Today I completed a 28 Day Gratitude Practice…
28 days of focused attention to blessings great and small…
What I appreciate most about the experience is that
my morning meditative self talk focus has shifted from
“what do I need to clear” (focused on the past) to
“what am I grateful for”… (focused on the present)…
And in the present moment,
I am laying the foundation for future moments…
of greater gratitude and joy.
I have been trying to resolve some physical health issues,
and knowing that there is an underlying mental, emotional, energetic
component to every disease and disorder,
I have developed the habit of waking up each day,
searching my mind for what I need to clear out of my psyche…
That “clearing” practice has been helpful in digging up and airing out
long forgotten unpleasant experiences, and allowing the biochemistry processing to complete…
But at some point, my habitual thought pattern became so focused on past wounds that I forgot to appreciate that I don’t live in my past anymore…
And I am much better served by being grateful,
in the present moment,
for blessings great and small…
Habits of thought are created through repetition, so, with the help of some special friends, I employed Rhonda Byrne’s “The Magic” (book 3 in the series of “The Secret”) as the structure for my 28 Day Gratitude Practice.
The first time through, I created the structure for our practice in the Facebook group, but my actual personal practice fizzled out…
Until one of my friends said “Let’s start this up again.”
This time, I am so happy to report that I completed each of the 28 Day Gratitude Practice prompts, with full purpose of heart…
and The Magic truly began to happen!
My energy lightened.
My spirits lifted.
I began looking for things to be grateful for.
I focused on noticing the joy…
And as I did, more joyful things appeared!
New clients showed up – effortless abundance!
I found the energy to deep clean my home – definite progress!
I received unexpected checks in the mail – a welcome surprise!
Today I woke up with gratitude phrases in my mind…
and found my body beginning to cooperate gently and joyfully…
“Thank you for my strong, healthy body.”
“Thank you for full range of motion.”
“Thank you for full relaxation.”
“Thank you for standing tall and walking strong.”
“Thank you for all the love in my life.”
As I write this post, a children’s song comes to mind…
from the Children’s Songbook…
one that I taught my own little ones…
a song of saying thank you… thank you… thank you…
a song of receiving divine love…
“Children All Over the World”
All over the world at the end of day, Words: Peggy Hill Ryskamp, b. 1949. © 1975 IRI
Heav’nly Father’s children kneel down and pray,
Each saying thank you in his own special way,
Saying thank you, thank you in his own special way.
“Wir danken dir.” (veer don-ken deer)
All over the world tender voices hear.
Some say “tak,” (tahk)
others “merci,” (mare-see)
“Kansha shimasu,” (kahn-shah shee-mah-sue)
We thank thee.
Our Heavenly Father hears them;
He understands each tongue.
Our Heav’nly Father knows them;
He loves them,
Music: Beth Groberg Stratton, b. 1944. © 1975 IRI
Children’s Songbook of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
I awaken, thoughts of my loved ones going through my mind.
I muscle test for which of them I should pray and meditate.
This morning – the meditation is for my husband.
In my mind’s eye, I place him in a Circle of Divine Light.
I am directed to give myself compassion for things that have come up for him, that seem to be holding him back, and which affect both of us.
I muscle test each phrase for truth, seeking the right words to describe the right energies to be shifted and cleared.
I address the phrases as if from my higher self to my current self…
I am so sorry your husband does not have the opportunity to fully serve to his capacity at work.
I am so sorry he is stuck in a limited role.
I am so sorry they don’t realize his value to contribute.
I am so sorry he gets frustrated that they don’t value his contribution.
I am so sorry they devalue his ability to contribute meaningfully because he is older than they.
I am so sorry they see age as a handicap.
I am so sorry they don’t see his work experience and capabilities as the great resource it truly is.
I am so sorry his opportunities are limited.
Is there another perspective to explore?
Self-directed compassion continued, this time for our son.
I am so sorry your son doesn’t make enough money to pay for his own apartment.
I am so sorry he makes too much money to qualify for the low income apartment.
I am so sorry he will have no place to live unless some doors open up for him.
I am so sorry it is all your responsibility.
I am so sorry you need a miracle for him.
I am so sorry you need a miracle right now for him.
I am so sorry you will always have to help your son.
I am so sorry he was born with a so many limitations.
I am so sorry his disability is all your fault.
I am so sorry you will always be stressed regarding his well-being.
I am so sorry for your sorrows…
I am so sorry you internalize your sorrows.
I am so sorry your internalized stress becomes physical pain.
I am so sorry you are not able to consciously transform your physical well being into good health, strength and balance.
I am so sorry that stress and poor health affect your financial well being.
I am so sorry that no matter what you do, you cannot succeed.
I am so sorry that no matter what healing method you apply, it will not work.
I am so sorry that you must live in poverty all the days of your life.
I must live in poverty all the days of my life?
Wait – I have a soul contract to live in poverty all the days of my life?
A series of past life events flash through my mind.
So many distorted perceptions…
Affecting everything I did and all those whom I love…
Did I inherit that soul contract?
Did I think that I had to be poor to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven?…
That I had to be poor to be loved by God?
God loves you from infinity, to infinity, and beyond.
Do I need to know more about this soul contract?
You have come full circle in your journey.
You are ready to move on.
Spirit guided me through the correct process to end this self-limiting soul contract.
I rested in the energy of realization and release for long moments…
Then came a Q & A session with Spirit…
There is such a thing as shared karma.
Did that soul contract of poverty affect my husband’s career?
