We’ve been contemplating our post-retirement move – which quickly became an adventure in house hunting. Not being as physically strong and capable as in years past, one of the thoughts that kept coming up for me was: “Who am I to have a house of my own?”, and “I have no value as a human being, what makes me think it is okay to have a house?”
Self-deprecating thoughts are, of course, self-defeating. Negative thoughts bring up deeply held emotions of shame, self-loathing, guilt for taking up space in the world, hopelessness, and an explicable self-limiting belief that something is intrinsically wrong with me.
Why do some people grow up with an innate sense of well-being, and others grow up emotionally insecure?
The answer to that is finally coming to light for me. Studying the latest research by leading scientists and therapists in trauma healing, I have a name for an underlying reason for my struggles with low self-esteem, and my continual need to study all things “holistic healing”. That name is “Developmental Trauma Disorder” – a term coined by Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk and his peers, as explained in his book “The Body Keeps the Score”. Understanding that in our earliest years, we create a perceptual map of what the world is like (safe vs unsafe), and that these deep subconscious beliefs drive our thoughts, emotions, behaviors and even abilities as we go through life… is enlightening.
For years, I’ve sensed that not everything is the way I perceive it to be. For decades, I held onto specific hurtful and confusing events from childhood as “evidence” that there was something wrong with me. Now I know that how my psyche shaped those internal perceptions was simply a result of my early childhood experiences. There’s nothing “wrong” with me as a human being. I’m not an unwanted piece of trash. For me, my developmental trauma was mostly based on my impression, at birth, that they were disappointed in me because I was a girl instead of a boy. They had no idea how that affected my sense of self worth… but here I am decades later – telling you about it – so it was not something I could “just get over”. Being a helpless, impressionable infant, my immature neurological system believed that there was something intrinsically wrong with me… and I was therefore at risk of not being safe in the world. I couldn’t simply “become a boy”… so I worked really hard to fit in and be significant in my family… thus ensuring my survival… but always felt an underlying sense of “not being enough”. And until my recent studies, I didn’t have the words to explain it.
So why am I sharing this “deep, dark inner secret” about my own mixed up psyche?
Why would I tell anyone about feeling worthless and undeserving as a human being?
Because last night, in meditation, I was able to clear (release and resolve) that old perceptual belief.
And that frees me to heal… to see myself as healthy… a fully embodied soul… capable, resilient, and whole.
And if I can do it… then maybe this will help someone else who suffers from DTD…
In my bed, I struggle to sleep. Failing that, I begin meditation. Knowing about Developmental Trauma Disorder gives me a greater understanding of the source of my decades of low self-esteem, I began working through my meditative question and answer process:
“I am Jo Lyn. Yes…
I have value as a human being. No…
Is this lack of value a divine truth? No…
Is this lack of value a belief? Yes…
Is this an ancestral belief? No…
Is this a collective belief? No…
Is this my own belief? Yes…
Is this a conscious belief? No…
Is this a subconscious belief? Yes…
I have value as a human being. No…”
Pausing, I feel the self-defeating belief deeply in my belly… visualizing the branches of my unmyelinated dorsal vagus nerve enmeshed throughout my visceral organs. The vagus nerve is directly connected to the limbic, reptilian part of my brain – the fight/flight/freeze command center – which was all I had to work with as an infant.
Tears flow from my eyes, running silently down the sides of my face, wetting my ears and my pillow. I couldn’t have known then, that just because they wanted a boy, meant that there was something wrong with me.
“I forgive myself for not knowing.
I forgive myself for being a baby when I was a baby.
I forgive them and myself for being human.
Can I clear this subconscious belief? Yes…
Do I know how to do it? Yes… “
Hands on my heart, I being tapping gently, intentionally…
“Clearing lack of value as a human being.
Releasing lack of value as a human being.
Resolving this developmental traumatic perception of lack of value as a human being.”
Tapping, clearing, releasing, resolving….
Sighing deeply, I feel the tendons and ligaments in my hip relax to a new level.
The decades old, unfinished fight/flight energy associated with feeling unsafe is allowed to process.
