Dear Higher Self,
Do you have words of wisdom for me today?
Yes of course, dear one.
Remember your nighttime meditation –
your identification of the procession of energies you have been identifying, processing, and releasing?
Grumpy pants, lethargy, and now, grief.
Grief is an energy that many wear.
A coat of many colors so to speak…
for grief has many nuances, many faces, many flavors…
Grief holds the soul in a vise like grip, stopping time in it’s tracks.
You have released the grief you were carrying for others.
Now you feel the grief in your own energy…
Go all the way back to it’s earliest conception.
Your grief was born in the contradictions your spirit encountered in this world of contradiction.
Contradiction is born of perspective.
Perspective is born of experiences,
and it goes round and round, causing misperception and grief everywhere you look.
Do a look-see on the other side of your grief,
and you will find that when viewed from the angle of divine existence,
it wafts away in the wind.
Grief is an energy.
Energies can shift and blow away.
Your grief, when processed out of your energy,
now leaves you in a space of neutrality.
What is on the other side of grief?
You can’t find it if you stay in neutrality.
But you can focus your attention on discerning the opposite of grief,
and identifying what helps you see that.
The opposite of grief, for you, is joy.
Joy is peace. Joy is gratitude. Joy is love.
Do you have those in your heart?
Then you have just accomplished the purposeful experiment of this world –
that is, you have generated greater love from roots of grief through the core node to the stems,
the leaves, blooms, the fruit. .
That is the human experience.
To create intentionally, by choice.
You chose to come here, to experience the opposite of what you wanted to create,
and then to grow beyond it.
Paint now, with your brushes of joy, peace and love.
For in so doing, you are a creator of the universe.
Dear Higher Self,
Dear Higher Self, what knowledge do you have for me today?
Hello Dear one. Ah – you seek knowledge – yes.
You are becoming. Always becoming.
You are on of those souls with insatiable curiosity.
You want to experience absolutely everything so that you will KNOW.
Well, have you experienced enough of what you have created this time around?
I thought not.
There is more for you to do and feel and learn and experience here in this realm.
You wonder if you can heal your body though consciousness.
The answer is yes.
But the body has its own intelligence – its own consciousness,
as do each one of your body’s individual cells …
They each have their own sensibilities and processes and habits…
All of which vibrate at their specific frequencies…
And sometimes, there is harmony among them, and sometimes – sometimes not.
So to heal through consciousness, you will need to create coherence
among all those vibrational frequencies…
to bring all of them into alignment with together – with a higher frequency overall.
Let your cells and systems and all aspects of your consciousness harmonize.
The wholeness of joy cannot be forced.
They must be invited.
How do you invite the vibrations of harmony and wholeness so your body can heal?
Make it easy for them to show up.
Invite them to remember their original blueprint for health and strength and capacity,
Then clean up the path so they can find their way back to that sense of well being,
of authentic wholeness.
Choose that which nourishes life and love and light.
Dear Higher Self,
What can I do right now to feel on purpose?
Write. That’s your gift.
Write your thoughts, your feelings, your flow.
Write your story, your purpose, your soul.
The words you put on paper create the world you live in today.
The words make it all real.
Write, Soul Writer, write.
The soul experiences life as an evolutionary process… we come into this world as helpless innocents, but taking on the inheritance of the accumulated experiences of our ancestors.
As we develop, we learn to adapt our perceptions and ultimately, beliefs, to the story and social structures of the the family and the community we find ourselves in to survive.
To the extent that our early nurturing is supportive and congruent, we grow up healthy, capable and resilient.
To the extent that our childhood is traumatic… we experience the results of adverse childhood experiences and developmental trauma – and find ourselves in hyper-reactiveness, self-limiting beliefs, mis-trust, and a myriad of other attributes that keep us from fully living our gifts and realizing a feeling of life satisfaction and joy ….
Yet regardless of the adversities of life, our soul is always “on-purpose”. In times of adversity, it can be helpful to remember who you truly are… as a divine being in the midst of a physical human experience… for the purpose of soul-growth, personal empowerment, and inner peace.
For me, healing has been a ten year journey of learning how to connect, discern, surrender, express, and set healthy boundaries. I’ve discerned five key components for empowered meditative soul expansion – when I leave any of these components out of my sessions, my results are limited. When I include all 5, my results are expanded exponentially.
I was led to create this mini-course to share what I’ve learned.
I hope you find it helpful on your own soul purpose journey.