Did that soul contract affect my husband’s ability to provide for our family?
So… no matter how hard we tried, and how hard we worked, it was all for nothing, because of that soul contract of poverty?
No? It was not for nothing?
Correct. With every project, you learned.
With every effort, you grew stronger.
With every accomplishment, you succeeded.
With every act of service, you shared love.
Yes, but we could never seem to hold onto what we created…
It is my fault that we lost our beautiful property?
Yes, the soul contract affected that outcome.
Despite all your giving, you were not able to receive.
Yet, the soul contract gave you something to strive for.
Your challenges gave you a reason to seek God.
And in all your trials, you have always been watched over and cared for.
Yes, I see. We were afraid, but we never lacked for food and shelter and … love.
So… were we meant to move on from there?
We were meant to come here… to care for Mother…
To experience all of this clutter clearing, downsizing, resting and healing and growing and connecting time?
Life is continually changing… as we grow?
Yes, to live a full clear life is to allow the flow.
Can I make a new soul contract?
One of my own conscious choosing?
Spirit guided me to create a new soul contract.
Sacred to me… with just the right words…
Hopeful, joyful, generous, empowering words.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I will rest in this new, more joyful energy for a time,
feel into this new, more expansive soul contract,
and allow my world to shift and flow.
It is done, it is done, it is done.
My Sacred Gift of Writing
My Sacred Gift of Healing
After our Compassion Circle Sharing call last evening, I thought to put my body in a circle of light, and give it compassion for the weight, health and balance issues that have prevailed despite all my holistic energy healing work.This self-directed compassion is a process of self-love, self-forgiveness, and self healing.
It is a process of validating emotions for the purpose of acknowledging them as real, as important, and as part of our soul’s process of exploring what we want and what we don’t want to experience… thus helping us be free to make positive life choices.In my mind’s eye, I draw a golden circle of Divine Light.
I place my body in that circle.
So sorry you are so heavy.
So sorry no matter what you do, you cannot change your stars.
So sorry you are stuck carrying other people’s burdens.
So sorry other people can release weight through learning to love themselves, but you cannot.
So sorry you are stuck in a perpetual state of chronic adrenal stress, for ever and ever and ever and ever and always.
So sorry your parasympathetic nervous system is so shattered, and you can never heal.
So sorry the stress you carry is not a burden you can ever put down.
So sorry you can send other’s burdens to the light, but not your own.
So sorry you feel you have to save the world.
So sorry you contracted to be in servitude forever.
So sorry work and service have to be hard.
So sorry you don’t know how to serve from a space of joy and love.
So sorry your world cannot be light and easy.
So sorry it is so difficult to throw off generational burdens.
So sorry they carried heavy burdens, so it wouldn’t be fair if you lightened your own load.
So sorry those burdens are so heavy your legs can no longer hold you up.
So sorry you have to become disabled in order to be relieved of your burdens.
So sorry now you have become a burden to others.
So sorry for your sorrows.
so I leave my body in the circle of light…
Intermittently, I wake up and check the circle.
Yep, my body is still there.
I give more compassion each time I awake.
So sorry you are stuck there.
So sorry you will always be stuck.
A few more hours of sleep – it is still there in the circle.
So sorry there is nowhere to go.
So sorry there is only shadow in that circle.
So sorry a circle of light is so dark.
So sorry you think you have to be heavy to stay alive.
So sorry you think you must be heavy to survive.
So sorry you don’t see that heaviness is what is killing you.
So sorry you don’t see that burden is too heavy.
So sorry you can’t see that weightlessness would allow you to move more freely.
So sorry you can’t see that you have the power to change.
So sorry you don’t see that you can give yourself permission to release the lot of it.
So sorry you don’t see that you can release it and let it go while still in this physical body.
So sorry you can’t figure out how to let it go without dying.
So sorry your cells think they are protecting you from harm by chelating emotional toxins.
So sorry you are too afraid to see your truth.
So sorry you cannot just let it all go.
So sorry you cannot love yourself just the way you are.
I awake in the morning – yep… my body is still in the circle… but I am on my way to deep water aerobics, so I can’t stop and focus for a session. It will have to wait.
My swimsuit on, I’m in the pool.
In between the instructor’s guidance,
I check that circle of light.
My body is still there, but it is all crumpled up.
It looks like a pile of discarded clothing.
Blacks and browns and blues.
Shall I send it compassion now?
Okay… and I go my merry way,
able to perform full range of motion in the water,
moving there in ways I cannot do on dry land.
My lips have been chapped for weeks.
Ever since Mother passed away my lips have dried out, peeled off, become soft again, only to dry out again.
Sometimes my lips feel like a snake shedding it’s skin.
Yes, I use amazingly good lip stuff.
Yes, I stay well hydrated.
Water water everywhere, inside and out.
Still, I’m shedding my skin.
On my way home I check again.
Yep, my body is still in the circle of light,
all crumpled up like wadded up fabric…
Shall I do a compassion session now?
Once home, I dry my hair, eat breakfast, send my husband off to work, and sit at the computer.
I write my story of Clearing Deep Resentments, (4 hour project) totally losing track of time.
I love expressing myself through words.
Words have so many nuances.
I love that I can muscle test and know which words to use.
I love that when it’s the wrong word or phrase,
My intuition will lead me to the right ones.
Those I know who don’t love writing
think I am compelled to write by some evil magician or because of an odd pathological obsessive compulsive behavior.
But truth being – I write because I love to write.
I can express myself through the written word
in a way that satisfies my soul.
