A beloved friend recently reached out in anguish,
seeking reassurance during a time of self-doubt,
a struggle she has faced since childhood trauma reared its ugly head.
I was slow in answering, because I was away from my desk,
and not immediately available.
When I eventually responded, others had already reached out to comfort her,
but when she saw my post, she reacted with the words –
“Oh – you DO care!”
Yes, dear one, I do care.
My heart overflows with exquisite compassion
that seems to come from somewhere else, beyond my own human smallness.
My husband and I were at the temple that morning,
and my state of being is feeling quite tender remembering it,
for I received such a powerful spiritual witness of The SON at the veil.
During the service, I imagined myself standing before God,
emptying my soul of everything I had been hanging onto…
like a little child would empty his pockets of all his treasures…
turning them inside out as he revealed
the bits and pieces of dusty stuff,
sticks and stones, marbles and string,
wadded up papers and scraggly bits of ribbon…
things he had picked up along his path,
or gotten from others in his meanderings…
pulling it all out, holding it tightly in his fists for a moment,
then laying it all out upon the bench before his father…
hair all mussed up,
smudges of dirt on his face…
with nothing left to give…
And then in my imagination, the bench became an altar,
and the great hand of God reached down and swept it all away,
scattering my once-treasured trash across the room and off into oblivion!
All those little things I had been holding onto were gone.
I had nothing left to give or to do.
Nothing left to hold onto.
I simply stood there, pockets and hands empty, standing alone before the altar of God.
Whereupon – God reached out his arms,
gesturing for me to climb up onto the altar.
So I climbed up to the cushion on top,
and curled up like a little child asleep.
And then, in my mind’s eye,
the great hands of God encircled the altar,
flowing Divine creative energy completely through me,
cradling me, cleansing me with an immense flow of Divine energy.
In physical reality, I still sat, demurely in my cushioned seat,
comfortable and safe in that holy place.
My mind returned to the words being spoken —
words I hold sacred within my heart.
As the session proceeded and I was asked to repeat the words,
I received an immense personal witness
of the physical and spiritual reality of the Son of God…
and His sacrifice…
and for all of us.
I do not know all things.
But I know when I am touched in the heart by the Divine – the Holy One.
Tears streamed down my face – I began tapping on my heart –
barely able to speak the words I knew so well…
and for someone who seems to always have a plethora of words,
I found myself nearly speechless…
Oh dear one,
If you could but see the brilliant light that is the truth of you,
Self doubt would never be your foe.
And yet, you live in human form,
Experiencing depths of contrasting emotions…
along this journey your soul chose to take.Good and evil
Pleasure and pain
Sorrow and joy
and so much more…
As excruciating as is the pain,
so exquisite can be the joy.God’s wisdom was that for our souls to gain
the prize we seek while in this realm,
The veil was drawn across our minds,
and we are to walk in faith…
or fear, whichever is our choice.
Yet, we are not left alone and comfortless.
The Light of Christ is in us all,
and The Holy Spirit witnesses of God’s love.If God loves you and me so deeply as to send
His Only Begotten Son
to chart the path for our return,
Then how, dear soul, canst thou doubt thy own worth?Lifetimes are invested in the search for truth and wholeness.
Could the answer already be before us – and within us?
As we align with the Divine to our best ability…
We position our heart to be open,
able to commune with God.
I remember my sweet mother,
just days before she passed,
saying “I can’t figure out what I must do to be able to go.”
And the answer came intuitively:
“Perhaps how to die is not something we can figure out at all.
Maybe the secret of the how is found in simply letting go.”
Trust Divine Guidance
KNOW that you are loved beyond measure.
Continue to seek truth.
For in the truth, shall freedom be discovered.
My Sacred Gift of Writing
My Sacred Gift of Healing
After our Compassion Circle Sharing call last evening, I thought to put my body in a circle of light, and give it compassion for the weight, health and balance issues that have prevailed despite all my holistic energy healing work.This self-directed compassion is a process of self-love, self-forgiveness, and self healing.
