Review of my website dashboard revealed this post from a couple years ago… I wrote it, but held too much fear and pain in my heart to publish it at that time. I’ve grown since then… but it still may have value to those working through similar processes. Sending love and blessings for your journey…
Scarcity and Abundance – Patterns of Perception and Response
Growing up in a family with a predominate viewpoint of scarcity was certainly a challenge – but also a blessing. My family taught me how to work – how to be industrious and creative in solving problems of daily life. But looking over my mother’s shoulder as she struggled to pay the monthly bills also taught me that money was something always in short supply. I determined early on that if I wanted to have anything in this world, I would need to work for it – and I did so with great strength, courage and enthusiasm. I held the certainty and hope that hard work would bring me things I wanted to have and a certain amount of worldly riches, or at least enough resources for basic support and comfort.
Growing up in a family with a religious heritage was also a challenge – and a blessing. I seemed to come into this world with my own strong sense of the worth of souls and the value of service to others. The religious training I received from being raised as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has supported my deep sense of spirituality and added depth and richness to all of my life experiences.
But there were also inner conflicts aplenty, which seem to have originated from habitual family patterns of reacting to life challenges from a perspective of fear and scarcity rather than responding from a space of love and abundance.
Therein lies my quest – to honor and appreciate the goodness of my family heritage and to release and let go of old patterns and perceptions that have kept me stuck for years in scarcity and pain.
I cannot tell the whole story of my journey to a life of generosity and abundance in one blog post. But I can share one small episode as an example.
Recently, I became aware that someone I cared about was resentful of us. It appeared that he had the impression that we were “rolling in the dough”, but wouldn’t help him in his financial trials. He had no clue that we were going through the same economic storm as everyone else we knew – and not faring very well.
When I learned of his opinion, I was triggered. My anger flared dramatically. I was immediately offended that he set himself up to judge us as unworthy of affluence. He had no true knowledge of our efforts to grow and expand beyond who we were and try to become “successful”, only to see it all wiped away during the economic downturn, and have to start all over again.
My husband saw how the conversation triggered me. He touched my arm lovingly, and whispered in my ear that the conversation was not meant to hurt either of us, but just to be an opening for improved communication. I grew silent and kept the rest of my thoughts to myself as I realized that the real problem was my emotional flare – something in me was definitely triggered by this conversation.
My thought process:
What is the real reason for this person’s resentment?
Have I actually caused him any harm? No.
It appears that our offense was to work hard to try to overcome scarcity mentality.
We were successful for a while, then seemingly, not.
All our hard work did not “pay off” and bring us “riches” as we had been taught as children that it would…
At least, not for the the long term.
But even then, why would this person be angry if we did achieve “success”?
Isn’t that what we all were encouraged to work toward?
And even deeper than that, why did his opinion even matter?
Why was I triggered emotionally?
Trying to make sense of what was going on inside my own psyche, I turned to The Body Code app and began using my muscle testing skills to discover some deeper answers.
“Is there an underlying reason for this flare of anger?
The Body Code led me to Energies > Post Traumatic > Inflammation
Underlying the inflammation energy were twin causes, 1) an addictive heart energy and 2) an energy of parasitic pathogens.
My intuition kicked in, and I muscle tested further, verifying the thoughts and memories that flooded into my consciousness.
The inflammation and parasitic energy were intertwined, and related to the perception of never-ending scarcity.
My scarcity beliefs began with an addictive heart energy inherited from my mother before I was born. Mother evidently experienced some kind of deprivation and fear while she was carrying me, and that energy was passed on to me at my birth. This distorted belief was then proven “true” by early childhood experiences (ask me some time about “Life Savers vs Tootsie Rolls”), and later childhood experiences of never enough money and not being deserving of receiving or spending money. I also discovered a deeper and darker sub-conscious belief that my very existence was not a blessing to my parents, but instead, that I was perceived as a burden, physically and financially. I believed myself to be a financial parasite to my parents – an “unprofitable servant” so to speak. Hence, my addictive heart energy of feeling desperate for love, my willingness to do anything anyone asked of me even if it was harmful to me, and the underlying belief of being undeserving and worthless. Oh, how I groan as I see how these negative patterns have played out in my life!
Even while I have been successful in many things, these and other inner conflicts have held me back from becoming all I can be. Sigh…
Let me be clear about one thing.
My parents never consciously intended for me to be hurt, or to cause any inner conflicts. I think they wanted me to be rich and happy, and while they taught me how to work, they didn’t truly believe I could ever really achieve anything substantial because I am a girl, and therefore in their world view, incapable of success or wealth building. I think they thought that for me to ever be rich, I would have to “marry money”.
Subsequently, I grew up with a self sabotaging psyche. I worked hard. I tried to work smart. I created a certain level of financial and business success, but not knowing how to manage during the economic meltdown, self-sabotaged myself right out of the abundance I had created. It was a nightmare to actually experience that self-fulfilling prophecy of scarcity.
Is there a real way out of this quandary of inner conflicts, self-defeating behaviors, and feeling like an unwanted vagabond on the face of the earth?
Yes, of course there is.