My hips and legs begin slight movements, which I recognize as completion movements related to flight…
“I am Jo Lyn. Yes…
I have value as a human being. Yes…”
Smiling, I continue…
“I am Jo Lyn. Yes…
I have value as a human being. Yes…
I create and share value with the world. Yes…
I am supported as I create and share value with others. Yes…
I am Jo Lyn. Yes…
I have value as a human being. Yes…
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It is done, it is done, it is done.”
Now… I can go house hunting and feel great about it!
Today I completed a 28 Day Gratitude Practice…
28 days of focused attention to blessings great and small…
What I appreciate most about the experience is that
my morning meditative self talk focus has shifted from
“what do I need to clear” (focused on the past) to
“what am I grateful for”… (focused on the present)…
And in the present moment,
I am laying the foundation for future moments…
of greater gratitude and joy.
I have been trying to resolve some physical health issues,
and knowing that there is an underlying mental, emotional, energetic
component to every disease and disorder,
I have developed the habit of waking up each day,
searching my mind for what I need to clear out of my psyche…
That “clearing” practice has been helpful in digging up and airing out
long forgotten unpleasant experiences, and allowing the biochemistry processing to complete…
But at some point, my habitual thought pattern became so focused on past wounds that I forgot to appreciate that I don’t live in my past anymore…
And I am much better served by being grateful,
in the present moment,
for blessings great and small…
Habits of thought are created through repetition, so, with the help of some special friends, I employed Rhonda Byrne’s “The Magic” (book 3 in the series of “The Secret”) as the structure for my 28 Day Gratitude Practice.
The first time through, I created the structure for our practice in the Facebook group, but my actual personal practice fizzled out…
Until one of my friends said “Let’s start this up again.”
This time, I am so happy to report that I completed each of the 28 Day Gratitude Practice prompts, with full purpose of heart…
and The Magic truly began to happen!
My energy lightened.
My spirits lifted.
I began looking for things to be grateful for.
I focused on noticing the joy…
And as I did, more joyful things appeared!
New clients showed up – effortless abundance!
I found the energy to deep clean my home – definite progress!
I received unexpected checks in the mail – a welcome surprise!
Today I woke up with gratitude phrases in my mind…
and found my body beginning to cooperate gently and joyfully…
“Thank you for my strong, healthy body.”
“Thank you for full range of motion.”
“Thank you for full relaxation.”
“Thank you for standing tall and walking strong.”
“Thank you for all the love in my life.”
As I write this post, a children’s song comes to mind…
from the Children’s Songbook…
one that I taught my own little ones…
a song of saying thank you… thank you… thank you…
a song of receiving divine love…
“Children All Over the World”
All over the world at the end of day, Words: Peggy Hill Ryskamp, b. 1949. © 1975 IRI
Heav’nly Father’s children kneel down and pray,
Each saying thank you in his own special way,
Saying thank you, thank you in his own special way.
“Wir danken dir.” (veer don-ken deer)
All over the world tender voices hear.
Some say “tak,” (tahk)
others “merci,” (mare-see)
“Kansha shimasu,” (kahn-shah shee-mah-sue)
We thank thee.
Our Heavenly Father hears them;
He understands each tongue.
Our Heav’nly Father knows them;
He loves them,
Music: Beth Groberg Stratton, b. 1944. © 1975 IRI
Children’s Songbook of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
I awaken, thoughts of my loved ones going through my mind.
I muscle test for which of them I should pray and meditate.
This morning – the meditation is for my husband.
In my mind’s eye, I place him in a Circle of Divine Light.
I am directed to give myself compassion for things that have come up for him, that seem to be holding him back, and which affect both of us.
I muscle test each phrase for truth, seeking the right words to describe the right energies to be shifted and cleared.
I address the phrases as if from my higher self to my current self…
I am so sorry your husband does not have the opportunity to fully serve to his capacity at work.
I am so sorry he is stuck in a limited role.
I am so sorry they don’t realize his value to contribute.
I am so sorry he gets frustrated that they don’t value his contribution.
I am so sorry they devalue his ability to contribute meaningfully because he is older than they.
I am so sorry they see age as a handicap.