I write to process.
I write for healing.
I check my circle of light.
Is my body still a crumpled pile of clothing?
Do I see the crumpled pile?
Is my body still in the circle of light?
Is my body light in the circle of light?
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It is done, it is done, it is done.
Clearing Deep Resentments
I received a compassion session from my Compassion Key partner, in which I uncovered deep resentments toward my father that I had never cleared, in all these years of healing work.
It was not a fun session for me.
I didn’t want to face the truth that I could never be fully healed
until I resolved this issue of resentment and unwillingness to forgive.
The issues are generations old, passed down from one to another.
I didn’t realize the greater fault was mine, in refusing to release the resentments.
I had been guarding my feelings for so long, that I externalized the blame.
I didn’t wake up to the understanding that the power of healing was within me all along….
As a small child I loved and revered my father,
even though he prized his boys and disregarded his girls.
As a teen, I became disillusioned, rebellious, frustrated and quite bitter toward him.
As a young adult, in an effort toward emotional self preservation,
I distanced myself from his authoritative, scarcity mindedness
and his “my way or the highway” attitudes.
It became easy to blame my problems on his less-than-perfect parenting.
All I ever wanted was to love and be loved.
He couldn’t say kind or encouraging words to me.
Our energy styles are polar opposites.
He could only understand the world and other people through his own filters…
and the same could be said of me.
Though I was born of him, his inner world was totally different than mine.
Mid life I recognized my father was simply human,
and it was unrealistic to expect him to meet my old idealistic perception of perfection.
As he aged I realized I could never change him.
But more than ever, I found it difficult to be around him.
I felt that his heavy abrasiveness overpowered the natural light of my soul.
Regardless of how I tried to share what was in my heart,
he seemed unwilling or unable to understand.
I continued to hold my self-protective grudges,
unwittingly stuck in my emotional past,
just as he was stuck in his.
I kept trying through the years to show my love.
Truth be, I suppose I was also seeking his approval.
When their health failed and they wanted to stay in their home,
I remodeled it and installed a kitchen at my own expense so they could have one-level living.When it was no longer safe for them to stay home alone together,
and having people in to help was too stressful,
I drove Dad around town looking for options.
He didn’t want to get into my car, because it was a Cadillac.
He said “Someone would see him in that car and come steal all his money.”No matter that I had proven myself financially enough to be able to help them,
he could not, and would not, accept my offerings.
All I wanted was genuine acknowledgement of shared love.
But it was not forthcoming.
I gave up and began “dodging the bullet” of pain.
I stopped trying to get him to love me.
Because he was my father, and for the sake of my mother,
for all those years, I tolerated him.
I accepted that he had his own coping mechanisms,
and was incapable of expressing love to me in a way I could understand.
He viewed emotions as weakness,
insisting that I use my head and not my heart,
to ensure survival and success in this world.
That counsel caused me great confusion,
because I knew I was all heart.
Thus, I was incapable of meeting his expectations.
He was the authority in my childhood world.
I developed an adverse attitude toward authority in my adult world.
The stress of these inner conflicts and misperceptions contributed to my health meltdown, eventually leading me to a journey of holistic healing.
I attempted to share these new perceptions with my parents.
But because this new learning dealt with emotions,
and emotions were to be feared and disregarded as unimportant,
even though my teachers had worldly authority as doctors,
my new perspectives were promptly and summarily dismissed.
“Poppycock!” was the word.
A few weeks after my father passed in 2012, his spirit spoke to me.
“I’m beginning to understand now. I want to know more,” he said.
But I was bone-deep angry.
“You waited too long,” I said, dismissing him. “You’ll have to wait until I’m ready.”
I continued on my path of learning healing modalities.
For the next six months, I’d get random sharp pains in my right shoulder. Muscle testing and emotional healing work revealed that this was my father, commanding my attention toward something he wanted cleared, either for himself or for his ancestors, often for his mother. I would do the energy healing work and my shoulder pain would dissipate.
Eventually, the shoulder pains ceased altogether, and the patterns of empathic pain shifted to different areas. Prompted by physical pain, I cleared hundreds of thousands of ancestral emotions using various healing modalities in the next few years. As I expanded my understanding, I became quite skilled in this ancestral healing work and in getting the energies to move.
Still, my health and wealth issues continued. I remained weaker and heavier than expected. Often off balance. And I experienced random sharp pain in different parts of my body.
Blessedly, the pain could always be cleared through energy work. Blessedly, our finances improved somewhat. Most importantly, I chose to focus on being more aligned with the Spirit, and found great comfort and peace through meditation and prayer..
Mother came to live with us last year, at age 94. She would often wonder out loud why she was still here in this world, and I would tell her she was “here for the love of it.”
Sometimes she would wish she could die, but say she didn’t know how.
I would tell her I didn’t know how either, but if she figured it out, to go ahead and go to the other side… that when she did manage it, I would miss her terribly, but I would understand.
Once I told her that maybe dying is not something that you actively do, but perhaps it is something you allow. Maybe it is more of a simple “letting go”.
My body picked up on Mother’s energies, usually in the form of knee pain or chronic left hip pain.
I could get these to simply go away by doing the energy work. Curious, Mother read my energy medicine books and requested for me to do healing sessions with her and for her.
I explained that this energy I work with intersects the body and the spirit.Move the energy – get it unstuck – and the body’s natural healing processes can balance out.
The body is programmed for healing and our souls are programmed for wholeness.
