Clearing Deep Resentments
I received a compassion session from my Compassion Key partner, in which I uncovered deep resentments toward my father that I had never cleared, in all these years of healing work.
It was not a fun session for me.
I didn’t want to face the truth that I could never be fully healed
until I resolved this issue of resentment and unwillingness to forgive.
The issues are generations old, passed down from one to another.
I didn’t realize the greater fault was mine, in refusing to release the resentments.
I had been guarding my feelings for so long, that I externalized the blame.
I didn’t wake up to the understanding that the power of healing was within me all along….
As a small child I loved and revered my father,
even though he prized his boys and disregarded his girls.
As a teen, I became disillusioned, rebellious, frustrated and quite bitter toward him.
As a young adult, in an effort toward emotional self preservation,
I distanced myself from his authoritative, scarcity mindedness
and his “my way or the highway” attitudes.
It became easy to blame my problems on his less-than-perfect parenting.
All I ever wanted was to love and be loved.
He couldn’t say kind or encouraging words to me.
Our energy styles are polar opposites.
He could only understand the world and other people through his own filters…
and the same could be said of me.
Though I was born of him, his inner world was totally different than mine.
Mid life I recognized my father was simply human,
and it was unrealistic to expect him to meet my old idealistic perception of perfection.
As he aged I realized I could never change him.
But more than ever, I found it difficult to be around him.
I felt that his heavy abrasiveness overpowered the natural light of my soul.
Regardless of how I tried to share what was in my heart,
he seemed unwilling or unable to understand.
I continued to hold my self-protective grudges,
unwittingly stuck in my emotional past,
just as he was stuck in his.
I kept trying through the years to show my love.
Truth be, I suppose I was also seeking his approval.
When their health failed and they wanted to stay in their home,
I remodeled it and installed a kitchen at my own expense so they could have one-level living.When it was no longer safe for them to stay home alone together,
and having people in to help was too stressful,
I drove Dad around town looking for options.
He didn’t want to get into my car, because it was a Cadillac.
He said “Someone would see him in that car and come steal all his money.”No matter that I had proven myself financially enough to be able to help them,
he could not, and would not, accept my offerings.
All I wanted was genuine acknowledgement of shared love.
But it was not forthcoming.
I gave up and began “dodging the bullet” of pain.
I stopped trying to get him to love me.
Because he was my father, and for the sake of my mother,
for all those years, I tolerated him.
I accepted that he had his own coping mechanisms,
and was incapable of expressing love to me in a way I could understand.
He viewed emotions as weakness,
insisting that I use my head and not my heart,
to ensure survival and success in this world.
That counsel caused me great confusion,
because I knew I was all heart.
Thus, I was incapable of meeting his expectations.
He was the authority in my childhood world.
I developed an adverse attitude toward authority in my adult world.
The stress of these inner conflicts and misperceptions contributed to my health meltdown, eventually leading me to a journey of holistic healing.
I attempted to share these new perceptions with my parents.
But because this new learning dealt with emotions,
and emotions were to be feared and disregarded as unimportant,
even though my teachers had worldly authority as doctors,
my new perspectives were promptly and summarily dismissed.
“Poppycock!” was the word.
A few weeks after my father passed in 2012, his spirit spoke to me.
“I’m beginning to understand now. I want to know more,” he said.
But I was bone-deep angry.
“You waited too long,” I said, dismissing him. “You’ll have to wait until I’m ready.”
I continued on my path of learning healing modalities.
For the next six months, I’d get random sharp pains in my right shoulder. Muscle testing and emotional healing work revealed that this was my father, commanding my attention toward something he wanted cleared, either for himself or for his ancestors, often for his mother. I would do the energy healing work and my shoulder pain would dissipate.
Eventually, the shoulder pains ceased altogether, and the patterns of empathic pain shifted to different areas. Prompted by physical pain, I cleared hundreds of thousands of ancestral emotions using various healing modalities in the next few years. As I expanded my understanding, I became quite skilled in this ancestral healing work and in getting the energies to move.
Still, my health and wealth issues continued. I remained weaker and heavier than expected. Often off balance. And I experienced random sharp pain in different parts of my body.
Blessedly, the pain could always be cleared through energy work. Blessedly, our finances improved somewhat. Most importantly, I chose to focus on being more aligned with the Spirit, and found great comfort and peace through meditation and prayer..
Mother came to live with us last year, at age 94. She would often wonder out loud why she was still here in this world, and I would tell her she was “here for the love of it.”
Sometimes she would wish she could die, but say she didn’t know how.