Everything begins with energy…
The energy of spirit…
The energy of thought…
The energy of emotion…
The energy of response…
The energy of choice…
The energy of action…
The energy of manifestation….
There is much more to share…
“Come along with me, the best is yet to be.”….
“We don’t live in the Garden of Eden. It’s a mess down here on earth. I believe God wants us to get busy and do what we can to make the world better. God wants us to not be commanded in all things and to use our capacities to make a difference. I believe God blesses us with inspiration and capacity to make a difference, but we have to do the work first. We have to truly desire to do good and use the capacities we have. We have to be willing to stick our necks out, in any meaningful effort to create or affect something. This is faith. Your desire, your effort makes you more able to receive inspiration or insight into how a problem might be solved or to feel what direction might be best. But I don’t think it’s all predetermined and we should therefore wait for the ‘correct’ answers. I believe God is in a relationship with us and will offer things to us as we demonstrate the desire to create a better world—When we are truly seeking, as manifested through our behavior.” – Dr. Finlayson-Fife
A beloved friend recently reached out in anguish,
seeking reassurance during a time of self-doubt,
a struggle she has faced since childhood trauma reared its ugly head.
I was slow in answering, because I was away from my desk,
and not immediately available.
When I eventually responded, others had already reached out to comfort her,
but when she saw my post, she reacted with the words –
“Oh – you DO care!”
Yes, dear one, I do care.
My heart overflows with exquisite compassion
that seems to come from somewhere else, beyond my own human smallness.
My husband and I were at the temple that morning,
and my state of being is feeling quite tender remembering it,
for I received such a powerful spiritual witness of The SON at the veil.
During the service, I imagined myself standing before God,
emptying my soul of everything I had been hanging onto…
like a little child would empty his pockets of all his treasures…
turning them inside out as he revealed
the bits and pieces of dusty stuff,
sticks and stones, marbles and string,
wadded up papers and scraggly bits of ribbon…
things he had picked up along his path,
or gotten from others in his meanderings…
pulling it all out, holding it tightly in his fists for a moment,
then laying it all out upon the bench before his father…
hair all mussed up,
smudges of dirt on his face…
with nothing left to give…
And then in my imagination, the bench became an altar,
and the great hand of God reached down and swept it all away,
scattering my once-treasured trash across the room and off into oblivion!
All those little things I had been holding onto were gone.
I had nothing left to give or to do.
Nothing left to hold onto.
I simply stood there, pockets and hands empty, standing alone before the altar of God.
Whereupon – God reached out his arms,
gesturing for me to climb up onto the altar.
So I climbed up to the cushion on top,
and curled up like a little child asleep.
And then, in my mind’s eye,
the great hands of God encircled the altar,
flowing Divine creative energy completely through me,
cradling me, cleansing me with an immense flow of Divine energy.
In physical reality, I still sat, demurely in my cushioned seat,
comfortable and safe in that holy place.
My mind returned to the words being spoken —
words I hold sacred within my heart.
As the session proceeded and I was asked to repeat the words,
I received an immense personal witness
of the physical and spiritual reality of the Son of God…
and His sacrifice…
and for all of us.
I do not know all things.
But I know when I am touched in the heart by the Divine – the Holy One.
Tears streamed down my face – I began tapping on my heart –
barely able to speak the words I knew so well…
and for someone who seems to always have a plethora of words,
I found myself nearly speechless…
Oh dear one,
If you could but see the brilliant light that is the truth of you,
Self doubt would never be your foe.
And yet, you live in human form,
Experiencing depths of contrasting emotions…
along this journey your soul chose to take.Good and evil
Pleasure and pain
Sorrow and joy
and so much more…
As excruciating as is the pain,
so exquisite can be the joy.God’s wisdom was that for our souls to gain
the prize we seek while in this realm,
The veil was drawn across our minds,
and we are to walk in faith…
or fear, whichever is our choice.
Yet, we are not left alone and comfortless.
The Light of Christ is in us all,
and The Holy Spirit witnesses of God’s love.If God loves you and me so deeply as to send
His Only Begotten Son
to chart the path for our return,
Then how, dear soul, canst thou doubt thy own worth?Lifetimes are invested in the search for truth and wholeness.
Could the answer already be before us – and within us?
As we align with the Divine to our best ability…
We position our heart to be open,
able to commune with God.
I remember my sweet mother,
just days before she passed,
saying “I can’t figure out what I must do to be able to go.”
And the answer came intuitively:
“Perhaps how to die is not something we can figure out at all.
Maybe the secret of the how is found in simply letting go.”
Trust Divine Guidance
KNOW that you are loved beyond measure.
Continue to seek truth.
For in the truth, shall freedom be discovered.
I am so sorry you are so human.
I am so sorry you get so caught up in the effort to control.
I am so sorry no one can do it as good as you do it.
I am so sorry you were not the only one inspired.
I am so sorry for the fear factor.
I am so sorry that smallness of mind can block the light.
I am so sorry that they were inspired too.
I am so sorry that for your creation to live and grow, you must let it go and let it flow.