Energy Medicine work is simply the practice of gently shifting the energies so the body, mind and spirit become free to do what they are meant to do… to support our soul’s highest expression here in form.Healing together became our constant practice… day and night.
Mother would tell me hurts and sorrows she held from years long past.
I would apply my energy healing modalities to the issues, and release them from her, from me, from all who experienced or were affected by them, and all who inherited them. Mother would tell visitors that I kept her out of the doctor’s office, because her aches and pains would go away when I did the energy work.
Mother passed away a few weeks ago.
She got her wish of simply going to sleep at home, in her own bed, surrounded by family, and just waking up on the other side.
I do miss her terribly, though I do understand she wanted to go.
Her spirit is free now.
She is with those she loves, those who went before.I miss our open, frank conversations.
I miss our expressions of loving kindness and consideration.
i miss her wit and humor.
i miss being able to show her my love through small daily, thoughtful actions.
I miss seeing her express the beauty of her soul through her beautiful cross stitch needlework.
I miss her presence in our home.Healing modalities and self-directed compassion are essential comfort measures for me. As the waves of grief subside, I notice that my chronic aches and pains are also subsiding.
But there remain some issues that are not yet fully resolved in my physical reality.
I notice that I miss my Mother in ways I never missed my Father.
For far too long, I have been busy resenting him for all my childhood hurts and misperceptions…
Too conveniently blaming him for my difficulties with relationships,
for my struggles in not knowing how to feel whole and connected and on purpose in the world.
Some of that was true during my childhood.
But as an adult, it is my responsibility to face my own truths and move beyond the past.
My problem was, until I learned energy healing work, I didn’t know how to move on.
I continue to participate in Compassion Key trainings, giving and receiving sessions.
I thought I had my emotions all handled…
I thought I had cleared all those old childhood issues by just putting them behind me…
until last week’s Circle Compassion session with my partner, Janet Charette.
As the session commenced, we began with a recap of our previous session which had been for her. Then she said it was my turn.
And thus began a conversation.
STUFF from childhood came up. It angered me.
“I thought I had cleared up all this stuff long ago,” I wailed.
“Why does it keep coming up and slamming me in the face, again and again?
When will this ever end!?
Do I have to die to let it all go?!”
Clearly, my resentment had surfaced.
The conversation triggered my old hurts.
That’s a signal that there is something that is ready to be cleared.“Ah”, said Janet. “Your father is who you need to put into the Circle of Light.”
I didn’t want to face it.
I didn’t want to face him.
I felt the effort would be futile.
I didn’t want to forgive.
I wanted to hold onto my resentments.
I didn’t want to bring up old hurts.
Because no matter what I ever accomplished,
he would never change toward me.
He could never appreciate me for who I really am.
I am a girl, and I am all heart, and his heart is closed to me.
I could never meet his expectations when he was alive,
so I knew I could not meet them now that he is dead.
I could never be a boy. He had five boys already.
Why could he not be happy to have girls, too?
I didn’t want to feel that old pain of being not enough.
I didn’t want to feel that old pain of being expected to clean up after him and the boys.
I didn’t want to feel the pain of being disregarded
and even disrespected and used as a workhorse because I was a girl.
I didn’t want to dredge up those old feelings of being unimportant.
I didn’t want to again go through the pain of being dismissed by him.
Fearing that his negative energies would bully and oppress
my natural lightness as it had in the past,
I resisted putting him in a circle of light.
It was far easier to dismiss him than take the risk and invite him in.
I knew I couldn’t change him. And I couldn’t change me.
For decades, running away had been my only salvation.
But Janet lovingly insisted.
“Will you allow me to help direct you to give yourself some self-compassion?”
And she held the space energetically for me so I felt safe.
So I imagined creating a circle of divine, golden light.
Envisioning him in that circle kept me safe from him, and him safe from me.
Then Janet dug deep with the compassion phrases, saying that as long as I keep him on the hook, there is lots of stuff I don’t have to face yet.
Oh my! My mind indexed on her comment as we progressed with the session.
Could this hook of old resentment be the truth I was side-stepping in all these years of holistic healing work? Could clearing these old resentments be the key to opening the door I’d been knocking on for so long? The key to stepping into a new way of being? A key to authentic wholeness? Is THIS why I still have nagging health and wealth issues?
Every so often, she told me to check into the circle and look at my father,
to see what he was doing.
I would prefer not to look, but I glanced over at the circle of light.
He was just standing there, alone.
I could see his confusion.
He didn’t know what he was doing in the circle.
There was nothing in the circle but him, alone.
Nothing to do.
No weeds to pull.
Nothing to be acted upon.
Nothing to be controlled or manipulated.
No act of service to perform.
Looking around wondering what to do.
“So sorry if you stop hating your dad, you’ll be at loose ends.
So sorry you won’t know what to do with yourself.”
Janet continued with the phrases, mirroring my thoughts with words.
Yes, I was triggered in the process.
Yes, I cried.
Yes, my face crinkled up as tears rolled down my face.
Yes, I blew my nose.
Janet continued to hold the space for me.
We checked into the circle again.
My father was flying a kite, totally unaware of my fears.
More digging deep.
More releasing of old hurts.
“I just want this all to be done!”
“It will be done when you choose that it is done.
When you have released all the resentments,
and your soul is clear, then it is done.
The timing is all up to you.”
We checked into the circle again.
Empty. He was gone.
Gone to fly a kite with his brother.
And that was it.
I didn’t die by encircling him in Divine Light.
