Releasing Old Resentments
I experienced a “storm” of physical pain a few days ago…
I worked on clearing as much trapped emotional energy as I could, and awoke this morning knowing someone else I needed to forgive…for their actions of harshness and disrespect toward me about 11 years ago…
which caused me excessive emotional, financial and professional pain and distress…
This was someone I trusted by virtue of a position of church authority and their medical profession…
Someone who sought me out for my professional knowledge and skills,
Who would not allow his wife to provide the needed care for his father
who was suffering from severe dementia…
(urine soaked socks in the pantry, aggravated Sundowners syndrome, packing his belonging to leave every evening, wandering away and more…)
But this man (my client’s son) thought nothing of imposing it all upon me,
as if he was doing me a favor by allowing me to slave 24/7
and expecting cut rate pricing by virtue of our church association.
Long story short…
I “made it through that rain”…
It was an experience of compassion for the client,
and of setting boundaries with someone in “authority”
(even though I was scared)
Of standing up for myself and insisting on payment…
but I was left with a bitter taste in my mouth –
great disillusionment and loss of respect for this person,
who was so greatly revered in his church position.
This occurred so long ago I thought I had cleared it.
I haven’t thought of it in years, as both they and we have moved,
and this person is no longer in my local church community.
So I thought it was gone and forgotten…
Yet apparently, resentment remained stuck in my energy field.
And this morning,
my soul revealed it to me.
I must forgive.
I don’t want to forgive.
He hurt me.
He shouldn’t have done that.
He scared me.
He was in the wrong.
He disrespected me.
He treated me abominably.
He treated me like shit.
He respected and protected his wife’s sensibilities,
but did not respect me.
He did not value my professional skills.
He was horrible to me.
I no longer respect him.
Do I have to respect him?
Have I forgiven him?
Is there any reason why should I forgive him?
For your own healing.
But I don’t know how to do it.
When I think of him I get a taste of bitter gall in my throat.
I want to vomit.
Will I feel better if I forgive him and let go of the resentments?
Has this hidden, forgotten resentment been blocking my healing?
Can I let it go now?
I’m not sure how…
Do I let it go just like I let go of any other old blocked emotion?
Ok… here goes…
Thank you, thank you, thank you…
It is done, it is done, it is done.
I got up, dressed, walked to the car, drove to the gym, did an hour of water aerobics, came home safely without struggle..
and all without pain.
If forgiveness works this well…
I shall be searching my soul for more that needs to be forgiven.
Thank you for witnessing my blessing…
Next Day’s Morning Meditation:
Shards and Shrouds…
Releasing Old Resentments yesterday opened a floodgate for more. This morning, did some basic full body presence breathing and a body scan. There were a few gentle pressures – back of my neck and top of my shoulders, and my feet and calves – that needed underlying ancestral emotions released (1 generation back – my dear sweet mother)…
Easily released by identifying and releasing the underlying trapped emotion of ancestral confusion…. many instances….
There is something else…
I intuitively scanned with my golden energy sieve and pulled out some sharp energy shards.
Do I need to know what these are?
No. Just rejoice that they are gone.
Is it time to get up now?
Great – I get to relax more and breathe.
Is there more resentment buried inside me somewhere that needs to be released?
Is there an underlying reason for it?
Do I need to know more about it?
How do I release it? Like I release other trapped emotions?
Do I polish it away with Compassion?
Do I just reach in and pull it out of me?
And give it to God?
In my mind’s eye, I imagined reaching my left hand into my soul heart space, grabbing hold of the energy of resentment, and pulling out of me…
It came out as a diaphanous grayish orb …
about 10 inches in diameter…
I opened my hand and it sat there a while on my palm….
Then it changed, shifting into a life sized, human body shape of translucent energy –
I had pulled out a whole energy shroud…
as if the resentment had resided inside me as an cognizant being… a separate entity of its own….
And then it was gone.
Just a lightness of spirit.
Did it go to you, God?
Is there more?
May I receive more of your golden divine light now?
Breathing in the light.
Now… is it time to get up?
Thank you, thank you, thank you….
Dear Soul Friends…
For letting me share my meditations with you.