I am so sorry they don’t see his work experience and capabilities as the great resource it truly is.
I am so sorry his opportunities are limited.
Is there another perspective to explore?
Self-directed compassion continued, this time for our son.
I am so sorry your son doesn’t make enough money to pay for his own apartment.
I am so sorry he makes too much money to qualify for the low income apartment.
I am so sorry he will have no place to live unless some doors open up for him.
I am so sorry it is all your responsibility.
I am so sorry you need a miracle for him.
I am so sorry you need a miracle right now for him.
I am so sorry you will always have to help your son.
I am so sorry he was born with a so many limitations.
I am so sorry his disability is all your fault.
I am so sorry you will always be stressed regarding his well-being.
I am so sorry for your sorrows…
I am so sorry you internalize your sorrows.
I am so sorry your internalized stress becomes physical pain.
I am so sorry you are not able to consciously transform your physical well being into good health, strength and balance.
I am so sorry that stress and poor health affect your financial well being.
I am so sorry that no matter what you do, you cannot succeed.
I am so sorry that no matter what healing method you apply, it will not work.
I am so sorry that you must live in poverty all the days of your life.
I must live in poverty all the days of my life?
Wait – I have a soul contract to live in poverty all the days of my life?
A series of past life events flash through my mind.
So many distorted perceptions…
Affecting everything I did and all those whom I love…
Did I inherit that soul contract?
Did I think that I had to be poor to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven?…
That I had to be poor to be loved by God?
God loves you from infinity, to infinity, and beyond.
Do I need to know more about this soul contract?
You have come full circle in your journey.
You are ready to move on.
Spirit guided me through the correct process to end this self-limiting soul contract.
I rested in the energy of realization and release for long moments…
Then came a Q & A session with Spirit…
There is such a thing as shared karma.
Did that soul contract of poverty affect my husband’s career?
Did that soul contract affect my husband’s ability to provide for our family?
So… no matter how hard we tried, and how hard we worked, it was all for nothing, because of that soul contract of poverty?
No? It was not for nothing?
Correct. With every project, you learned.
With every effort, you grew stronger.
With every accomplishment, you succeeded.
With every act of service, you shared love.
Yes, but we could never seem to hold onto what we created…
It is my fault that we lost our beautiful property?
Yes, the soul contract affected that outcome.
Despite all your giving, you were not able to receive.
Yet, the soul contract gave you something to strive for.
Your challenges gave you a reason to seek God.
And in all your trials, you have always been watched over and cared for.
Yes, I see. We were afraid, but we never lacked for food and shelter and … love.
So… were we meant to move on from there?
We were meant to come here… to care for Mother…
To experience all of this clutter clearing, downsizing, resting and healing and growing and connecting time?
Life is continually changing… as we grow?
Yes, to live a full clear life is to allow the flow.
Can I make a new soul contract?
One of my own conscious choosing?
Spirit guided me to create a new soul contract.
Sacred to me… with just the right words…
Hopeful, joyful, generous, empowering words.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I will rest in this new, more joyful energy for a time,
feel into this new, more expansive soul contract,
and allow my world to shift and flow.
It is done, it is done, it is done.
Releasing Old Resentments
I experienced a “storm” of physical pain a few days ago…
I worked on clearing as much trapped emotional energy as I could, and awoke this morning knowing someone else I needed to forgive…for their actions of harshness and disrespect toward me about 11 years ago…
which caused me excessive emotional, financial and professional pain and distress…
This was someone I trusted by virtue of a position of church authority and their medical profession…
Someone who sought me out for my professional knowledge and skills,
Who would not allow his wife to provide the needed care for his father
who was suffering from severe dementia…
(urine soaked socks in the pantry, aggravated Sundowners syndrome, packing his belonging to leave every evening, wandering away and more…)
But this man (my client’s son) thought nothing of imposing it all upon me,
as if he was doing me a favor by allowing me to slave 24/7
and expecting cut rate pricing by virtue of our church association.