All of us learn from one another. We “make things our own”, as an expression of what works for us in our own lives. I have adjusted recipes to suit my tastes. I have changed sewing patterns to add or remove features of clothing I sew, or crafts I have made. I have learned from famous writers and written my own not-so-famous pieces. In the garden, we plant seeds from plants that other people have tended and shared. We play music composed by others, and it comes out differently each time. The examples are endless.
We learn a skill, then adapt it. Should I have to certify in every holistic modality I ever read about? Impossible! Should that preclude me from using tapping or extending compassion to help someone who, in the moment, would benefit from that exercise and is asking for my help? No. We take the good from what we have learned, and expand upon it, adding our own unique flavor, and then share it again.
Where do “certifications” come from? Energy healing modalities and certifications may or may not be Divinely inspired, but they are man made. Methodologies can be structured for learning purposes, but energy, once freed, simply flows. I have studied many methods, read many books, and choose to certify in those to which I feel guided by the Spirit (and/or I am able to afford).
My goal is to align with the Divine as much as I am able, and follow the Light of the Spirit within. My goal is to experience the joy of inspired creativity.
Universally inspired expressions of love, compassion, kindness, empathy and freedom of thought and expression can never be patented or trademarked – just shared. An intuitive person easily recognizes the truth and power of compassion, and it will naturally flow from them when the need arises.
In the past, when I looked to others for validation as to whether or not I was good enough to be loved, accepted, and included, I found that I had to limit the expression of my gifts in order to “fit in”.
Sometimes we see an expression of a gift in someone else, and because of our own limitations – our fears – our own small mind – our own inadequacies – our unfamiliarity with what we see – we want to diminish or control or limit it.
Recently, an associate told me it was not possible for me to be intuitively present and focused on the needs of the person I was helping, to hold the energetic space for them, counsel them, coach them, and to use my gift of writing at the same time – saying something to the effect that only an ascended master could do it, but not me.
The old small-minded me would have been all upset at the criticism, and would have believed and reacted fearfully to those words. The present me just acknowledges the feedback and responds with the neutrality of introspective evaluation for the purpose of self-correction. The present me knows that the gifts and skills I have been given are magnified by the Spirit in the moment they are needed to help and serve others. The gifts of the Spirit are universal, and as I expand my understanding, skills and abilities, I am blessed to feel the joy of creative expression when they flow through me.
I have found that The Spirit of God within us empowers us far beyond what our small-mind, distorted perceptions of ego, negative habits, or self-defeating belief systems would normally allow.
Listening to the Spirit enlarges our capacities to serve and help others. Listening to the Spirit expands our souls and frees our light to shine in unexpected ways – whether for great and grand purposes – or equally as important – for the small, seemingly inconsequential moments that make all the difference to the One.
Let us love and honor one another.
Let the Holy Spirit guide and expand the light of our souls.
The Write Place at the Right Time
A Notebook, a Pen and an Ant
Yesterday my soul-friend Jeanie and I had a big conversation about what she does,
and what I do, and how we can help each other in our side gigs.
But either way, we will still love each other as amazing friends.
Jeanie is a life coach, and yes, really amazing. For real.
She calls it like she sees it. No B.S.
So yesterday she took me through a meditation called TURPA.
I’ll let her tell you about it sometime, if she wants to.
Anyway, the meditation helped me imaginatively put my past in the past, put roots beneath my feet, placed sentinel angels to support me on both sides, and now new growth is forming in front of me.
It was amazing.
But then, Jeanie is like that.
This morning on FB Messenger Jeanie sent me a link to a song. She was dancing around her kitchen singing and wanted to share.
“My Soul is Welcome Here”… https://youtu.be/l0lvm9MtblE
Me: “Somehow you knew I needed this.”
Jeanie: “Isn’t that great?”
I turned it up and listened over and over again while I cleared out old emails. It made me feel peppy.
For a while. Until it eventually it didn’t. Suddenly it was all too loud.
I turned off the music and hopped back over to Messenger.
Jeanie was still there.
About my schedule for the next weeks. Stuff I promised to do, but blah blah blah.
There can be such a thing as too much focus on healing stuff.
I just want to get on with living life again, being creative and feeling free.”
“Ah yes, Grasshopper,” says Jeanie.
“Think about what you just said. I agree that we can get so wrapped up in all these healing modalities that we forget to live our own lives. Go back and read what you just said about get on with living life again, being creative and feeling free. And ask yourself, ‘If not now, when?”
Me: “Now. But WHAT? One trainer says to choose an expression – like if you want to create something, think first about what you want other to feel when they see your creation.”
Jeanie: “I disagree. That is creating with an eye to the audience. Not authentic. We are not in charge of what other people feel when they see what we have done. I sincerely think that is a cop out. The only thing that is important is how we feel.”
Me: “But if we only focus on what WE feel – then are our efforts wasted because we do not touch other’s hearts? Life is to be shared.”
Jeanie: “We are not in charge if somebody else feels touched. When we are in touch with our own feelings, then and only then do we have something to share.”
Me: “What if the feeling is… confusion… frozen… deer in the headlights? That is not free and joyful.”
