way, at some time, you blessed their lives,
and today, in this way, they blessed you with a simple gift.
And in blessing you, it blessed them to be able to give.
Lunchtime. A simple meal.
A request for healing for her caregiver,
who was still waiting for his surgery.
“I am concerned for him, and I am concerned for you all…”
opened a gentle discussion with Mother.
Her preferences explored…
An interim support system in activated…
She chooses my brother’s place.
It’s closer, and already designed to serve her mobility needs.
“But I will have to get rid of a bunch of stuff before I move…”
“No worries, Mom, we will help. We can work it all out.”
Traveling home before the roads ice over,
“She wants to come to you… “
I love Mother dearly, and would love for her to come to us…
To care for her for the rest of her days,
However short or long that may be.
But to be able to manage her needs with ease,
Another change is needed.
Unpacking, in a quiet moment,
I sense my departed father near.
“Hello, Dad,” I say. “Are we doing okay for Mom?”
Is it right for her to go to my brother’s place?
Do you want her to come to me?
Then here’s what I need you to help me with…
A more generous size home.
Closer to my husband’s work.
And within our stated budget.
There are Angels Among Us…
On both sides of the veil.
Aligning all for the highest and best good.
Blessing energy flows abundantly,
Bathing us all in an abundance of Affluence, Ease and Joy,
As much as we are willing and ready to receive…
I am grateful for this Gratitude Weekend…
For the spiritual gifts I am able to activate for myself and others…
for the results of my SoulTalk healing sessions…
Empathic clearing of ancestral and present emotions….
The feedback I am beginning to receive is amazing…
My sister’s disability released enough that she was able
(and courageous enough) to drive her car for the first time in 12 years.
My nephew now free of rage that trapped him for years in fear and pain and isolation.
My disabled son now working… taking on life responsibilities in a new way….
Funds sufficient for our needs…
Simple, but profound, the blessings are flowing…
A real estate transaction resolution… “Your check is ready”…
I am excited to see what shows up next.
Thank you, thank you, thank you….
Our Eternal Family Circle
In the wee hours of the morning
And the questions came…
Are there offensive entities attacking our family?
Long story short,
I used the process I learned in the Temple
And in The Body Code
And my Sacred Spiritual Gifts
And cast these offensive energies,
Evil spirits, curses, and saboteurs
Away from us and to the light
Where they are accountable before God.
I asked that sentinel Angels stand guard around us,
protecting us from evil influences…
And downloaded more light and love from God
To fill all the quantum spaces where they had been hiding…
So who were they, and what were they trying to do?
They were Legions of Evil Spirits…
Trying to stop us from loving one another…
Trying to break up the love and the joy we feel in our family…
Some came through the cracks of broken relationships…
Mistakes, hurt feelings, personal struggles and fears…
Expanding the distances between our hearts through pride in its many forms.
Others jump to us or attach to the auras around us
From neighbors houses….
From any place they can leap from…
Heckling and mocking…
At the chance to destroy an otherwise eternal family….
All with the desire to stop us from loving one another.
Blessedly, in my meditative work,
I recognize the offensive infestations and send them to the Light,
To be accountable before God.
Sometimes I weary in this well doing…
But I manage to keep going as-long-as is needed….
Are they gone?
Did they go to the Light?
Can I rest now?
This quiet battle is over…
But the war still wages on…
And our eternal happiness together will be the prize if we can win….
Inside our own family is the key to our salvation.
Can we lay down our pride
And pick up the olive branch of forgiveness
And just love one another?
Let us seek to heal our wounds from the inside out…
To stop resisting the lessons life shows us daily
And open to allowing a greater measure of
The Pure Love of Christ,
The Blessings from God the Father
and The Whispering of the Holy Spirit
To permeate our souls with joy…
Seek the Light.
Love One Another.
Sending each of us bounteous blessings of Love…
And from our Guardian Angels
(Those who wake me up to do this work).
Love One Another
Lemon Water Healing Story
I recently spent a week with my 94 year old Mother while her caregivers were away on vacation. She asked what I had been working on recently. I shared with her about my energy healing work. I explained that there is an underlying energetic and subconscious component to every disease and disorder, and that the holistic healing work I do helps identify and release the stress of these stuck energies so the body can more easily heal itself. She was curious and wondered if I could help her.
I was specifically enjoying working with the app that comes with The Body Code by Dr. Bradley Nelson. I find that using this app as Dr. Nelson teaches allows me to get to the underlying emotional or physical causes of the issues and release the energy of them, thus allowing the body’s natural healing ability to flow.
She began telling me of her current symptoms and issues – some that had been bothering her just recently, and others that had been life long issues. I used The Body Code app and applied the healing process, and she said she felt better.
It was so sweet to be able to tuck her into bed that night – to express my love for her and appreciate her gentle, loving soul. But I was a little worried. Her health is so fragile, that I feared the energy shifting would be too much for her. Thankfully, upon awakening the next morning… I listened intently for any sounds from her room, grateful that she was still with me, and had not chosen to pass on during the night. Such a relief!