Long story short…
I “made it through that rain”…
It was an experience of compassion for the client,
and of setting boundaries with someone in “authority”
(even though I was scared)
Of standing up for myself and insisting on payment…
but I was left with a bitter taste in my mouth –
great disillusionment and loss of respect for this person,
who was so greatly revered in his church position.
This occurred so long ago I thought I had cleared it.
I haven’t thought of it in years, as both they and we have moved,
and this person is no longer in my local church community.
So I thought it was gone and forgotten…
Yet apparently, resentment remained stuck in my energy field.
And this morning,
my soul revealed it to me.
I must forgive.
I don’t want to forgive.
He hurt me.
He shouldn’t have done that.
He scared me.
He was in the wrong.
He disrespected me.
He treated me abominably.
He treated me like shit.
He respected and protected his wife’s sensibilities,
but did not respect me.
He did not value my professional skills.
He was horrible to me.
I no longer respect him.
Do I have to respect him?
Have I forgiven him?
Is there any reason why should I forgive him?
For your own healing.
But I don’t know how to do it.
When I think of him I get a taste of bitter gall in my throat.
I want to vomit.
Will I feel better if I forgive him and let go of the resentments?
Has this hidden, forgotten resentment been blocking my healing?
Can I let it go now?
I’m not sure how…
Do I let it go just like I let go of any other old blocked emotion?
Ok… here goes…
Thank you, thank you, thank you…
It is done, it is done, it is done.
I got up, dressed, walked to the car, drove to the gym, did an hour of water aerobics, came home safely without struggle..
and all without pain.
If forgiveness works this well…
I shall be searching my soul for more that needs to be forgiven.
Thank you for witnessing my blessing…
Next Day’s Morning Meditation:
Shards and Shrouds…
Releasing Old Resentments yesterday opened a floodgate for more. This morning, did some basic full body presence breathing and a body scan. There were a few gentle pressures – back of my neck and top of my shoulders, and my feet and calves – that needed underlying ancestral emotions released (1 generation back – my dear sweet mother)…
Easily released by identifying and releasing the underlying trapped emotion of ancestral confusion…. many instances….
There is something else…
I intuitively scanned with my golden energy sieve and pulled out some sharp energy shards.
Do I need to know what these are?
No. Just rejoice that they are gone.
Is it time to get up now?
Great – I get to relax more and breathe.
Is there more resentment buried inside me somewhere that needs to be released?
Is there an underlying reason for it?
Do I need to know more about it?
How do I release it? Like I release other trapped emotions?
Do I polish it away with Compassion?
Do I just reach in and pull it out of me?
And give it to God?
In my mind’s eye, I imagined reaching my left hand into my soul heart space, grabbing hold of the energy of resentment, and pulling out of me…
It came out as a diaphanous grayish orb …
about 10 inches in diameter…
I opened my hand and it sat there a while on my palm….
Then it changed, shifting into a life sized, human body shape of translucent energy –
I had pulled out a whole energy shroud…
as if the resentment had resided inside me as an cognizant being… a separate entity of its own….
And then it was gone.
Just a lightness of spirit.
Did it go to you, God?
Is there more?
May I receive more of your golden divine light now?
Breathing in the light.
Now… is it time to get up?
Thank you, thank you, thank you….
Dear Soul Friends…
For letting me share my meditations with you.
After attending another Compassion Key session led by Edward Mannix,
I dreamed compassion statements all night long,
becoming consciously aware of this as I began to awake in the early morning hours.
Most of the statements repeated in my mind were things like:
“I’m so sorry they didn’t teach you the truth about money.
I’m so sorry they said you’d never be rich.
I’m so sorry they said you couldn’t manage money.
I’m so sorry you can never be rich.”
I’ve done much energy work and holistic healing regarding old misconceptions and trapped emotions.
I know the truth – that my soul value is infinite and this world is only transitory…
so none of these phrases triggered any emotional hurt.
Rather, they felt strangely comforting, so I kept going… and as the words began to shift, they touched deeper and deeper into my psyche…
“I’m so sorry you can’t have money because you’re a girl.
I’m so sorry girls are not smart enough to have money.
I’m so sorry he said you’d never be rich if you married him.
I’m so sorry he didn’t know the truth of who you are.