Jeanie: “There is a guy who has written a book about breaking free from the self-help addiction. At first, it sounds really good, but when you look deeper, he has a whole series of videos and workshops and books all about… yep, you guessed it… Self Help.”
Jeanie: “Your feelings of confusion, frozen deer in the headlights, etc. come from when you are trying to project something onto somebody else. That’s inauthentic.”
“Just stop and ask yourself honestly, ‘How does this make me feel?’ and if it makes you feel good, do more of that. If it makes you feel afraid, stuck, frozen, unsure, then don’t’ do it. Honestly, I am to the point when I consider doing something, I check in with myself and if I do not get a resounding ‘hell yes’ then I don’t’ do it. It never fails.”
Me: “I wonder if Ii have lost the ability to get a hell yes.”
Jeanie: “You have just gotten out of the habit. For some reason, you have not allowed yourself that privilege recently. And that comes with thinking you must create with an eye to the audience, such as what’s in Vogue right now? What are people buying? What will people think?”
Me: ”True. I shut myself down in the last few years with all the economic changes we’ve been through.
I used to value myself only on what other people think of me. Maybe I am still doing that.”
Jeanie: “I’m picking up that this latest healing thing you are doing is not bringing you a lot of joy. I don’t sense any freedom coming from this.”
Me: “It felt wonderfully comforting at first. I needed it. It has helped immensely with my personal connection to Source.”
Jeanie: “Pay attention. Those statements are all related to the past.”
Me: “Yes. But who am I NOW?”
Jeanie: “OMG… seriously do I have to come up there and beat your skinny butt?”
Me: “Hahaha. I sure love you.”
Jeanie: “You are an amazing creative being. But don’t take my word for it… you know it’s true.”
Me: “But what in Heaven’s name am I to be creating now? The old stuff doesn’t work. My businesses closed. Our real estate crashed. Trying to sell anything to anybody is not my forte’.”
Jeanie: “It’s not about trying to sell something. It’s becoming seriously magnetic to others who need your help.”
Me:“Ok. Lovely ego of mine – old habits die hard. I’m needing a change of focus and just don’t know which way to turn.”
Jeanie: “Do you remember I asked you to keep an Evidence Journal? I really believe that this overwhelm around continual study around healing is evidence of the shift you’ve already made. It’s what I call ‘proof of land’. After the flood, Noah sent out a couple of ravens and they never came back. Then he sent out a dove which came back with an olive branch in its mouth. Noah couldn’t see land, but he knew it was proof of land.”
“Your realization today is proof of land. The old ways of being no longer work, including the self-sabotaging hateful voice that tries to keep sitting you in a corner. I’m serious Jo Lyn. What brings you the greatest amount of joy? Writing? Being outside? Singing?”
Jeanie: “I knew it. So now you have permission to write.
Me: “When I was a young mother, I would wake up with whole novels in my head – characters, plot, setting, the works. But I didn’t have time to write them down. Now, that doesn’t happen any more.”
Jeanie: “Okay. My sweet man will be home for lunch in 3 minutes. Here’s your quick assignment.”
“Take three objects out of your house and sit them in front of you and write a quick story around them. They can be anything… a box of raisins, and old mug, a plant… doesn’t matter. Send me a picture of the objects and the short story you write about it. It’s called a story generator. Ready Set Go! …And have fun doing it!”
A Story Generator
Raisins. Mug. Plant.
I looked around. What is in my house? I imagine going into my kitchen. I don’t spend much time there anymore. What do I do? What is in my house that is meaningful to me, that could inspire a story?
I see my computer keyboard. My cell phone. The computer mouse. A pen.
An ant crawling along the edge of the scraggly old spiral notebook I’ve been scribbling in.
One of these things is not like the others.
The ant doesn’t belong here.
Raisins. Mug. Plant.
My mind starts to whirr….
Then comes to a stop.
Dear Heavenly Father.
Please help me do this ONE thing.
Help me do this ONE thing…
That I can do… just for me…
…in the next hour.
The thought flashed through my mind that I never take time to really listen to my own heart.
I’m focused on all this healing stuff, with webinars and social media and email.
I’ve created busyness in place of business.
It’s all a lot of noise.
A lot of buzz.
I’m alone in this house most of the day until my own sweetheart comes home…
but I don’t give myself the luxury of doing the one thing I enjoy doing.
I don’t give myself permission to write, just for me, just for fun.
I’m still trying to obey that misconceived directive from childhood, that I am not allowed to play until the work is done. My father used to say I couldn’t play until the work was done.
It took me years to realize that to him, work had to be hard to be valuable, and that work is never done.
So in my poor little pea-picking brain, I believe that I am not allowed to do what I enjoy.
Jeanie just gave me permission.
And she doesn’t take no for an answer.
I clicked the X to close the internet browser.
Suddenly there was silence.
Silence so thick that it throbbed.
I looked down at the mess on my desk…
the spiral notebook and pen…
a tiny black ant crawled along it’s edge.
The ant was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Too insignificant to survive in this environment.
He was trying really hard to walk the edge in a world that was not designed for him.
Trying to fit in with the paper and pen.
So sorry you are not the right place at the right time.
So sorry you don’t know who you really are.