I acknowledged my fears and resentments,
releasing them through the power of compassion,
Then I had another thought, which brought up another fear.
I have spent decades motivated by these fears
of not measuring up, of not being enough,
of not being worthy of mention or attention… or of love…
of having to prove that girls are just as valuable as boys…
And now that scarcity motivation is gone,
now that I have cleared these resentments, who am I?
What am I? What can I do? How do I be me?
“So sorry you don’t know who you are.”
“So sorry you don’t know how to be the new you.”
In compassion for my plight, Janet put on her Theta Healing hat
and connected with Divine Source on my behalf.
With my permission, she asked that the old contract be marked complete
on the genetic, core and soul levels, releasing of the obligation to re-pattern the lesson,
to release everyone in the world from showing up to re-teach me that lesson…
Forgiveness was expressed.
Permissions for fun and joy and love were given…
She requested and witnessed The Great Creator of All Things
lifting from me the fear and the pain,
and giving me the Creator’s perspective of how
to be in joy and choose from love,
and to know my purpose again…
Teaching me that when I am being on purpose I feel light.
Teaching me that if something feels heavy, to not choose it.
Choose to let go of all I am not.
If it is not light it is a lie.
To feel the joy in my human body…
If I have something in my heart… to let it out.
To become a conscious co-creator…
To follow my heart and express what is in it…
Whatever is the fullest expression of my soul’s light…
Whatever gives me joy and expresses my joy…
To be in my own creation, not attempting to fit myself into someone else’s expectation…
To not attempt to fill my perception of someone else’s expectation…
To not be “hell bent” on proving them right…
When I am doing the best I can in my sweet zone…
When I am doing what brings my heart joy…
That is when I am on purpose…
Happiness is wanting what I get.
Success is not what I expected.
I am allowed to be surprised by life and love and joy.
How much joy can I stand?
How much happiness can I handle?
How much money can I receive?
How many lives can I change?
Ask for that feeling. How it shows up is God’s business.
Then you will want to HAVE a life.
The more you live in the feeling you want,
The more you ramp up how much you can receive.
We always get what we want.
We don’t always know why we want it.
Often we create either too much of what we don’t want,
Or not enough of what we do want.
But now, having released all the old fears and resentments,
I can now have what I want.
I can now create what I want.
I don’t have to die to achieve it.
I can be loved, even cherished.
I can care without criticism.
I can love others unconditionally.
I can express myself without fear.
I can love without judgment.
I can live an inspired life.
I can feel aligned with The Great Creator.
I can have what I want in a healthy body.
I can contribute in meaningful ways.
I can go where I want to go.
I can live how I want to live.
Not the session I expected.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It is done, It is done, It is done.
Releasing Old Resentments
I experienced a “storm” of physical pain a few days ago…
I worked on clearing as much trapped emotional energy as I could, and awoke this morning knowing someone else I needed to forgive…for their actions of harshness and disrespect toward me about 11 years ago…
which caused me excessive emotional, financial and professional pain and distress…
This was someone I trusted by virtue of a position of church authority and their medical profession…
Someone who sought me out for my professional knowledge and skills,
Who would not allow his wife to provide the needed care for his father
who was suffering from severe dementia…
(urine soaked socks in the pantry, aggravated Sundowners syndrome, packing his belonging to leave every evening, wandering away and more…)
But this man (my client’s son) thought nothing of imposing it all upon me,
as if he was doing me a favor by allowing me to slave 24/7
and expecting cut rate pricing by virtue of our church association.
Long story short…
I “made it through that rain”…
It was an experience of compassion for the client,
and of setting boundaries with someone in “authority”
(even though I was scared)
Of standing up for myself and insisting on payment…
but I was left with a bitter taste in my mouth –
great disillusionment and loss of respect for this person,
who was so greatly revered in his church position.
This occurred so long ago I thought I had cleared it.
I haven’t thought of it in years, as both they and we have moved,
and this person is no longer in my local church community.
So I thought it was gone and forgotten…
Yet apparently, resentment remained stuck in my energy field.
And this morning,
my soul revealed it to me.
I must forgive.
I don’t want to forgive.
He hurt me.
He shouldn’t have done that.
He scared me.
He was in the wrong.
He disrespected me.
He treated me abominably.
He treated me like shit.
He respected and protected his wife’s sensibilities,
but did not respect me.
He did not value my professional skills.
He was horrible to me.
I no longer respect him.
Do I have to respect him?
Have I forgiven him?
Is there any reason why should I forgive him?
For your own healing.
But I don’t know how to do it.
When I think of him I get a taste of bitter gall in my throat.
I want to vomit.
Will I feel better if I forgive him and let go of the resentments?
Has this hidden, forgotten resentment been blocking my healing?
Can I let it go now?
I’m not sure how…
Do I let it go just like I let go of any other old blocked emotion?
Ok… here goes…
Thank you, thank you, thank you…
It is done, it is done, it is done.
I got up, dressed, walked to the car, drove to the gym, did an hour of water aerobics, came home safely without struggle..
and all without pain.
If forgiveness works this well…
I shall be searching my soul for more that needs to be forgiven.
Thank you for witnessing my blessing…
Next Day’s Morning Meditation:
Shards and Shrouds…
Releasing Old Resentments yesterday opened a floodgate for more. This morning, did some basic full body presence breathing and a body scan. There were a few gentle pressures – back of my neck and top of my shoulders, and my feet and calves – that needed underlying ancestral emotions released (1 generation back – my dear sweet mother)…
Easily released by identifying and releasing the underlying trapped emotion of ancestral confusion…. many instances….