I’m so sorry he valued money more than the joy and happiness of his children.
I’m so sorry he held so many inner conflicts from his own childhood.
I’m so sorry his inner pain and conflicts affected your life experiences in such a big way.
I’m so sorry you have experienced poverty but can never experience wealth.
I’m so sorry you’ll never get to see what it feels like to be generous in a big way in the world.
I’m so sorry you will never achieve your dreams.
I’m so sorry big dreams coming true is for other people, not you.
I”m so sorry you had to ask permission to buy anything for yourself.
I’m so sorry you couldn’t spend $8 for a white blouse unless you asked permission.
I’m so sorry you weren’t worth it.
I’m so sorry you were not trusted with money.
I’m so sorry he didn’t know what to do with money himself.
I’m so sorry he thought if he actually got money, someone would come and take it all away.
I’m so sorry when you got money, the economy crashed and it was all taken away.
I’m so sorry you proved him right.
I’m so sorry you couldn’t be trusted with money.
I’m so sorry that no matter how you studied, you couldn’t figure out how to keep the money and grow it into wealth.
I’m so sorry you didn’t have a positive money blueprint.
I’m so sorry you were stupid with money.
I’m so sorry you can’t trust yourself with money.
I’m so sorry they don’t trust you with money.
I’m so sorry you don’t trust you with money.
I’m so sorry you aren’t trustworthy….”
Caught in the pain of the moment, the tears began to flow.
I knew there was something deeper coming up, and I asked….
“What do I do with this overwhelming emotion that I can’t trust myself,
What do I do with this feeling of shame that at a core level, I am not trustworthy?
If I am not trustworthy, I have no integrity….
I paused… wondering how I can solve this… for I know that as a child of God
I am loved all the way to eternity and back….
Yet still, I felt this deep despair of unworthiness…
“How can I come to a place of peace?”
“Is there an underlying reason for this feeling of being untrustworthy?
Is there a hidden underlying reason for this feeling of being untrustworthy?
I shifted to using The Emotion Code healing modality…
and discovered ancestral trapped emotions, many instances of
in three different ancestral lines
many generations back….
Father’s Father’s Mother’s line…
All these and other hidden, trapped ancestral emotions had been distorting the clarity of my own soul…
Contributing to my experiences while in this mortal realm…
Coloring how I experience this world…
And affecting what I create and what I pass down the generational lines.This holistic healing process,
beginning during the night with compassion phrases,
brought to my conscious awareness the energy resonances of traumas in my ancestors’ life experience,
And now they can all be let go… and all can grow…
Sending compassion to my ancestors:
“I am so sorry for the difficult experiences you had.
I am so sorry for your trials and sorrows.
I am so sorry the energy and resonance of these trapped emotions carried down through to your descendants…”
Released, the trapped emotions shift and I feel calm now, and lighter,
Allowing the natural healing processes of internal energy to flow.
My inner world becomes more balanced,
The distortion of the lens is cleared, for them, for me, for all who were affected…
And we are free.
Thank you, thank you, thank you,
It is done, it is done, it is done.
Burdens of the Ages… Bridge to Joy
What is this excess weight I continue to carry?
Why does this heavy burden linger on my soul,
despite healthy eating, improved sleep, exercise and meditation?
It is the baggage and burdens of the ages…
Ancestral hurts and sorrows they knew not what to do with.
Am I required to carry it?
Did I choose to carry it?
Was there a purpose for this sacrifice?
Is this inheritance a curse?
Is this inheritance a gift?
How can this painful, heavy burden be a gift?
In the releasing, it is a gift from you to them…
They lived in a time of soul contracts of scarcity, sorrow and fear,
A time of an eye for an eye,
A time of reaction and grudges,
You live in a time of transformation…
A time of open acceptance,
A time of increasing awareness, love and enlightenment.
If you did not know their sorrows…
If you did not feel their pain,
You’d never feel the need for change…
And you and they would always stay the same.
You are their bridge to the light.
As you seek relief, your awareness grows.
So grows your ability to connect with The Great Creator,
Your ability to release what is no longer wanted,
And your ability to replace past sorrow with pure love.