So sorry you don’t know that you have permission now to know yourself, and to be free.
So sorry the stories no longer come easily…
But really, you are.
You are in the write place…
At the right time.
Thank you, Jeanie!!
I awaken, thoughts of my loved ones going through my mind.
I muscle test for which of them I should pray and meditate.
This morning – the meditation is for my husband.
In my mind’s eye, I place him in a Circle of Divine Light.
I am directed to give myself compassion for things that have come up for him, that seem to be holding him back, and which affect both of us.
I muscle test each phrase for truth, seeking the right words to describe the right energies to be shifted and cleared.
I address the phrases as if from my higher self to my current self…
I am so sorry your husband does not have the opportunity to fully serve to his capacity at work.
I am so sorry he is stuck in a limited role.
I am so sorry they don’t realize his value to contribute.
I am so sorry he gets frustrated that they don’t value his contribution.
I am so sorry they devalue his ability to contribute meaningfully because he is older than they.
I am so sorry they see age as a handicap.
I am so sorry they don’t see his work experience and capabilities as the great resource it truly is.
I am so sorry his opportunities are limited.
Is there another perspective to explore?
Self-directed compassion continued, this time for our son.
I am so sorry your son doesn’t make enough money to pay for his own apartment.
I am so sorry he makes too much money to qualify for the low income apartment.
I am so sorry he will have no place to live unless some doors open up for him.
I am so sorry it is all your responsibility.
I am so sorry you need a miracle for him.
I am so sorry you need a miracle right now for him.
I am so sorry you will always have to help your son.
I am so sorry he was born with a so many limitations.
I am so sorry his disability is all your fault.
I am so sorry you will always be stressed regarding his well-being.
I am so sorry for your sorrows…
I am so sorry you internalize your sorrows.
I am so sorry your internalized stress becomes physical pain.
I am so sorry you are not able to consciously transform your physical well being into good health, strength and balance.
I am so sorry that stress and poor health affect your financial well being.
I am so sorry that no matter what you do, you cannot succeed.
I am so sorry that no matter what healing method you apply, it will not work.
I am so sorry that you must live in poverty all the days of your life.
I must live in poverty all the days of my life?
Wait – I have a soul contract to live in poverty all the days of my life?
A series of past life events flash through my mind.
So many distorted perceptions…
Affecting everything I did and all those whom I love…
Did I inherit that soul contract?
Did I think that I had to be poor to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven?…
That I had to be poor to be loved by God?
God loves you from infinity, to infinity, and beyond.
Do I need to know more about this soul contract?
You have come full circle in your journey.
You are ready to move on.
Spirit guided me through the correct process to end this self-limiting soul contract.
I rested in the energy of realization and release for long moments…
Then came a Q & A session with Spirit…
There is such a thing as shared karma.
Did that soul contract of poverty affect my husband’s career?
Did that soul contract affect my husband’s ability to provide for our family?
So… no matter how hard we tried, and how hard we worked, it was all for nothing, because of that soul contract of poverty?
No? It was not for nothing?
Correct. With every project, you learned.
With every effort, you grew stronger.
With every accomplishment, you succeeded.
With every act of service, you shared love.
Yes, but we could never seem to hold onto what we created…
It is my fault that we lost our beautiful property?
Yes, the soul contract affected that outcome.
Despite all your giving, you were not able to receive.
Yet, the soul contract gave you something to strive for.
Your challenges gave you a reason to seek God.
And in all your trials, you have always been watched over and cared for.
Yes, I see. We were afraid, but we never lacked for food and shelter and … love.
So… were we meant to move on from there?
We were meant to come here… to care for Mother…
To experience all of this clutter clearing, downsizing, resting and healing and growing and connecting time?
Life is continually changing… as we grow?
Yes, to live a full clear life is to allow the flow.
Can I make a new soul contract?
One of my own conscious choosing?
Spirit guided me to create a new soul contract.
Sacred to me… with just the right words…
Hopeful, joyful, generous, empowering words.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I will rest in this new, more joyful energy for a time,
feel into this new, more expansive soul contract,
and allow my world to shift and flow.
It is done, it is done, it is done.
The Deep Waters of Grief
Each stage is a season, bringing both a blessing and a shadow.
How you fare through the transition is a matter of perspective and choice.
And of course, it helps to reach out to compassionate hearts
and kind hands to help you on your way.
A merciful temporary shield of protection.
An insulating numbness,
protecting your psyche from the magnitude of what just happened,
Denial mercifully allows you retain the strength needed to step up
and do what needs to be done in this, your most immediate hour of need.
Denial can be so deceptively comforting you may be tempted to stay here forever.
Don’t stay cocooned here too long, or you’ll miss out on the rest of your life.
A catalyzing, actionable energy.
Anger brings with it the ability to effect powerful change in split-seconds.
Misdirected through ignorance, blame or imperfect perception,
Anger can damage and destroy a sensitive, fragile new beginning,
plunging all back into depths of despair.
An opportunity for introspection.
Bargaining allows you to look at all the angles of your tragedy,
and realize the magnitude of the part you played in each scene.
Such conscious awareness can enlighten the soul for the highest and best good.