I would tell her I didn’t know how either, but if she figured it out, to go ahead and go to the other side… that when she did manage it, I would miss her terribly, but I would understand.
Once I told her that maybe dying is not something that you actively do, but perhaps it is something you allow. Maybe it is more of a simple “letting go”.
My body picked up on Mother’s energies, usually in the form of knee pain or chronic left hip pain.
I could get these to simply go away by doing the energy work. Curious, Mother read my energy medicine books and requested for me to do healing sessions with her and for her.
I explained that this energy I work with intersects the body and the spirit.Move the energy – get it unstuck – and the body’s natural healing processes can balance out.
The body is programmed for healing and our souls are programmed for wholeness.
Energy Medicine work is simply the practice of gently shifting the energies so the body, mind and spirit become free to do what they are meant to do… to support our soul’s highest expression here in form.Healing together became our constant practice… day and night.
Mother would tell me hurts and sorrows she held from years long past.
I would apply my energy healing modalities to the issues, and release them from her, from me, from all who experienced or were affected by them, and all who inherited them. Mother would tell visitors that I kept her out of the doctor’s office, because her aches and pains would go away when I did the energy work.
Mother passed away a few weeks ago.
She got her wish of simply going to sleep at home, in her own bed, surrounded by family, and just waking up on the other side.
I do miss her terribly, though I do understand she wanted to go.
Her spirit is free now.
She is with those she loves, those who went before.I miss our open, frank conversations.
I miss our expressions of loving kindness and consideration.
i miss her wit and humor.
i miss being able to show her my love through small daily, thoughtful actions.
I miss seeing her express the beauty of her soul through her beautiful cross stitch needlework.
I miss her presence in our home.Healing modalities and self-directed compassion are essential comfort measures for me. As the waves of grief subside, I notice that my chronic aches and pains are also subsiding.
But there remain some issues that are not yet fully resolved in my physical reality.
I notice that I miss my Mother in ways I never missed my Father.
For far too long, I have been busy resenting him for all my childhood hurts and misperceptions…
Too conveniently blaming him for my difficulties with relationships,
for my struggles in not knowing how to feel whole and connected and on purpose in the world.
Some of that was true during my childhood.
But as an adult, it is my responsibility to face my own truths and move beyond the past.
My problem was, until I learned energy healing work, I didn’t know how to move on.
I continue to participate in Compassion Key trainings, giving and receiving sessions.
I thought I had my emotions all handled…
I thought I had cleared all those old childhood issues by just putting them behind me…
until last week’s Circle Compassion session with my partner, Janet Charette.
As the session commenced, we began with a recap of our previous session which had been for her. Then she said it was my turn.
And thus began a conversation.
STUFF from childhood came up. It angered me.
“I thought I had cleared up all this stuff long ago,” I wailed.
“Why does it keep coming up and slamming me in the face, again and again?
When will this ever end!?
Do I have to die to let it all go?!”
Clearly, my resentment had surfaced.
The conversation triggered my old hurts.
That’s a signal that there is something that is ready to be cleared.“Ah”, said Janet. “Your father is who you need to put into the Circle of Light.”
I didn’t want to face it.
I didn’t want to face him.
I felt the effort would be futile.
I didn’t want to forgive.
I wanted to hold onto my resentments.
I didn’t want to bring up old hurts.
Because no matter what I ever accomplished,
he would never change toward me.
He could never appreciate me for who I really am.
I am a girl, and I am all heart, and his heart is closed to me.
I could never meet his expectations when he was alive,
so I knew I could not meet them now that he is dead.
I could never be a boy. He had five boys already.
Why could he not be happy to have girls, too?
I didn’t want to feel that old pain of being not enough.
I didn’t want to feel that old pain of being expected to clean up after him and the boys.
I didn’t want to feel the pain of being disregarded
and even disrespected and used as a workhorse because I was a girl.
I didn’t want to dredge up those old feelings of being unimportant.
I didn’t want to again go through the pain of being dismissed by him.
Fearing that his negative energies would bully and oppress
my natural lightness as it had in the past,
I resisted putting him in a circle of light.
It was far easier to dismiss him than take the risk and invite him in.
I knew I couldn’t change him. And I couldn’t change me.
For decades, running away had been my only salvation.
But Janet lovingly insisted.
“Will you allow me to help direct you to give yourself some self-compassion?”
And she held the space energetically for me so I felt safe.
So I imagined creating a circle of divine, golden light.
Envisioning him in that circle kept me safe from him, and him safe from me.