As you release this baggage from yourself,
It is also released from them.
They are your gift, in sharing their sorrows.
And you are their gift, as a bringer of light.
You are building their bridge to joy.
Just need to express myself for a moment… One of my 3 web services clients just cancelled.
I’ve served them for over 3 years… and all the details their new web service guy needs he has already gotten from the website and social media I built for them….
Alas… I feel adrift and sorrowful that they no longer want my services…. or that they allowed themselves to be persuaded by someone else…. I consider them my friends… I made personal visits to the establishment every month… I championed them as a business… they won a write up in the local paper due to my online work on their behalf… and this is how they repay me? By cancelling my services?
Is it okay for them to move on?
Is it okay for me to move on?
Did I serve them well?
Did they limit how much they would allow me to serve?
Have they grown beyond my capabilities?
Have my capabilities I grown beyond them?
OK. I agree. Perhaps the change is a blessing.
Still, it feels like a loss.
Am I allowed to grieve this?
5 emotions in grief.
I feel better just writing this down.
Is there a lesson here?
Something I could have done better?
Could I have built a better website?
Yes, but they did not allow you to.
They chose the limited services that matched them at the time.
Now that you have expanded who they are through your work,
They now feel ready to grow beyond what you created.
Should I try to get their business back?
It is time for you to move on.
You are capable now of so much more.
Is there a message in this?
Yes. Keep going. Keep growing. Keep giving your gifts.
As you expand and explore in your new energy
of affluence, ease and joy,
newer and better opportunities will come to you.
Prosperity, joy and abundance are flowing your way.
Thank you, thank you, thank you…
I go forward in the calm confidence of divine guidance…
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It is only just begun.
Two Worries and One Knowing
This morning I said Goodbye to Two Worries…
Two Worries that have colored my world
For as long as I can remember…
And that’s a very, very long time.
I did not realize that these are just worldly worries…
I did not realize how heavy they were to carry…
Nor how many decisions I could have made differently…
And how many more amazing experiences I could have enjoyed…
Had I not ignorantly enlisted these worries as life-long companions.
Because I carried the worries,
I created a world that included them…
A world of efforting and struggle against those two worries…
Which compounded them into four worries…
And those into more worries…
Now I see how truly useless these worldly worries are….
And, now that truth has become evident to me,
I also see that I can lay them down as easily as I picked them up,..
I can surrender these worldly burdens and simply let them go.
This morning I said Goodbye to Two Worries.
Without these Two Worries,
The answer comes readily.
That has been my companion for longer than I can remember.
Just BE the Love you wish to see in the World.
– A SoulTalk message from Jo Lyn
This Thanksgiving was different.
No houseful of family or guests.
No hours in the kitchen preparing turkey and fixings….
We let our grown children experience their holiday without us…
And as new “empty nesters”,
we chose something different.
He wanted food and football…
I wanted chocolate and sweetness…
and added in some service as well.
Thanksgiving Day with my husband’s sister and her husband…
Dining out, we enjoyed exquisite meals…
Grateful for this experience of Affluence, Ease and Joy…
Then a movie… Marvel Adventures of Dr. Strange…
A traditional doctor of western medicine…
Experiencing a traumatic wake-up-call,
Broadening his awareness into the
World of Energetic Power and Force…
Chakras… Astral Bodies… Dealing with Offensive Entities…
Altered Perceptions… Spells… Crystals…
Manipulating Space and Time… Portals… Vortexes…
“Lions, Tigers and Bears, Oh My”….
If you understand the world of energy… you’ll love this!!
Friday Football on the Big Screen,
A comfortable night in our own bed,
Saturday morning service at the Seattle LDS Temple,
Then a “quick” trip across the State to visit my sweet Mother….
Who currently lives with the friends who “bought the back pasture”
over 40 years ago, and established their homestead there.
It quickly became evident that her caregivers’ health is precarious.
His bulging disc and 6 months of sciatica pain
led to back surgery scheduled for Monday…
and they had made no provision for extra help for Mother…
just planning to leave her “home alone” while he is in surgery….