Endless examination of what went right and what went wrong,
and all the “coulda’s, woulda’s, and shoulda’s”
that may or may not have been done differently
can imprison you, powerlessly, in the past.
Stabbed and wounded,
Depression becomes your respectable retreat, your safe space,
where you are allowed to process this epic truth –
Your Life, as you knew it, will never be the same.
Do not fear the pain.
Even embrace it.
Fully feel the twisting blade of despair,
And share your anguish with a trusted, nonjudgmental soul.
Only then, when the magnitude of your loss is fully validated,
will the sharpness soften and the tide recede and you discover
there is rest and renewal to be found in these quiet depths.
Excessive indulgence in Depression can become endlessly disabling.
Do not succumb to the temptation to wield Depression
as a weapon of self-pity against your present and your future,
for left unchecked, it will steal your ability to love,
and that, my dear, would be the greatest tragedy of all.
Oh blessed is the day when you awaken from sorrow and hear a song of joy again!
Acceptance peeps slowly, gently, up through the receding pain,
Just tiny moments of awareness seeking sunlight through snow frozen field.
You still breathe the breath of life.
And alive, enlightened by the lessons, you can choose to walk more meaningfully.
Defeat is the shadow side of Acceptance.
Giving up is the sin.
The true sorrow is if you let the pain dim the light of your soul
and the world loses you… and your purpose… and your natural expression of joy.
Yes, you were horribly hurt.
Yes, you felt powerless in your pain.
Yes, it happened to you.
But you are not alone.
You did not drown.
In avoiding the shadows and embracing the blessings contained in this prose,
you can climb into the ship of compassion
to safely cross the seas of change.
Wholeness…. the goal is authentic wholeness.
This morning I realized I had been focusing my healing statements around getting rid of what I don’t want… identifying negative trapped emotions, and using the healing processes to let them go.
I have lived so many years in various patterns of struggle that I needed a multi-faceted healing process.
I have used The Emotion Code, The Body Code, Energy Medicine, Craniosacral Therapy, Quantum Touch, Theta Healing and my own SoulTalk to release many millions of trapped ancestral emotions, traumas, offensive energies and the resonances of diseases.
All this has helped me and my family (and some clients) exponentially.
The goal is to release these old energies and be able to be free – to feel myself whole in body, mind and soul.
Results show in my increased ability to handle every day life without being emotionally triggered…
by responding rather than reacting.
I am much happier and healthier, it is true,
but I reached an impasse’….characterized by a feeling of numbness…
blandness… nothingness… almost emptiness.
Who am I now, that all the stress and crisis is gone?
How do I proceed in my life, when the old motivations of fear and scarcity no longer fuel my choices and my actions?
Wholeness, to me, includes feeling on purpose – KNOWING that I am in the right place, at the right time of my life, doing the right things….
Wholeness includes knowing how and where I am meant to contribute to my family…
my community… my world.
Authentic Wholeness, to me, includes being in purpose and on purpose.
Thankfully, as I seek to align with the Divine Creator in all Truth, I am led in my search for growth.
At this time, I am experiencing the Compassion Key Soul Created Wealth program,
mentored by Edward Mannix, accompanied by many soul friends on a similar path.
At different places in our respective journeys, pure compassion brings us together.
I heard Edward’s message differently on this last Soul Created Wealth and Planetary Healing call.
The Compassion Key training is uniquely different from the other healing modalities I have studied.
He said to decide what I want, format it into an “I deserve” phrase, intuitively test the truth of my phrase,
and give myself compassion for not yet having what I want.
Then spend 20 minutes every day on self directed compassion regarding this, and see where it takes me.
Today, I applied the approach of giving myself compassion for what I want, but do not now have.
What do I want, when my purpose is not clear?
What do I want?
I want to be whole.
I want to feel free.
I want my body to be healed and functional,
so I no longer have to look for the handicap parking spaces
and plan how to get from my car to the store where I can hold onto a cart.
Jesus said to a cripple, “Take up thy bed and walk.” And the man walked. I do not doubt this.
Miracles do happen. Some manifest quickly, others take time.
My health and strength are improved from just 6 months ago…
Yet I still struggle.
I would like to let go of the struggle and function on purpose in joy and ease.
I’m sure the scarcity mindset has limited my health, wealth and relationships in many ways.
“So sorry you are still in struggle.
So sorry for the years of scarcity.
So sorry you inherited so much energetic trauma.
So sorry they taught you that you must struggle all your life.
So sorry they said life was not worth living unless you lived hard.
So sorry the world beat you up.
So sorry the world proved them right.
So sorry you lost it all….
So sorry you were not tough enough.
So sorry the negativity affected your physical health.
So sorry you were stuck for so long.”
I deserve better. I deserve to be slim, energetic, strong and powerful.
“I’m so sorry you are not yet slim, energetic, strong and powerful.
When was I ever slim, energetic, strong and powerful?
In meditation, I got a visual of myself at age 8, running with joyful abandon
around the play yard at our family home….
running and playing with friends, sure footed, so confident in my body…
so confident in having a great time using our imaginations in play…
and I began to feel it…
I remembered what it felt like to being whole and free in my body.