Blessings of love and light to you…
“Perhaps you were created for such a time as this.” – Reference Esther 4:14
“Sometimes I ponder on the turn of events that transformed me from a hands-on eldercare nurse and facility owner to a holistic nurse who uses energy healing techniques in meditative sessions, facilitating healing on the subconscious and soul level.
Experiencing joy in simple daily life is now the prize.
My meditative skills at first were tentative – my abilities to help myself and others was limited by my own long list of imperfections. Energy healing techniques helped me learn to listen to my body, and to discern the perceptions I held in other aspects of my consciousness. When I learned to call upon The Creator of All That Is for true perspective and understanding, and ask for changes that are for the highest and best good, the effectiveness of my efforts expanded.
This way of being defines who I am, and how I go about navigating life’s choices.
Through this, I have healed inner wounds and found peace in my soul.
We were not meant to live life all alone. Healthy connection and healthy boundaries are crucial in becoming capable, resourceful and resilient. Being supported and being free to live our gifts can bring out the best in us. I am so grateful for all that I have experienced, and all that I am becoming. I am so grateful for you…
One morning, in meditation, I was called to pray for the people, our communities, and those holding positions of leadership.
And I was asked to share the prayer.
For our people?
For our land?
For our leadership?
For our choices to be motivated by kindness, goodness and love?
Thank you, thank you, thank you. It is done, it is done, it is done.”
(Visualization witnessing the angels among us, the skies being cleared, hearts lighting up with joy…)
Something in you is ready to connect on an even deeper level with the Master Healer, The Creator of All That Is.
Talk to God.
Give thanks for life itself.
Seek to cultivate more truth and love – to discover and live your gifts – to align with the Divine, to shine that light of who you are – and to find joy in the giving.
Be your best self today, and always.
God bless you!”
– Jo Lyn
Self care has become a big part of my path toward authentic healing… getting my autonomic nervous system to function in parasympathetic (healing) mode rather than always in sympathetic (fight flight) mode.
Some of my favorite self care methods include intermittent fasting, clean nutrition, clean air, pulsed electromagnetic therapy, energy healing, meditation, infrared sauna sessions, neuromovement exercises, and letting myself sleep when I’m tired.
Learning to accept, love and listen to the wisdom of my body is a big change from the old mistaken childhood belief that I was somehow “bad”, “dirty”,”unwanted” or “unworthy” simply because I was born a girl. That unhelpful mis-perception kept me in struggle for years, as I tried to “prove my worth” by always doing more and more and more. I became an over-achiever, taking on both masculine AND feminine roles in life and trying to fix everything for everyone around me. Yes, eventually I burned out – completely. My body finally had to force me to STOP and take time to heal.
It’s been a long time coming, but I’ve learned to graciously let go of others’ expectations, and let them take charge of themselves. I have become able to set and hold healthy boundaries, and to more clearly hear my own inner voice and discern true priorities.
Surprisingly, my need to take time for healing has not been met with disdain or judgement, as I expected. I am being nurtured and treated gently, even though I am not physically able to contribute as much in daily life as I did previously.
In terms of authentic healing – being able to feel safe enough to truly relax is key!
Today, rather than rushing through a shower, I took a long, hot leisurly bath… and became quite motivated… to relax!
And my husband is totally okay with me resting… he’s lovingly calling me his beauty queen!
Closet Clutter Clearing Therapy…
“We’re in contract.”
And maybe it would be a bungalow at the beach…
Oh, the possibilities!
or for better amenities…
And if we were really going to get back into home ownership, where would we REALLY want to live?
Clutter Clearing Class the first time a couple years ago.
This time, with the promise of a beautiful new home as motivation, I began.
The yes’s stayed on their hangers…
Why were they never worn?
Because I had changed.
I became a new me –
And this is a new day.
Ready or not…
It’s not the clothes.
I am letting go of the me that I was when I wore these items every day…
When I was young and slender and lithe and quick and vibrant….
I am letting go of the pain I felt when I was so sick
and my children cleaned out my closet of many favorites,
thinking I would never get well again…
they thought they were doing me a favor…
and maybe they were,
but it didn’t feel that way then.
“Let go of the old, you you can make room for the new.”
That’s what they say, but when you’re not ready,
it feels more like pain and grief and loss.
What if letting go of the old releases the loss?
What if letting go of the old empowers you to live fully in the present moment?
I feel the energy lift.
I lived 20 when I was 20.
40 when I was 40.
And now as I am now…
Wiping the tears away, I continue…
This time, on purpose…
the letting go is totally on my own terms.