Then Janet dug deep with the compassion phrases, saying that as long as I keep him on the hook, there is lots of stuff I don’t have to face yet.
Oh my! My mind indexed on her comment as we progressed with the session.
Could this hook of old resentment be the truth I was side-stepping in all these years of holistic healing work? Could clearing these old resentments be the key to opening the door I’d been knocking on for so long? The key to stepping into a new way of being? A key to authentic wholeness? Is THIS why I still have nagging health and wealth issues?
Every so often, she told me to check into the circle and look at my father,
to see what he was doing.
I would prefer not to look, but I glanced over at the circle of light.
He was just standing there, alone.
I could see his confusion.
He didn’t know what he was doing in the circle.
There was nothing in the circle but him, alone.
Nothing to do.
No weeds to pull.
Nothing to be acted upon.
Nothing to be controlled or manipulated.
No act of service to perform.
Looking around wondering what to do.
“So sorry if you stop hating your dad, you’ll be at loose ends.
So sorry you won’t know what to do with yourself.”
Janet continued with the phrases, mirroring my thoughts with words.
Yes, I was triggered in the process.
Yes, I cried.
Yes, my face crinkled up as tears rolled down my face.
Yes, I blew my nose.
Janet continued to hold the space for me.
We checked into the circle again.
My father was flying a kite, totally unaware of my fears.
More digging deep.
More releasing of old hurts.
“I just want this all to be done!”
“It will be done when you choose that it is done.
When you have released all the resentments,
and your soul is clear, then it is done.
The timing is all up to you.”
We checked into the circle again.
Empty. He was gone.
Gone to fly a kite with his brother.
And that was it.
I didn’t die by encircling him in Divine Light.
I acknowledged my fears and resentments,
releasing them through the power of compassion,
Then I had another thought, which brought up another fear.
I have spent decades motivated by these fears
of not measuring up, of not being enough,
of not being worthy of mention or attention… or of love…
of having to prove that girls are just as valuable as boys…
And now that scarcity motivation is gone,
now that I have cleared these resentments, who am I?
What am I? What can I do? How do I be me?
“So sorry you don’t know who you are.”
“So sorry you don’t know how to be the new you.”
In compassion for my plight, Janet put on her Theta Healing hat
and connected with Divine Source on my behalf.
With my permission, she asked that the old contract be marked complete
on the genetic, core and soul levels, releasing of the obligation to re-pattern the lesson,
to release everyone in the world from showing up to re-teach me that lesson…
Forgiveness was expressed.
Permissions for fun and joy and love were given…
She requested and witnessed The Great Creator of All Things
lifting from me the fear and the pain,
and giving me the Creator’s perspective of how
to be in joy and choose from love,
and to know my purpose again…
Teaching me that when I am being on purpose I feel light.
Teaching me that if something feels heavy, to not choose it.
Choose to let go of all I am not.
If it is not light it is a lie.
To feel the joy in my human body…
If I have something in my heart… to let it out.
To become a conscious co-creator…
To follow my heart and express what is in it…
Whatever is the fullest expression of my soul’s light…
Whatever gives me joy and expresses my joy…
To be in my own creation, not attempting to fit myself into someone else’s expectation…
To not attempt to fill my perception of someone else’s expectation…
To not be “hell bent” on proving them right…
When I am doing the best I can in my sweet zone…
When I am doing what brings my heart joy…
That is when I am on purpose…
Happiness is wanting what I get.
Success is not what I expected.
I am allowed to be surprised by life and love and joy.
How much joy can I stand?
How much happiness can I handle?
How much money can I receive?
How many lives can I change?
Ask for that feeling. How it shows up is God’s business.
Then you will want to HAVE a life.
The more you live in the feeling you want,
The more you ramp up how much you can receive.
We always get what we want.
We don’t always know why we want it.
Often we create either too much of what we don’t want,
Or not enough of what we do want.
But now, having released all the old fears and resentments,
I can now have what I want.
I can now create what I want.
I don’t have to die to achieve it.
I can be loved, even cherished.
I can care without criticism.
I can love others unconditionally.
I can express myself without fear.
I can love without judgment.
I can live an inspired life.
I can feel aligned with The Great Creator.
I can have what I want in a healthy body.
I can contribute in meaningful ways.
I can go where I want to go.
I can live how I want to live.
Not the session I expected.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It is done, It is done, It is done.
Our Eternal Family Circle
In the wee hours of the morning
And the questions came…
Are there offensive entities attacking our family?