There is something else…
I intuitively scanned with my golden energy sieve and pulled out some sharp energy shards.
Do I need to know what these are?
No. Just rejoice that they are gone.
Is it time to get up now?
Great – I get to relax more and breathe.
Is there more resentment buried inside me somewhere that needs to be released?
Is there an underlying reason for it?
Do I need to know more about it?
How do I release it? Like I release other trapped emotions?
Do I polish it away with Compassion?
Do I just reach in and pull it out of me?
And give it to God?
In my mind’s eye, I imagined reaching my left hand into my soul heart space, grabbing hold of the energy of resentment, and pulling out of me…
It came out as a diaphanous grayish orb …
about 10 inches in diameter…
I opened my hand and it sat there a while on my palm….
Then it changed, shifting into a life sized, human body shape of translucent energy –
I had pulled out a whole energy shroud…
as if the resentment had resided inside me as an cognizant being… a separate entity of its own….
And then it was gone.
Just a lightness of spirit.
Did it go to you, God?
Is there more?
May I receive more of your golden divine light now?
Breathing in the light.
Now… is it time to get up?
Thank you, thank you, thank you….
Dear Soul Friends…
For letting me share my meditations with you.
The Compassion Component
I am finding that adding a compassion component to ancestral healing processes softens my frustration
at having to face the empathic and organic pain that shows up in my own body.
In other words – I realized that though I am able to use holistic healing processes
to identify and release the pain and underlying emotions,
I still held resentment and resistance toward the pain and the process.
Sometimes I have railed against my ancestors.
Sometimes against God.
Most often, against myself for not already being perfect enlightenment in form.
Yesterday, I was able to let go and simply accept what is.
And my body began to relax on a deeper level.
This morning I awoke after an unusual 8 full hours of continuous sleep,
with a feeling of being whole in body, mind and spirit.
It felt so amazing that I didn’t want to move.
So I just breathed deeply, focusing on my heart space,
treasuring the feeling of being one with the Divine…
Until my body let me know it was time to get up and go…
Thank you for listening.
Wholeness…. the goal is authentic wholeness.
This morning I realized I had been focusing my healing statements around getting rid of what I don’t want… identifying negative trapped emotions, and using the healing processes to let them go.
I have lived so many years in various patterns of struggle that I needed a multi-faceted healing process.
I have used The Emotion Code, The Body Code, Energy Medicine, Craniosacral Therapy, Quantum Touch, Theta Healing and my own SoulTalk to release many millions of trapped ancestral emotions, traumas, offensive energies and the resonances of diseases.
All this has helped me and my family (and some clients) exponentially.
The goal is to release these old energies and be able to be free – to feel myself whole in body, mind and soul.
Results show in my increased ability to handle every day life without being emotionally triggered…
by responding rather than reacting.
I am much happier and healthier, it is true,
but I reached an impasse’….characterized by a feeling of numbness…
blandness… nothingness… almost emptiness.
Who am I now, that all the stress and crisis is gone?
How do I proceed in my life, when the old motivations of fear and scarcity no longer fuel my choices and my actions?
Wholeness, to me, includes feeling on purpose – KNOWING that I am in the right place, at the right time of my life, doing the right things….
Wholeness includes knowing how and where I am meant to contribute to my family…
my community… my world.
Authentic Wholeness, to me, includes being in purpose and on purpose.
Thankfully, as I seek to align with the Divine Creator in all Truth, I am led in my search for growth.
At this time, I am experiencing the Compassion Key Soul Created Wealth program,
mentored by Edward Mannix, accompanied by many soul friends on a similar path.
At different places in our respective journeys, pure compassion brings us together.
I heard Edward’s message differently on this last Soul Created Wealth and Planetary Healing call.
The Compassion Key training is uniquely different from the other healing modalities I have studied.
He said to decide what I want, format it into an “I deserve” phrase, intuitively test the truth of my phrase,
and give myself compassion for not yet having what I want.
Then spend 20 minutes every day on self directed compassion regarding this, and see where it takes me.
Today, I applied the approach of giving myself compassion for what I want, but do not now have.
What do I want, when my purpose is not clear?
What do I want?
I want to be whole.
I want to feel free.
I want my body to be healed and functional,
so I no longer have to look for the handicap parking spaces
and plan how to get from my car to the store where I can hold onto a cart.
Jesus said to a cripple, “Take up thy bed and walk.” And the man walked. I do not doubt this.
Miracles do happen. Some manifest quickly, others take time.
My health and strength are improved from just 6 months ago…
Yet I still struggle.
I would like to let go of the struggle and function on purpose in joy and ease.
I’m sure the scarcity mindset has limited my health, wealth and relationships in many ways.
“So sorry you are still in struggle.
So sorry for the years of scarcity.
So sorry you inherited so much energetic trauma.
So sorry they taught you that you must struggle all your life.
So sorry they said life was not worth living unless you lived hard.
So sorry the world beat you up.
So sorry the world proved them right.
So sorry you lost it all….
So sorry you were not tough enough.
So sorry the negativity affected your physical health.
So sorry you were stuck for so long.”
I deserve better. I deserve to be slim, energetic, strong and powerful.
“I’m so sorry you are not yet slim, energetic, strong and powerful.
When was I ever slim, energetic, strong and powerful?
In meditation, I got a visual of myself at age 8, running with joyful abandon
around the play yard at our family home….
running and playing with friends, sure footed, so confident in my body…
so confident in having a great time using our imaginations in play…
and I began to feel it…
I remembered what it felt like to being whole and free in my body.
