Releasing Old Resentments
I experienced a “storm” of physical pain a few days ago…
I worked on clearing as much trapped emotional energy as I could, and awoke this morning knowing someone else I needed to forgive…for their actions of harshness and disrespect toward me about 11 years ago…
which caused me excessive emotional, financial and professional pain and distress…
This was someone I trusted by virtue of a position of church authority and their medical profession…
Someone who sought me out for my professional knowledge and skills,
Who would not allow his wife to provide the needed care for his father
who was suffering from severe dementia…
(urine soaked socks in the pantry, aggravated Sundowners syndrome, packing his belonging to leave every evening, wandering away and more…)
But this man (my client’s son) thought nothing of imposing it all upon me,
as if he was doing me a favor by allowing me to slave 24/7
and expecting cut rate pricing by virtue of our church association.
Long story short…
I “made it through that rain”…
It was an experience of compassion for the client,
and of setting boundaries with someone in “authority”
(even though I was scared)
Of standing up for myself and insisting on payment…
but I was left with a bitter taste in my mouth –
great disillusionment and loss of respect for this person,
who was so greatly revered in his church position.
This occurred so long ago I thought I had cleared it.
I haven’t thought of it in years, as both they and we have moved,
and this person is no longer in my local church community.
So I thought it was gone and forgotten…
Yet apparently, resentment remained stuck in my energy field.
And this morning,
my soul revealed it to me.
I must forgive.
I don’t want to forgive.
He hurt me.
He shouldn’t have done that.
He scared me.
He was in the wrong.
He disrespected me.
He treated me abominably.
He treated me like shit.
He respected and protected his wife’s sensibilities,
but did not respect me.
He did not value my professional skills.
He was horrible to me.
I no longer respect him.
Do I have to respect him?
Have I forgiven him?
Is there any reason why should I forgive him?
For your own healing.
But I don’t know how to do it.
When I think of him I get a taste of bitter gall in my throat.
I want to vomit.
Will I feel better if I forgive him and let go of the resentments?
Has this hidden, forgotten resentment been blocking my healing?
Can I let it go now?
I’m not sure how…
Do I let it go just like I let go of any other old blocked emotion?
Ok… here goes…
Thank you, thank you, thank you…
It is done, it is done, it is done.
I got up, dressed, walked to the car, drove to the gym, did an hour of water aerobics, came home safely without struggle..
and all without pain.
If forgiveness works this well…
I shall be searching my soul for more that needs to be forgiven.
Thank you for witnessing my blessing…
Next Day’s Morning Meditation:
Shards and Shrouds…
Releasing Old Resentments yesterday opened a floodgate for more. This morning, did some basic full body presence breathing and a body scan. There were a few gentle pressures – back of my neck and top of my shoulders, and my feet and calves – that needed underlying ancestral emotions released (1 generation back – my dear sweet mother)…
Easily released by identifying and releasing the underlying trapped emotion of ancestral confusion…. many instances….
There is something else…
I intuitively scanned with my golden energy sieve and pulled out some sharp energy shards.
Do I need to know what these are?
No. Just rejoice that they are gone.
Is it time to get up now?
Great – I get to relax more and breathe.
Is there more resentment buried inside me somewhere that needs to be released?
Is there an underlying reason for it?
Do I need to know more about it?
How do I release it? Like I release other trapped emotions?
Do I polish it away with Compassion?
Do I just reach in and pull it out of me?
And give it to God?
In my mind’s eye, I imagined reaching my left hand into my soul heart space, grabbing hold of the energy of resentment, and pulling out of me…
It came out as a diaphanous grayish orb …
about 10 inches in diameter…
I opened my hand and it sat there a while on my palm….
Then it changed, shifting into a life sized, human body shape of translucent energy –
I had pulled out a whole energy shroud…
as if the resentment had resided inside me as an cognizant being… a separate entity of its own….
And then it was gone.
Just a lightness of spirit.
Did it go to you, God?
Is there more?
May I receive more of your golden divine light now?
Breathing in the light.
Now… is it time to get up?
Thank you, thank you, thank you….
Dear Soul Friends…
For letting me share my meditations with you.
