Enough

The concept that we create our own life,
and that life is a mirror,
has helped me recognize
what I am projecting into the world,
and be able to clear it up.

It’s all well and fine when I can blame
my stuff on the ancestors…
on their trapped emotions
and hidden pain bodies,
fat bodies,
fear bodies,
thought bodies….

And I must say,
that recognizing and releasing such things
is an integral part of unraveling
the web of distorted self perceptions and projections,
that have kept me stumbling around in the dark for decades.

Writing is both my gift and my therapy.
Vulnerability is raw and real
and sharing it garners
external emotional support.
And I thank you for allowing me to share my perceptions
and thought processes
along this seemingly never ending journey,
as I have needed that support and encouragement
so deeply, and sometimes desperately,
in my unwinding process.

Somehow I’m seen as a hero
to be able to recognize and to clear
all the STUFF as it comes up
out of my psyche,
out of my ancestral lines,
out of the quantum experience of past, present, and future.

But one of my deepest underlying fears
is that once I’ve let go of the ancestral blame game,
and released all they brought forth to clear,
that I would not know the truth of my own soul,
that I would not know the truth of who I AM…
without all the layers of collective burdens,
demonic pains, and knotted perceptions…
or that if I did recognize the true ME
when I come out from under it all…
that I would find myself lacking…
That I would not be enough.

Sages say that in order to heal
you must go back in time in your mind
to where the first dysfunctional belief began,
in order to unravel the threads of distorted thoughts,
and clear the twisted, false self-perceptions acquired
in response to someone else’s imperfections…

Back to before you became part of their winding story…
back to the beginning of who you once knew as you…
to feel the memory of the truth of you,
when you were whole.
And then,
forgive yourself for the story,
and write a new one.

Been there, done that – or so I think…
traveling to astral realms and back again
to pre-mortal and ancestral worlds of wonder and now here…
today…
right now…
in the current moment,
where I find my life improving,
but not yet perfectly appealing..
where life shows me yet another unpleasantry…
a reflection of rejection in my happy place mirror…
which surprised me and nearly dismayed me
as it came from someone with whom I had thought
I had developed a relationship of mutual respect.

And so it is time to reflect, and I know
There is nothing that needs forgiving, because
If life is a mirror, so the rejection I see
is just a reflection of rejection of my own self, to me…
a reflection of my fear of not being enough.

I have dodged that fear for so long.
But I have no regrets about my healing journey,
as it has prepared me for this next level of truth.
And I remember…
I remember the divine personal revelation received
during an all-night talk between myself and God…
(years before I found Soulprint Healing)…
a chakra meditation wherein I went back in time in my mind,
recognizing, validating and healing
childhood hurts, confusion, misconceptions and sorrows…
back to where I saw the very first me that I remember…
the me that was on her way into this world…

And my heart leaps, remembering the joy…
Because it was my turn!
My turn to come here and experience physical mortality!
And I KNEW who I was and I KNEW I could do it…
I KNEW the truth of me,
and I was enough.
And I still am.
Peel away all the disillusions and distortions…
The memories and the fears,
The successes and the failures…
And I am enough.

I am just as I was always was,
and just as I was meant to be.
I am enough.
I AM LOVE.