Another visual opened up – this time on the playground at school, in imaginative play,
our group of girls were wild horses running free, and the boys were cowboys
come to bring us to the corral by the twirly bars.
Running, running, running…
Chasing and being chased…
love the running, running, running….
They “caught” the others, who were now happily twirling on the twirly bars…
Not me… I was still free…
Running, running, running….
Powerful energy surged within me and I was uncatchable…
“Hey recess is almost over!
We have to catch this last wild horse and go back in!”…
So I allowed myself to be caught….
but not easily…
they grabbed my arms,
and still I bucked and pulled,
challenging the cowboys’ abilities….
“This one is really wild!” they yelled at each other…
all of them coming to help catch the last wild horse…
Suddenly the school bell rang and the game was over…
We all ran to line up at the school door….
Huffing and puffing,
Exhilarated by the exercise…
Filing in for a drink of water and then to our classroom desks…
Settling down to my schoolwork,
completely whole and on purpose with who I was in the current moment.
They say that in Quantum Physics, reality is malleable, that what we choose now can change the past.
They say in Theta Healing that unless a person can know what it feels like
to do or be something, they cannot create it in physical reality.
Today, I remembered what it felt like to be whole and free.
I choose now to bring that feeling from my past to my present…
Slim, energetic, strong, powerful and whole,
Body, mind and spirit.
I am whole.
I am me.
I am free.
Soul Created Wealth and Planetary Healing
Fascinated by the power of pure compassion in the process of healing from the inside out, I enrolled in the certification courses to become a Compassion Key practitioner over the course of the next year… or two. Just the fact that I enrolled speaks volumes to the effectiveness of this work. I attended a bonus call for the “Soul Created Wealth and Planetary Healing” Compassion Key program, listening and taking notes for over 3 1/2 hours.
The call was awesome. Epic, even.
Regardless of my commitment, however, about half way through I found myself wanting to bail…wishing the call was over.
Yet I knew intuitively that I needed to focus fully on what was happening for each person receiving a one-on-one facilitation with our instructor, Edward Mannix.
So why was I wanting to bail out? To run away?
The answer: my subconscious was trying to keep me “safe” in my status quo.
My ego feared the shift that would surely come by releasing more of the emotional blocks and karmic residue that has kept me stuck in so many ways.
Courage inspired by intuition won out… I made myself sit still and keep typing… which kept me listening and engaged in the content.
Thus, the inner shift of those who volunteered for one-on-one facilitation became MY shift… and MY blessing.
Each facilitation was different, as each person’s needs differed. The facilitator listened, gently exploring the issue at hand to get a sense of the underlying causation, then led the participant in applying compassion statements intuitively. Beautiful work!
I am continually amazed that the simple process of listening and facilitating self-directed compassion can be the catalyst to bring up so much emotional baggage that is ready to be cleared. To me, the process of assisting someone to receive self-directed compassion is like sharing the pure love of Christ.
A little back story:
My father was a brilliant man, but also a great skeptic who suffered from inherited and experiential scarcity. He taught me early on in life to separate the physical from the emotional, so I sometimes have trouble integrating my inner generous world of spirit, thought and emotion with my outer world – struggling to achieve balance the areas of physical health and financial well being.
On this Compassion Key call, it was interesting to me to realize that immediate profound physical shifts can occur simultaneously with emotional release and spiritual cleansing. The group facilitation and planetary healing session at the end was especially intuitive and powerful – which is what I believe my spirit wanted to participate in.
I am glad I “stuck it out”.
I awoke this morning about 5 am with a curious sense of lightness… a new level of well being… from the inside out. This new feeling is like I’m breathing from every cell in my body – very airy, light and happy. I enjoyed it for an hour… then fell back to sleep. Upon awakening, I noticed a fear that the new feeling won’t last… that I’ll go back to being my old struggling heavy self.
It’s time to apply some self-directed compassion, to clear more of the karma obscuring the lens of my soul’s projection into this mortal existence.
Clearing my own experiential and inherited ancestral problematic issues in this manner frees us all from distorted perceptions,
and help us more fully align with the Divine.
“I’m so sorry you believe the miracle won’t last.
I’m so sorry miracles are only temporary.
I’m so sorry miracles tease you and then fly away.
I’m so sorry you don’t deserve real change.
I’m so sorry you are meant to be stuck in perpetual struggle.
I’m so sorry change is only allowed to happen in your imagination.
I’m so sorry you aren’t allowed to change your physical state of being.
I’m so sorry you are required to carry the heaviness for all eternity.
I’m so sorry your life contract requires you to struggle forever.
I’m so sorry your’e not allowed to rewrite the contract.
I’m so sorry they taught you that money only comes through struggle.
I’m so sorry you have to carry the suffering of your ancestors forever.
I’m so sorry there is never an end to struggle and suffering.
I’m so sorry you didn’t know that some people just spin a few plates and money flows in, sufficient for their needs, and even more than they need… enough to share with others.
I’m so sorry you can’t bridge the gap from having to work hard for money to spinning plates that simply serve up money.
I’m so sorry that gap is an uncross-able chasm.
I’m so sorry there is only a little money on your side of the gap.
I’m sorry the infinite piles of money are inaccessible on the other side of the chasm.
I’m so sorry you have all the materials and tools you need to build a strong, beautiful bridge to the other side of the gap, but you can’t seem to put it together.