The next few days were amazing. She would tell me things, I would write them down, then when she was napping, I would do the energy clearing on her behalf. When she awoke, she wanted me to give her a report about what I had discovered and shared.
She wanted to understand it more herself. She is an avid reader, so we went to the bookstore and she bought “The Emotion Code” by Dr. Nelson. She also bought Power vs Force by David R. Hawkins, and Energy Medicine by Donna Eden. These gave her enough of an understanding of energy healing that she asked me to do more. It was a delight to find her telling me even of her girlhood fears… and asking them to be released. It was such a joy to help my mother come to a greater sense of peace.
In the course of this concentrated work, I found patterns of ancestral inheritances – one ancestor in particular, 9 generations back from my mother, who had experienced a great deal of trauma in her life here on earth. These ancestral emotions had been inherited by my mother (as well as me and some of my children). We were able to release them, which helped my mother relax and feel better.
The most dramatic physical effects my mother experienced from this work were:
1) Better sleep (she is now able to sleep about 6 hours at a time, in contrast to her previous pattern of only sleeping 3 hours at a time).
2) No more shakiness. She had been experiencing random pattern of shaking spells, which neither her medical doctor nor her naturopath had been able to help her relieve… but The Body Code app showed me that the underlying cause of her symptom was too much acidity in the body… and the “cure” was to drink the juice of 1/2 of a lemon in pure water, daily. Such an easy fix – and no great risk, so she was totally willing to try it! We didn’t have fresh lemons in the house, but we had a bottle of lemon juice in the refrigerator… so we tried it 2 teaspoons of lemon juice in a cup of water (she wanted hers warm) did the trick. No more shaking spells!
A week after my visit, my brother who lives nearby stopped in to see her, He was delighted to find Mother healthy, happy and with more energy and zest for life than she has shown for a very long time. He made a point of calling to tell me that he sees a light in her eyes now that he hasn’t seen in years. Thanks to energy healing work, perhaps my mother will live another 10 years or more – happily and healthy. I certainly hope so!
Blessings to all … Jo Lyn
P.S. I Love My Mother
The Purpose of Unsolvable Problems
I didn’t do it.
I didn’t cause it.
I couldn’t control it.
It was bigger than me.
No matter what I did, I couldn’t fix it.
I had told God that I wanted a different life.
And that’s what I got.
But I didn’t like the chaos that ensued.
I wanted to keep the good things I had…
Family, faith, friends and financial support…
And my dream house, too, of course.
But I found out that to get a different life,
I had to let go of the one that I had.
Well, partly, anyway.
Those first four stages of grief dominated my life.
The struggle and resistance consumed my focus for seven years.
I could see the writing on the wall.
But I kept trying to fix it.
And I couldn’t.
It was bigger than me.
Why do bad things happen to good people?
My intent was good.
I thought my approach to living life was right.
I cared. I served. I gave. I worked.
But if I was so right,
Then why did the bad stuff happen?
The stress of it broke me.
It almost killed me.
And I wanted to leave this life and go elsewhere,
Because I thought my brokenness
Was burdensome to those I loved.
But their love kept me here.
And gave me the courage
To let go of the fighting
And to seek understanding
Of why bad things happen to good people.
And I learned
To shift my focus
From what I didn’t want
To what I did want.
And to lead with my heart
Instead of my ego.
To give it to God,
And to lean on the Lord.
In this last stage of grieving
Comes the healing.
I didn’t do it.
I didn’t cause it.
I couldn’t control it.
It was bigger than me.
And no matter what I did, I couldn’t fix it.
Until I could.
I gained a new perspective
And began to align with The Divine.
I stopped resisting the loss of what had been,
And began accepting what was.
And then the doors began to open.
I allowed the needed changes,
And my joy in life returned.
Authentic Healing is possible,
And it’s easier than we may think.
The purpose of an unsolvable problem
Is to turn our hearts to God.
Because With God, All Things are Possible,
Is the solution to the problem.
It is time
With the Divine.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
The joy has only just begun.
– Jo Lyn Cornelsen
End of Life Wisdom, as overheard by my friend, Silvia Bollinger, a Hospice Nurse:
I have a new hospice client that I met yesterday. I was given an amazing gift, a gift of clarity, a message. The client was sitting next to her husband and she was asking “I never know what God wants me to do or where God wants me to be, I just know that God delivers me to certain places.”
She continued saying that as a child and even now she wonders:
“What should I do with my life? Where should I go? Am I doing it correctly, am on the right path???”
I certainly have asked these same questions. The husband turned to her lovingly and said…
“You are here at this moment where you need to be, that is where God wants from you, this moment.”
The key is this moment and whatever path you walk on, that is your path for this moment in time. Stay on your path my friends. – Sylvia Bollinger, Hospice Nurse
PHOTO: my parents, Milton and Betty Rasmussen on their wedding day. – Jo Lyn Cornelsen