It is a process of validating emotions for the purpose of acknowledging them as real, as important, and as part of our soul’s process of exploring what we want and what we don’t want to experience… thus helping us be free to make positive life choices.In my mind’s eye, I draw a golden circle of Divine Light.
I place my body in that circle.
So sorry you are so heavy.
So sorry no matter what you do, you cannot change your stars.
So sorry you are stuck carrying other people’s burdens.
So sorry other people can release weight through learning to love themselves, but you cannot.
So sorry you are stuck in a perpetual state of chronic adrenal stress, for ever and ever and ever and ever and always.
So sorry your parasympathetic nervous system is so shattered, and you can never heal.
So sorry the stress you carry is not a burden you can ever put down.
So sorry you can send other’s burdens to the light, but not your own.
So sorry you feel you have to save the world.
So sorry you contracted to be in servitude forever.
So sorry work and service have to be hard.
So sorry you don’t know how to serve from a space of joy and love.
So sorry your world cannot be light and easy.
So sorry it is so difficult to throw off generational burdens.
So sorry they carried heavy burdens, so it wouldn’t be fair if you lightened your own load.
So sorry those burdens are so heavy your legs can no longer hold you up.
So sorry you have to become disabled in order to be relieved of your burdens.
So sorry now you have become a burden to others.
So sorry for your sorrows.
so I leave my body in the circle of light…
Intermittently, I wake up and check the circle.
Yep, my body is still there.
I give more compassion each time I awake.
So sorry you are stuck there.
So sorry you will always be stuck.
A few more hours of sleep – it is still there in the circle.
So sorry there is nowhere to go.
So sorry there is only shadow in that circle.
So sorry a circle of light is so dark.
So sorry you think you have to be heavy to stay alive.
So sorry you think you must be heavy to survive.
So sorry you don’t see that heaviness is what is killing you.
So sorry you don’t see that burden is too heavy.
So sorry you can’t see that weightlessness would allow you to move more freely.
So sorry you can’t see that you have the power to change.
So sorry you don’t see that you can give yourself permission to release the lot of it.
So sorry you don’t see that you can release it and let it go while still in this physical body.
So sorry you can’t figure out how to let it go without dying.
So sorry your cells think they are protecting you from harm by chelating emotional toxins.
So sorry you are too afraid to see your truth.
So sorry you cannot just let it all go.
So sorry you cannot love yourself just the way you are.
I awake in the morning – yep… my body is still in the circle… but I am on my way to deep water aerobics, so I can’t stop and focus for a session. It will have to wait.
My swimsuit on, I’m in the pool.
In between the instructor’s guidance,
I check that circle of light.
My body is still there, but it is all crumpled up.
It looks like a pile of discarded clothing.
Blacks and browns and blues.
Shall I send it compassion now?
Okay… and I go my merry way,
able to perform full range of motion in the water,
moving there in ways I cannot do on dry land.
My lips have been chapped for weeks.
Ever since Mother passed away my lips have dried out, peeled off, become soft again, only to dry out again.
Sometimes my lips feel like a snake shedding it’s skin.
Yes, I use amazingly good lip stuff.
Yes, I stay well hydrated.
Water water everywhere, inside and out.
Still, I’m shedding my skin.
On my way home I check again.
Yep, my body is still in the circle of light,
all crumpled up like wadded up fabric…
Shall I do a compassion session now?
Once home, I dry my hair, eat breakfast, send my husband off to work, and sit at the computer.
I write my story of Clearing Deep Resentments, (4 hour project) totally losing track of time.
I love expressing myself through words.
Words have so many nuances.
I love that I can muscle test and know which words to use.
I love that when it’s the wrong word or phrase,
My intuition will lead me to the right ones.
Those I know who don’t love writing
think I am compelled to write by some evil magician or because of an odd pathological obsessive compulsive behavior.
But truth being – I write because I love to write.
I can express myself through the written word
in a way that satisfies my soul.
I write to process.
I write for healing.
I check my circle of light.
Is my body still a crumpled pile of clothing?
Do I see the crumpled pile?
Is my body still in the circle of light?
Is my body light in the circle of light?
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It is done, it is done, it is done.