Another visual opened up – this time on the playground at school, in imaginative play,
our group of girls were wild horses running free, and the boys were cowboys
come to bring us to the corral by the twirly bars.
Running, running, running…
Chasing and being chased…
love the running, running, running….
They “caught” the others, who were now happily twirling on the twirly bars…
Not me… I was still free…
Running, running, running….
Powerful energy surged within me and I was uncatchable…
“Hey recess is almost over!
We have to catch this last wild horse and go back in!”…
So I allowed myself to be caught….
but not easily…
they grabbed my arms,
and still I bucked and pulled,
challenging the cowboys’ abilities….
“This one is really wild!” they yelled at each other…
all of them coming to help catch the last wild horse…
Suddenly the school bell rang and the game was over…
We all ran to line up at the school door….
Huffing and puffing,
Exhilarated by the exercise…
Filing in for a drink of water and then to our classroom desks…
Settling down to my schoolwork,
completely whole and on purpose with who I was in the current moment.
They say that in Quantum Physics, reality is malleable, that what we choose now can change the past.
They say in Theta Healing that unless a person can know what it feels like
to do or be something, they cannot create it in physical reality.
Today, I remembered what it felt like to be whole and free.
I choose now to bring that feeling from my past to my present…
Slim, energetic, strong, powerful and whole,
Body, mind and spirit.
I am whole.
I am me.
I am free.
Soul Created Wealth and Planetary Healing
Fascinated by the power of pure compassion in the process of healing from the inside out, I enrolled in the certification courses to become a Compassion Key practitioner over the course of the next year… or two. Just the fact that I enrolled speaks volumes to the effectiveness of this work. I attended a bonus call for the “Soul Created Wealth and Planetary Healing” Compassion Key program, listening and taking notes for over 3 1/2 hours.
The call was awesome. Epic, even.
Regardless of my commitment, however, about half way through I found myself wanting to bail…wishing the call was over.
Yet I knew intuitively that I needed to focus fully on what was happening for each person receiving a one-on-one facilitation with our instructor, Edward Mannix.
So why was I wanting to bail out? To run away?
The answer: my subconscious was trying to keep me “safe” in my status quo.
My ego feared the shift that would surely come by releasing more of the emotional blocks and karmic residue that has kept me stuck in so many ways.
Courage inspired by intuition won out… I made myself sit still and keep typing… which kept me listening and engaged in the content.
Thus, the inner shift of those who volunteered for one-on-one facilitation became MY shift… and MY blessing.
Each facilitation was different, as each person’s needs differed. The facilitator listened, gently exploring the issue at hand to get a sense of the underlying causation, then led the participant in applying compassion statements intuitively. Beautiful work!
I am continually amazed that the simple process of listening and facilitating self-directed compassion can be the catalyst to bring up so much emotional baggage that is ready to be cleared. To me, the process of assisting someone to receive self-directed compassion is like sharing the pure love of Christ.
A little back story:
My father was a brilliant man, but also a great skeptic who suffered from inherited and experiential scarcity. He taught me early on in life to separate the physical from the emotional, so I sometimes have trouble integrating my inner generous world of spirit, thought and emotion with my outer world – struggling to achieve balance the areas of physical health and financial well being.
On this Compassion Key call, it was interesting to me to realize that immediate profound physical shifts can occur simultaneously with emotional release and spiritual cleansing. The group facilitation and planetary healing session at the end was especially intuitive and powerful – which is what I believe my spirit wanted to participate in.
I am glad I “stuck it out”.
I awoke this morning about 5 am with a curious sense of lightness… a new level of well being… from the inside out. This new feeling is like I’m breathing from every cell in my body – very airy, light and happy. I enjoyed it for an hour… then fell back to sleep. Upon awakening, I noticed a fear that the new feeling won’t last… that I’ll go back to being my old struggling heavy self.
It’s time to apply some self-directed compassion, to clear more of the karma obscuring the lens of my soul’s projection into this mortal existence.
Clearing my own experiential and inherited ancestral problematic issues in this manner frees us all from distorted perceptions,
and help us more fully align with the Divine.
“I’m so sorry you believe the miracle won’t last.
I’m so sorry miracles are only temporary.
I’m so sorry miracles tease you and then fly away.
I’m so sorry you don’t deserve real change.
I’m so sorry you are meant to be stuck in perpetual struggle.
I’m so sorry change is only allowed to happen in your imagination.
I’m so sorry you aren’t allowed to change your physical state of being.
I’m so sorry you are required to carry the heaviness for all eternity.
I’m so sorry your life contract requires you to struggle forever.
I’m so sorry your’e not allowed to rewrite the contract.
I’m so sorry they taught you that money only comes through struggle.
I’m so sorry you have to carry the suffering of your ancestors forever.
I’m so sorry there is never an end to struggle and suffering.
I’m so sorry you didn’t know that some people just spin a few plates and money flows in, sufficient for their needs, and even more than they need… enough to share with others.
I’m so sorry you can’t bridge the gap from having to work hard for money to spinning plates that simply serve up money.