Some optimists live in a state of blissful denial…
And keep going despite overwhelming odds…
Until they just can’t anymore.
I did that.
The ostrich syndrome.
Works only in the short term.
Not for the long term.
Change is always coming.
We can resist… and struggle…
Or accept… and shape the change…
Leave my 94 year old Mother “Home Alone”?
We decided to stay longer….
“What if he doesn’t get better, Jo Lyn?” she asked. “What shall we do?”
I lean toward her in compassionate strength…
“We will deal with it together, one step at a time.”
He no longer has the strength to serve Mother’s needs,
And she is too frail to manage the wheelchair…
And it’s clear to us that it’s time for her to move.
But six months ago she adamantly refused the offer of change….
A Sunday evening open discussion at my brother’s home
produced three good options from which Mother can choose.
Meditative prayer and Soultalk sessions.
Intuitive guidance received.
A list of specific actions to perform for specific family members.
So much to do, in this healing process of love…
Mother requested an outing to the bookstore on Monday.
She selected her books and went to the check stand…
Where a 60’s something customer stood by,
Who, “in-cahoots” with the clerk,
Paid for Mother’s books before she could even get out her wallet.
“Merry Christmas”, the lady said.
Surprised and startled, Mother said, “Thank you.
What just happened?” We all laughed, delighted at the exchange.
Three ladies in the store obviously recognized Mother from
her decades of Church service in the community…
But Mother no longer recognized them.
“Mother, she gave you a Christmas gift – she paid for your books.”
“Well, Thank You!” she managed again…
“And Merry Christmas to you, too!”
The ladies gather round, watching, smiling,
as mother slowly makes her way to the door.
“Merry Christmas… Merry Christmas… Merry Christmas….”
In the car, heading home, she said again,
“Why did she do that? I don’t know her from Adam or Eve!”
“Mother, she gave herself the gift of giving,
She honored you for your years of giving in the Church and community.
They knew you… perhaps you taught them as children… or led them in song…
or served at a dinner… a funeral… or helped at a wedding…
or knew them in the Daughters of Utah Pioneers….
They knew you, and honored you.
In some way, at some time, you blessed their lives,
and today, in this way, they blessed you with a simple gift.
And in blessing you, it blessed them to be able to give.
Lunchtime. A simple meal.
A request for healing for her caregiver,
who was still waiting for his surgery.
“I am concerned for him, and I am concerned for you all…”
opened a gentle discussion with Mother.
Her preferences explored…
An interim support system in activated…
She chooses my brother’s place.
It’s closer, and already designed to serve her mobility needs.
“But I will have to get rid of a bunch of stuff before I move…”
“No worries, Mom, we will help. We can work it all out.”
Traveling home before the roads ice over,
“She wants to come to you… “
I love Mother dearly, and would love for her to come to us…
To care for her for the rest of her days,
However short or long that may be.
But to be able to manage her needs with ease,
Another change is needed.
Unpacking, in a quiet moment,
I sense my departed father near.
“Hello, Dad,” I say. “Are we doing okay for Mom?”
Is it right for her to go to my brother’s place?
Do you want her to come to me?
Then here’s what I need you to help me with…
A more generous size home.
Closer to my husband’s work.
And within our stated budget.
There are Angels Among Us…
On both sides of the veil.
Aligning all for the highest and best good.
Blessing energy flows abundantly,
Bathing us all in an abundance of Affluence, Ease and Joy,
As much as we are willing and ready to receive…
I am grateful for this Gratitude Weekend…
For the spiritual gifts I am able to activate for myself and others…
for the results of my SoulTalk healing sessions…
Empathic clearing of ancestral and present emotions….
The feedback I am beginning to receive is amazing…
My sister’s disability released enough that she was able
(and courageous enough) to drive her car for the first time in 12 years.
My nephew now free of rage that trapped him for years in fear and pain and isolation.
My disabled son now working… taking on life responsibilities in a new way….
Funds sufficient for our needs…
Simple, but profound, the blessings are flowing…
A real estate transaction resolution… “Your check is ready”…
I am excited to see what shows up next.
Thank you, thank you, thank you….