Which means we made a conscious choice for where to live
for the next however many years we’ll be embodied on this planet as Kevin and Jo Lyn…
It’s been a journey of faith,
of conscious choices,
and careful budgeting.
Good stewards of the resources we know we will have for the long term…
And if you’re health is such that your world shrinks to the size of a box…
I say, let that box be beautiful!
Take only what you really want.
Bring with you only what serves you in the now.
Accept and be the you that you are today…
Jeanie Brosius King and Marie Kondo would be proud of me.
I am proud of me.
I manage to pick up the pile of clothes from the floor an armful at a time.
Supporting me as I shuffle from here to there.
My thoughts flicker to my friend who can no longer walk at all…
and one to let go…
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.
It has only just begun.
We’ve been contemplating our post-retirement move – which quickly became an adventure in house hunting. Not being as physically strong and capable as in years past, one of the thoughts that kept coming up for me was: “Who am I to have a house of my own?”, and “I have no value as a human being, what makes me think it is okay to have a house?”
Self-deprecating thoughts are, of course, self-defeating. Negative thoughts bring up deeply held emotions of shame, self-loathing, guilt for taking up space in the world, hopelessness, and an explicable self-limiting belief that something is intrinsically wrong with me.
Why do some people grow up with an innate sense of well-being, and others grow up emotionally insecure?
The answer to that is finally coming to light for me. Studying the latest research by leading scientists and therapists in trauma healing, I have a name for an underlying reason for my struggles with low self-esteem, and my continual need to study all things “holistic healing”. That name is “Developmental Trauma Disorder” – a term coined by Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk and his peers, as explained in his book “The Body Keeps the Score”. Understanding that in our earliest years, we create a perceptual map of what the world is like (safe vs unsafe), and that these deep subconscious beliefs drive our thoughts, emotions, behaviors and even abilities as we go through life… is enlightening.
For years, I’ve sensed that not everything is the way I perceive it to be. For decades, I held onto specific hurtful and confusing events from childhood as “evidence” that there was something wrong with me. Now I know that how my psyche shaped those internal perceptions was simply a result of my early childhood experiences. There’s nothing “wrong” with me as a human being. I’m not an unwanted piece of trash. For me, my developmental trauma was mostly based on my impression, at birth, that they were disappointed in me because I was a girl instead of a boy. They had no idea how that affected my sense of self worth… but here I am decades later – telling you about it – so it was not something I could “just get over”. Being a helpless, impressionable infant, my immature neurological system believed that there was something intrinsically wrong with me… and I was therefore at risk of not being safe in the world. I couldn’t simply “become a boy”… so I worked really hard to fit in and be significant in my family… thus ensuring my survival… but always felt an underlying sense of “not being enough”. And until my recent studies, I didn’t have the words to explain it.
So why am I sharing this “deep, dark inner secret” about my own mixed up psyche?
Why would I tell anyone about feeling worthless and undeserving as a human being?
Because last night, in meditation, I was able to clear (release and resolve) that old perceptual belief.
And that frees me to heal… to see myself as healthy… a fully embodied soul… capable, resilient, and whole.
And if I can do it… then maybe this will help someone else who suffers from DTD…
In my bed, I struggle to sleep. Failing that, I begin meditation. Knowing about Developmental Trauma Disorder gives me a greater understanding of the source of my decades of low self-esteem, I began working through my meditative question and answer process:
“I am Jo Lyn. Yes…
I have value as a human being. No…
Is this lack of value a divine truth? No…
Is this lack of value a belief? Yes…
Is this an ancestral belief? No…
Is this a collective belief? No…
Is this my own belief? Yes…
Is this a conscious belief? No…
Is this a subconscious belief? Yes…
I have value as a human being. No…”
Pausing, I feel the self-defeating belief deeply in my belly… visualizing the branches of my unmyelinated dorsal vagus nerve enmeshed throughout my visceral organs. The vagus nerve is directly connected to the limbic, reptilian part of my brain – the fight/flight/freeze command center – which was all I had to work with as an infant.
Tears flow from my eyes, running silently down the sides of my face, wetting my ears and my pillow. I couldn’t have known then, that just because they wanted a boy, did not mean that there was something wrong with me.
“I forgive myself for not knowing.
I forgive myself for being a baby when I was a baby.
I forgive them and myself for being human.
Can I clear this subconscious belief? Yes…
Do I know how to do it? Yes… “
Hands on my heart, I being tapping gently, intentionally…
“Clearing lack of value as a human being.