Long story short,
I used the process I learned in the Temple
And in The Body Code
And my Sacred Spiritual Gifts
And cast these offensive energies,
Evil spirits, curses, and saboteurs
Away from us and to the light
Where they are accountable before God.
I asked that sentinel Angels stand guard around us,
protecting us from evil influences…
And downloaded more light and love from God
To fill all the quantum spaces where they had been hiding…
So who were they, and what were they trying to do?
They were Legions of Evil Spirits…
Trying to stop us from loving one another…
Trying to break up the love and the joy we feel in our family…
Some came through the cracks of broken relationships…
Mistakes, hurt feelings, personal struggles and fears…
Expanding the distances between our hearts through pride in its many forms.
Others jump to us or attach to the auras around us
From neighbors houses….
From any place they can leap from…
Heckling and mocking…
At the chance to destroy an otherwise eternal family….
All with the desire to stop us from loving one another.
Blessedly, in my meditative work,
I recognize the offensive infestations and send them to the Light,
To be accountable before God.
Sometimes I weary in this well doing…
But I manage to keep going as-long-as is needed….
Are they gone?
Did they go to the Light?
Can I rest now?
This quiet battle is over…
But the war still wages on…
And our eternal happiness together will be the prize if we can win….
Inside our own family is the key to our salvation.
Can we lay down our pride
And pick up the olive branch of forgiveness
And just love one another?
Let us seek to heal our wounds from the inside out…
To stop resisting the lessons life shows us daily
And open to allowing a greater measure of
The Pure Love of Christ,
The Blessings from God the Father
and The Whispering of the Holy Spirit
To permeate our souls with joy…
Seek the Light.
Love One Another.
Sending each of us bounteous blessings of Love…
And from our Guardian Angels
(Those who wake me up to do this work).
Love One Another
Lemon Water Healing Story
I recently spent a week with my 94 year old Mother while her caregivers were away on vacation. She asked what I had been working on recently. I shared with her about my energy healing work. I explained that there is an underlying energetic and subconscious component to every disease and disorder, and that the holistic healing work I do helps identify and release the stress of these stuck energies so the body can more easily heal itself. She was curious and wondered if I could help her.
I was specifically enjoying working with the app that comes with The Body Code by Dr. Bradley Nelson. I find that using this app as Dr. Nelson teaches allows me to get to the underlying emotional or physical causes of the issues and release the energy of them, thus allowing the body’s natural healing ability to flow.
She began telling me of her current symptoms and issues – some that had been bothering her just recently, and others that had been life long issues. I used The Body Code app and applied the healing process, and she said she felt better.
It was so sweet to be able to tuck her into bed that night – to express my love for her and appreciate her gentle, loving soul. But I was a little worried. Her health is so fragile, that I feared the energy shifting would be too much for her. Thankfully, upon awakening the next morning… I listened intently for any sounds from her room, grateful that she was still with me, and had not chosen to pass on during the night. Such a relief!
The next few days were amazing. She would tell me things, I would write them down, then when she was napping, I would do the energy clearing on her behalf. When she awoke, she wanted me to give her a report about what I had discovered and shared.
She wanted to understand it more herself. She is an avid reader, so we went to the bookstore and she bought “The Emotion Code” by Dr. Nelson. She also bought Power vs Force by David R. Hawkins, and Energy Medicine by Donna Eden. These gave her enough of an understanding of energy healing that she asked me to do more. It was a delight to find her telling me even of her girlhood fears… and asking them to be released. It was such a joy to help my mother come to a greater sense of peace.
In the course of this concentrated work, I found patterns of ancestral inheritances – one ancestor in particular, 9 generations back from my mother, who had experienced a great deal of trauma in her life here on earth. These ancestral emotions had been inherited by my mother (as well as me and some of my children). We were able to release them, which helped my mother relax and feel better.
The most dramatic physical effects my mother experienced from this work were:
1) Better sleep (she is now able to sleep about 6 hours at a time, in contrast to her previous pattern of only sleeping 3 hours at a time).
2) No more shakiness. She had been experiencing random pattern of shaking spells, which neither her medical doctor nor her naturopath had been able to help her relieve… but The Body Code app showed me that the underlying cause of her symptom was too much acidity in the body… and the “cure” was to drink the juice of 1/2 of a lemon in pure water, daily. Such an easy fix – and no great risk, so she was totally willing to try it! We didn’t have fresh lemons in the house, but we had a bottle of lemon juice in the refrigerator… so we tried it 2 teaspoons of lemon juice in a cup of water (she wanted hers warm) did the trick. No more shaking spells!