Yesterday’s morning meditation became a joyous self-healing session, as I was guided through steps to make sure each part of my body was happy – physically and energetically. Step by step, using muscle testing and yes / no questions, I released trapped emotional hurts from my physical body parts. Bones, muscles, organs, fascia, trunk, limbs, head, chakras, meridians – all “spoke” to me, letting me know what was needed, and relaxing as they were “treated”. Nurturing myself in this way, each part of my body became energetically aligned. I rejoiced in the feeling of wholeness in a visceral, physical way as waves of the spirit washed through me – speaking through feelings of comfort, relaxation, acceptance, peace, joy and happiness in the present moment.
Later that morning, I did an energy healing session for my sister, who had been suffering for weeks with abdominal pain. Her physician didn’t know for sure what was wrong, but wanted her to take an expensive medication that her insurance wouldn’t pay for – and she was unsure what to do. The spirit led me through the healing charts on her behalf, guiding me to cast out energetic ancestral parasites and then scan her body to discover and release trapped emotions, just as it had guided me to do for myself earlier that morning. Several hours later, we spoke, and she indicated the pain was gone.
“How will I know if I still need the medicine later?” she asked.
The answer: “Listen to your body. It’s talking to you all the time through your thoughts, emotions and spirit.
Listen to the still small voice within, and you will know what to do.”
The next day – another early morning meditation. This time, I was prompted to do a complete body scan session for my sweet 95 year old mother. Divine sight guided me through the same process for her – reaching back through generations of time – validating experiences and touching souls on both sides of the spectrum of life experience.
Divine sight then showed me the circle of healing for one particular ancestor, a percentage of the healing process was for her, another percentage for her ancestral lineage, and another percentage for her descendants and all who were affected, first by the pain – and now, all are encompassed within the circle of healing and wholeness.
In gratitude for the intuitive gift of Divine Sight.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It is done, it is done, it is done.
Betty’s Microphone Miracle – a Divine Synchronicity
My sweet mother, Betty Marie Lyman Rasmussen, is now 94 years old.
She fills her days cross stitching beautiful heirloom pieces,
playing solitaire on her iPad, and reading Christian novels.
Sometimes she thinks she is insignificant, and wonders why she’s still here,
because, she says, “I’m no use to anybody anymore – I can’t do much of anything.”
I tell her she’s still here for Love.
She’s got seven children (and their spouses),
and 76 great grandchildren.
That’s a lot of love.
We take her to church on Sundays.
This week, feeling stronger, she chose to use her walker rather than the wheelchair,
even though the corridor from the church door to the chapel seems like miles for her to walk.
Making her way to the pew, she parked her walker in the aisle.
As the meeting began, the Bishop’s Counselor apologized to the congregation
that the microphone at the pulpit was malfunctioning, for reasons unknown.
It was giving off loud static – and none of their repair efforts had been effective.
So they turned it off and did a work-around, bringing in a hand held microphone on a long cord.
Today was Fast and Testimony Meeting –
where congregation members are invited to share our
testimonies of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, as inspired by the Holy Spirit.
And today, my dear mother, without a word to me,
saw her opportunity, and being unencumbered without the wheelchair,
but empowered by her walker, stood up and walked up the aisle to bear her testimony.
Thankfully, the Bishop saw her coming, and brought the microphone to her.
There, before several hundred people in the chapel,
my dear, sweet, frail mother turned and stood as tall as she could,
and told us all we were beautiful.
She expressed gratitude for the malfunctioning of the main microphone,
and the availability of the corded microphone,
because it could be handed to her,
as she could not walk up the steps to the podium to bear her testimony.
She expressed her gratitude for her membership in the Church
through her 94 years on this earth, and all it has meant to her.
She expressed gratitude for the truths in the Book of Mormon and other scriptures,
which she has read multiple times in her life
And she expressed gratitude for the multiple times she has been
healed through the power of the Lord…
that her life would have been so very different without it…
she may not have lived even past the age of 4,
but that would be a story for another day.
I took Mother home after Sacrament meeting,
then returned for the rest of the Sunday Services.
The Bishop stopped to speak with me –
He said the microphone was working perfectly as soon as the meeting ended…
and he felt sure that the microphone malfunction was specifically a blessing for Betty…
a divine synchronicity, creating conditions to be just right for her to
bear her testimony and speak the gratitude she felt in her heart.
I am grateful for my mother,
and how she “walks by faith, nothing wavering”.
I am grateful to know in my heart that none of us are ever too old,
or too young, or too disabled, or too insignificant
for God to know our needs, our hopes and our dreams,
and to bless us with a little miracle now and then.
Today, I am specifically grateful for Betty’s Microphone Miracle.