Releasing lack of value as a human being.
Resolving this developmental traumatic perception of lack of value as a human being.”
Tapping, clearing, releasing, resolving….
Sighing deeply, I feel the tendons and ligaments in my hip relax to a new level.
The decades old, unfinished fight/flight energy associated with feeling unsafe is allowed to process.
My hips and legs begin slight movements, which I recognize as completion movements related to flight…
“I am Jo Lyn. Yes…
I have value as a human being. Yes…”
Smiling, I continue…
“I am Jo Lyn. Yes…
I have value as a human being. Yes…
I create and share value with the world. Yes…
I am supported as I create and share value with others. Yes…
I am Jo Lyn. Yes…
I have value as a human being. Yes…
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It is done, it is done, it is done.”
Now… I can go house hunting and feel great about it!
Review of my website dashboard revealed this post from a couple years ago… I wrote it, but held too much fear and pain in my heart to publish it at that time. I’ve grown since then… but it still may have value to those working through similar processes. Sending love and blessings for your journey…
Scarcity and Abundance – Patterns of Perception and Response
Growing up in a family with a predominate viewpoint of scarcity was certainly a challenge – but also a blessing. My family taught me how to work – how to be industrious and creative in solving problems of daily life. But looking over my mother’s shoulder as she struggled to pay the monthly bills also taught me that money was something always in short supply. I determined early on that if I wanted to have anything in this world, I would need to work for it – and I did so with great strength, courage and enthusiasm. I held the certainty and hope that hard work would bring me things I wanted to have and a certain amount of worldly riches, or at least enough resources for basic support and comfort.
Growing up in a family with a religious heritage was also a challenge – and a blessing. I seemed to come into this world with my own strong sense of the worth of souls and the value of service to others. The religious training I received from being raised as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has supported my deep sense of spirituality and added depth and richness to all of my life experiences.
But there were also inner conflicts aplenty, which seem to have originated from habitual family patterns of reacting to life challenges from a perspective of fear and scarcity rather than responding from a space of love and abundance.
Therein lies my quest – to honor and appreciate the goodness of my family heritage and to release and let go of old patterns and perceptions that have kept me stuck for years in scarcity and pain.
I cannot tell the whole story of my journey to a life of generosity and abundance in one blog post. But I can share one small episode as an example.
Recently, I became aware that someone I cared about was resentful of us. It appeared that he had the impression that we were “rolling in the dough”, but wouldn’t help him in his financial trials. He had no clue that we were going through the same economic storm as everyone else we knew – and not faring very well.
When I learned of his opinion, I was triggered. My anger flared dramatically. I was immediately offended that he set himself up to judge us as unworthy of affluence. He had no true knowledge of our efforts to grow and expand beyond who we were and try to become “successful”, only to see it all wiped away during the economic downturn, and have to start all over again.
My husband saw how the conversation triggered me. He touched my arm lovingly, and whispered in my ear that the conversation was not meant to hurt either of us, but just to be an opening for improved communication. I grew silent and kept the rest of my thoughts to myself as I realized that the real problem was my emotional flare – something in me was definitely triggered by this conversation.
My thought process:
What is the real reason for this person’s resentment?
Have I actually caused him any harm? No.
It appears that our offense was to work hard to try to overcome scarcity mentality.
We were successful for a while, then seemingly, not.
All our hard work did not “pay off” and bring us “riches” as we had been taught as children that it would…
At least, not for the the long term.
But even then, why would this person be angry if we did achieve “success”?
Isn’t that what we all were encouraged to work toward?
And even deeper than that, why did his opinion even matter?
Why was I triggered emotionally?
Trying to make sense of what was going on inside my own psyche, I turned to The Body Code app and began using my muscle testing skills to discover some deeper answers.
“Is there an underlying reason for this flare of anger?
The Body Code led me to Energies > Post Traumatic > Inflammation
Underlying the inflammation energy were twin causes, 1) an addictive heart energy and 2) an energy of parasitic pathogens.
My intuition kicked in, and I muscle tested further, verifying the thoughts and memories that flooded into my consciousness.
The inflammation and parasitic energy were intertwined, and related to the perception of never-ending scarcity.