I’m so sorry that gap is an uncross-able chasm.
I’m so sorry there is only a little money on your side of the gap.
I’m sorry the infinite piles of money are inaccessible on the other side of the chasm.
I’m so sorry you have all the materials and tools you need to build a strong, beautiful bridge to the other side of the gap, but you can’t seem to put it together.
I’m so sorry you think you would have to build that bridge all by yourself.
I’m so sorry it seems easier to scramble down the cliff to the bottom and try to climb up the impossible cliff on the other side.
I’m sorry they told you it is necessary for you to get hurt and broken and stuck in the bottom of the chasm because that is what they did.
I’m so sorry you are not allowed to exceed their level of growth and success. I am so sorry for thier sorrows.
I am so grateful that more light is beginning to flow.
I am so happy that the lens of your soul’s projection into this world is becoming more clear.
I’m so happy that more light of your soul is projecting into form.
I am so happy that the real you feels light, airy, and joyful.
I am so happy you stayed on that very long call last night so you could receive the blessing.”
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
“In every culture and in every medical tradition before ours, healing was accomplished by moving energy.” ~ Albert Szent-Györgyi, Nobel Prize for Medicine Recipient
After attending another Compassion Key session led by Edward Mannix,
I dreamed compassion statements all night long,
becoming consciously aware of this as I began to awake in the early morning hours.
Most of the statements repeated in my mind were things like:
“I’m so sorry they didn’t teach you the truth about money.
I’m so sorry they said you’d never be rich.
I’m so sorry they said you couldn’t manage money.
I’m so sorry you can never be rich.”
I’ve done much energy work and holistic healing regarding old misconceptions and trapped emotions.
I know the truth – that my soul value is infinite and this world is only transitory…
so none of these phrases triggered any emotional hurt.
Rather, they felt strangely comforting, so I kept going… and as the words began to shift, they touched deeper and deeper into my psyche…
“I’m so sorry you can’t have money because you’re a girl.
I’m so sorry girls are not smart enough to have money.
I’m so sorry he said you’d never be rich if you married him.
I’m so sorry he didn’t know the truth of who you are.
I’m so sorry he valued money more than the joy and happiness of his children.
I’m so sorry he held so many inner conflicts from his own childhood.
I’m so sorry his inner pain and conflicts affected your life experiences in such a big way.
I’m so sorry you have experienced poverty but can never experience wealth.
I’m so sorry you’ll never get to see what it feels like to be generous in a big way in the world.
I’m so sorry you will never achieve your dreams.
I’m so sorry big dreams coming true is for other people, not you.
I”m so sorry you had to ask permission to buy anything for yourself.
I’m so sorry you couldn’t spend $8 for a white blouse unless you asked permission.
I’m so sorry you weren’t worth it.
I’m so sorry you were not trusted with money.
I’m so sorry he didn’t know what to do with money himself.
I’m so sorry he thought if he actually got money, someone would come and take it all away.
I’m so sorry when you got money, the economy crashed and it was all taken away.
I’m so sorry you proved him right.
I’m so sorry you couldn’t be trusted with money.
I’m so sorry that no matter how you studied, you couldn’t figure out how to keep the money and grow it into wealth.
I’m so sorry you didn’t have a positive money blueprint.
I’m so sorry you were stupid with money.
I’m so sorry you can’t trust yourself with money.
I’m so sorry they don’t trust you with money.
I’m so sorry you don’t trust you with money.
I’m so sorry you aren’t trustworthy….”
Caught in the pain of the moment, the tears began to flow.
I knew there was something deeper coming up, and I asked….
“What do I do with this overwhelming emotion that I can’t trust myself,
What do I do with this feeling of shame that at a core level, I am not trustworthy?
If I am not trustworthy, I have no integrity….
I paused… wondering how I can solve this… for I know that as a child of God
I am loved all the way to eternity and back….
Yet still, I felt this deep despair of unworthiness…
“How can I come to a place of peace?”
“Is there an underlying reason for this feeling of being untrustworthy?
Is there a hidden underlying reason for this feeling of being untrustworthy?
I shifted to using The Emotion Code healing modality…
and discovered ancestral trapped emotions, many instances of
in three different ancestral lines
many generations back….
Father’s Father’s Mother’s line…
All these and other hidden, trapped ancestral emotions had been distorting the clarity of my own soul…
Contributing to my experiences while in this mortal realm…
Coloring how I experience this world…
And affecting what I create and what I pass down the generational lines.This holistic healing process,
beginning during the night with compassion phrases,
brought to my conscious awareness the energy resonances of traumas in my ancestors’ life experience,
And now they can all be let go… and all can grow…
Sending compassion to my ancestors:
“I am so sorry for the difficult experiences you had.
I am so sorry for your trials and sorrows.
I am so sorry the energy and resonance of these trapped emotions carried down through to your descendants…”
Released, the trapped emotions shift and I feel calm now, and lighter,
Allowing the natural healing processes of internal energy to flow.
My inner world becomes more balanced,
The distortion of the lens is cleared, for them, for me, for all who were affected…
And we are free.
Thank you, thank you, thank you,
It is done, it is done, it is done.