I’m so sorry you think you would have to build that bridge all by yourself.
I’m so sorry it seems easier to scramble down the cliff to the bottom and try to climb up the impossible cliff on the other side.
I’m sorry they told you it is necessary for you to get hurt and broken and stuck in the bottom of the chasm because that is what they did.
I’m so sorry you are not allowed to exceed their level of growth and success. I am so sorry for thier sorrows.
I am so grateful that more light is beginning to flow.
I am so happy that the lens of your soul’s projection into this world is becoming more clear.
I’m so happy that more light of your soul is projecting into form.
I am so happy that the real you feels light, airy, and joyful.
I am so happy you stayed on that very long call last night so you could receive the blessing.”
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
“In every culture and in every medical tradition before ours, healing was accomplished by moving energy.” ~ Albert Szent-Györgyi, Nobel Prize for Medicine Recipient
Betty Marie Lyman Rasmussen age 95 at Point Ruston on Commencement Bay, Tacoma WA, August 19, 2017.
Yesterday we took Mother (age 95) with us to the park at Point Ruston, a new, re-developed waterfront community just outside of Tacoma WA, overlooking Commencement Bay. Sporting a wide brim hat and sunglasses, safe in her wheelchair, she laughed as she saw children playing with their parents in the water spray park, watched families pedal the surrey four wheel cycles up and down Ruston Way Path, and enjoyed a hot fudge sundae while listening to a street singer.
During part of our walk along the bay, she became frightened as she looked down the 10 feet of rock into the deep water. By the time we got home, she was experiencing lower back pain. We thought that an anti-inflammatory, a back rub and a night’s rest may take care of it, but her pain was still there this morning.
She wanted to go to Church this morning just to take the Sacrament, and then leave the meeting and come home and go back to bed. She purposefully left her purse and the hearing amplifier home – which was quite uncharacteristic of her. I reassured her that it is okay to do what is needed to nurture and comfort oneself.
Since there had been no fall or any physical injury, I surmised that there could be underlying trapped emotions that had come to the surface, triggered when she saw the cliff of rocks and the deep water. Muscle testing Q&A revealed a pattern of inherited insecurities and other emotions 16 and 21 generations back. Millions of instances of them. I used the processes I know and released them.
I asked mother if she remembered ever falling down a cliff or into deep water, and she reminded me of one winter many years ago, on their way to their mountain property to get a Christmas tree, their car slid off the icy bridge and into the river. The car sank, but Dad, Mother, and my brother Jim and his wife Gail were able to get out. Chilled to the bone and dripping wet, they managed to scramble up the snowy, rocky riverbank and climb up onto the road. Thankfully, another landowner just happened to come along, and he got them to safety.
The fear and shock of that traumatic experience has been stuck inside Mother all these years. My parents didn’t know how to deal with emotions, so their way of survival was to “suck it up and just keep going”.
But now, knowledge of energy healing modalities gives us the ability to release and balance the underlying mental and emotional components of pain, stress, disease and trauma. We no longer have to internalize and hold on to the pain. We can acknowledge the feelings brought up by our experiences, consciously let them go, and return to a state of calmness.
I used my energy healing processes on her behalf to release the fears and the tension, both her own and ancestral. Muscle testing indicated that the release was complete, but when we got into the chapel, she was still fussy – her hands shaking. I encouraged her to breathe deeply and allow the energy shift – to let go of the fear and the tension, so the pain could be released.
On the way home from church, Mother said that her back pain had eased up, that she is amazed at how powerful the energy healing work is, and that if things keep going like they are, she’ll be with us for many years to come.
Thank you for reading this healing story.
Blessings to all.
– Jo Lyn
Yesterday’s morning meditation became a joyous self-healing session, as I was guided through steps to make sure each part of my body was happy – physically and energetically. Step by step, using muscle testing and yes / no questions, I released trapped emotional hurts from my physical body parts. Bones, muscles, organs, fascia, trunk, limbs, head, chakras, meridians – all “spoke” to me, letting me know what was needed, and relaxing as they were “treated”. Nurturing myself in this way, each part of my body became energetically aligned. I rejoiced in the feeling of wholeness in a visceral, physical way as waves of the spirit washed through me – speaking through feelings of comfort, relaxation, acceptance, peace, joy and happiness in the present moment.
Later that morning, I did an energy healing session for my sister, who had been suffering for weeks with abdominal pain. Her physician didn’t know for sure what was wrong, but wanted her to take an expensive medication that her insurance wouldn’t pay for – and she was unsure what to do. The spirit led me through the healing charts on her behalf, guiding me to cast out energetic ancestral parasites and then scan her body to discover and release trapped emotions, just as it had guided me to do for myself earlier that morning. Several hours later, we spoke, and she indicated the pain was gone.
“How will I know if I still need the medicine later?” she asked.
The answer: “Listen to your body. It’s talking to you all the time through your thoughts, emotions and spirit.
Listen to the still small voice within, and you will know what to do.”
The next day – another early morning meditation. This time, I was prompted to do a complete body scan session for my sweet 95 year old mother. Divine sight guided me through the same process for her – reaching back through generations of time – validating experiences and touching souls on both sides of the spectrum of life experience.
Divine sight then showed me the circle of healing for one particular ancestor, a percentage of the healing process was for her, another percentage for her ancestral lineage, and another percentage for her descendants and all who were affected, first by the pain – and now, all are encompassed within the circle of healing and wholeness.
In gratitude for the intuitive gift of Divine Sight.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It is done, it is done, it is done.