A week after my visit, my brother who lives nearby stopped in to see her, He was delighted to find Mother healthy, happy and with more energy and zest for life than she has shown for a very long time. He made a point of calling to tell me that he sees a light in her eyes now that he hasn’t seen in years. Thanks to energy healing work, perhaps my mother will live another 10 years or more – happily and healthy. I certainly hope so!
Blessings to all … Jo Lyn
P.S. I Love My Mother
An Intercessory Prayer for Love and Light
In the stillness of the night
And see the widow’s face.
Torn between loyalty for her erstwhile spouse
The father of her children…
And the new love she has found in the here and now.
Her husband’s illness while in this mortal realm
Was known by very few…
And on the eve of beginning a new chapter,
She looks back through the years that brought her to this place in time,
And laments that her love was not enough buffer
To hold him steady in life’s course.
After decades of twisted highs and lows
He chose suicide to set her free…
She has moved on as they had planned, but
His spirit lingers, still stuck in dusky twilight.
Just beyond the veil,
He gazes back and questions his anguished choice to leave
Especially now as he sees she has truly turned toward another.
In the stillness of this night I am summoned to service.
These two are not my blood kin,
Just kindly friends in the Gospel of Christ.
I have no earthly permission to intercede on their behalf,
But awakened by their angels
Their faces shine clearly in my mind’s eye.
I ask if I may use the Sacred Gifts, Compassion, Healing and Intercessory Prayer
On their behalf.
The answer is YES, so
I begin the process.
Will she and her children be safe with this new love?
Is he still stuck in fear?
Is it ok for me to request the power of God’s love to heal him?
The healer in me whispers to his soul
“Turn around and face the light”.
But his sorrow is too deep to hear the message…
So I palm his head in my hands
And turn his anguished soul around
Like a mother turns the head of a child to redirect his full attention.
This breaks the hold of darkness and
He lifts his eyes,
barely daring to hope…
That the light he perceives
May perhaps be shining… for him?
His heart leaps and he steps forward,
And in that simple act of faith
The light shines brighter, beckoning…
A few more steps with arms outstretched…
He reaches and enters the light,
Tears streaming down his ruddy face as
The Resurrected Lord enfolds him in Eternal Love …
And he is welcomed,
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you,
It is done, it is done, it is done.
– Jo Lyn Cornelsen
We are all connected… every conversation matters…
My brother called me recently with tears in his eyes/voice, to read me a letter he had just received from our niece. It went something like this:
Seven years ago you were inspired to call me.
You didn’t know it was the day after my divorce, and when you called, I was in panic mode.
I was wondering what would happen to me next, worrying where I could live and how on earth
I could possibly manage to take care of myself and my children.
You took time to listen, and then you asked me a question.
You asked me if the next 4 years would pass by regardless of the choices I made.
I said yes.
So you told me to focus on what was most important,
and to go get an education that would give me the ability
to take care of myself and my family without depending on anybody else.
So I did. I went to school, and it was really, really, really hard.
Today, I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Nursing,
I am a licensed Registered Nurse,
and I am working in the State of Oregon.
And I am very grateful for my Uncle, who didn’t know what I was going through, but who felt inspired to call me – and who listened, and then told me what he thought I should do.
And did it. Thanks a Million”
We are all connected.
Emotions as Teachers
I grew up with the generational belief that emotions were not to be trusted.
As a young teen I was specifically counseled to use my head and not my heart,
by someone who, I now realize, did not know how to harness his own emotions
and express them in positive ways.
I have since learned that emotions are powerful, sacred tools of creation.
I find joy in exploring the messages they bring me.
In this perspective, emotions are my teachers.
Our daily life experiences bring up emotions that teach us – if we are open to the lessons.
Here’s a new insight for me:
My husband is currently commuting during the week to his job… gone for 5 days at a time. Yesterday I felt particularly lonely. My muscle testing process revealed it was my own emotion… not generational… and not related specifically to my husband being away from home.
That was a puzzle…
Until this morning’s SoulTalk … when it was revealed to me that I had associated the emotion of being lonely with old age… somewhere along the way I picked up and held onto the false belief that being old was equal to being lonely. I used my clearing process to let go of that incorrect subconscious belief and the associated emotion of loneliness right away.
I intend to live joyfully all the rest of my days… comfortable and happy when I am in the company of others, and comfortable and happy when I am alone. I would not have even become aware of that unconscious incorrect association if my husband was not away for several days each week.
I am grateful for new insights and the skills and ability to heal holistically…
This personal power to grow and change helps me feel loved by God and the Universe…
Thank you for listening…
It is done, it is done, it is done.