My scarcity beliefs began with an addictive heart energy inherited from my mother before I was born. Mother evidently experienced some kind of deprivation and fear while she was carrying me, and that energy was passed on to me at my birth. This distorted belief was then proven “true” by early childhood experiences (ask me some time about “Life Savers vs Tootsie Rolls”), and later childhood experiences of never enough money and not being deserving of receiving or spending money. I also discovered a deeper and darker sub-conscious belief that my very existence was not a blessing to my parents, but instead, that I was perceived as a burden, physically and financially. I believed myself to be a financial parasite to my parents – an “unprofitable servant” so to speak. Hence, my addictive heart energy of feeling desperate for love, my willingness to do anything anyone asked of me even if it was harmful to me, and the underlying belief of being undeserving and worthless. Oh, how I groan as I see how these negative patterns have played out in my life!
Even while I have been successful in many things, these and other inner conflicts have held me back from becoming all I can be. Sigh…
Let me be clear about one thing.
My parents never consciously intended for me to be hurt, or to cause any inner conflicts. I think they wanted me to be rich and happy, and while they taught me how to work, they didn’t truly believe I could ever really achieve anything substantial because I am a girl, and therefore in their world view, incapable of success or wealth building. I think they thought that for me to ever be rich, I would have to “marry money”.
Subsequently, I grew up with a self sabotaging psyche. I worked hard. I tried to work smart. I created a certain level of financial and business success, but not knowing how to manage during the economic meltdown, self-sabotaged myself right out of the abundance I had created. It was a nightmare to actually experience that self-fulfilling prophecy of scarcity.
Is there a real way out of this quandary of inner conflicts, self-defeating behaviors, and feeling like an unwanted vagabond on the face of the earth?
Yes, of course there is.
Everything begins with energy…
The energy of spirit…
The energy of thought…
The energy of emotion…
The energy of response…
The energy of choice…
The energy of action…
The energy of manifestation….
There is much more to share…
“Come along with me, the best is yet to be.”….
Today I completed a 28 Day Gratitude Practice…
28 days of focused attention to blessings great and small…
What I appreciate most about the experience is that
my morning meditative self talk focus has shifted from
“what do I need to clear” (focused on the past) to
“what am I grateful for”… (focused on the present)…
And in the present moment,
I am laying the foundation for future moments…
of greater gratitude and joy.
I have been trying to resolve some physical health issues,
and knowing that there is an underlying mental, emotional, energetic
component to every disease and disorder,
I have developed the habit of waking up each day,
searching my mind for what I need to clear out of my psyche…
That “clearing” practice has been helpful in digging up and airing out
long forgotten unpleasant experiences, and allowing the biochemistry processing to complete…
But at some point, my habitual thought pattern became so focused on past wounds that I forgot to appreciate that I don’t live in my past anymore…
And I am much better served by being grateful,
in the present moment,
for blessings great and small…
Habits of thought are created through repetition, so, with the help of some special friends, I employed Rhonda Byrne’s “The Magic” (book 3 in the series of “The Secret”) as the structure for my 28 Day Gratitude Practice.
The first time through, I created the structure for our practice in the Facebook group, but my actual personal practice fizzled out…
Until one of my friends said “Let’s start this up again.”
This time, I am so happy to report that I completed each of the 28 Day Gratitude Practice prompts, with full purpose of heart…
and The Magic truly began to happen!
My energy lightened.
My spirits lifted.
I began looking for things to be grateful for.
I focused on noticing the joy…
And as I did, more joyful things appeared!
New clients showed up – effortless abundance!
I found the energy to deep clean my home – definite progress!
I received unexpected checks in the mail – a welcome surprise!
Today I woke up with gratitude phrases in my mind…
and found my body beginning to cooperate gently and joyfully…
“Thank you for my strong, healthy body.”
“Thank you for full range of motion.”
“Thank you for full relaxation.”
“Thank you for standing tall and walking strong.”
“Thank you for all the love in my life.”
As I write this post, a children’s song comes to mind…
from the Children’s Songbook…
one that I taught my own little ones…
a song of saying thank you… thank you… thank you…
a song of receiving divine love…
“Children All Over the World”
All over the world at the end of day,Words: Peggy Hill Ryskamp, b. 1949. © 1975 IRI
Heav’nly Father’s children kneel down and pray,
Each saying thank you in his own special way,
Saying thank you, thank you in his own special way.
“Wir danken dir.” (veer don-ken deer)
All over the world tender voices hear.
Some say “tak,” (tahk)
others “merci,” (mare-see)
“Kansha shimasu,” (kahn-shah shee-mah-sue)
We thank thee.
Our Heavenly Father hears them;
He understands each tongue.
Our Heav’nly Father knows them;
He loves them,
Music: Beth Groberg Stratton, b. 1944. © 1975 IRI
Children’s Songbook of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints